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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding

21 replies

surfdudesgran · 23/01/2012 10:33

I am not a mum ,but a gran ,been married 42 years ,so am I being unreasonable to feel miffed that my husband is invited to a wedding but I am not?
short background ,3 mates ,one is younger getting married men invited not wives ,involves overnight stay ,present ect (of course) embarressing thing for me ,bridegroom sent an email asking for our address ,I wrote mr and mrs ,but invite came just for him
Actually ,really think oh fine ,nice week end to myself ,but the other half of me thinks ,I wouldn't want to go to a wedding without him yep really don't know what I want .

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/01/2012 10:35

What does he want?

FourEyesGood · 23/01/2012 10:37

Firstly, if you are a gran, then you are (or have been) a mum! But I'm not sure how that's relevant to this issue anyway.

Inviting just the men is very odd. But you don't sound entirely sure about whether or not you're really bothered. Has a reason been given for the "men only" invites?

blondie80 · 23/01/2012 10:38

Sounds strange to me? Have they given any reason for doing this?

Original poster
surfdudesgran · 23/01/2012 10:38

you mean to go alone ,yeah don't think he sees a problem ,guess there isn't one ,just me being weird ,I will just have a nice peaceful week end

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 23/01/2012 10:52

whose wedding is it a friend or family

Original poster
surfdudesgran · 23/01/2012 10:56

a friend his friend ,which I suppose explains it ,feel I am being old fashioned ,we don't do everything together ,I go away for a weekend each year with my daughter and he goes fishing

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 23/01/2012 10:57

Bit weird...and very bad mannered really.

Hubs and I invited everyone with their other halves to our wedding....family, friends and colleagues.

Is this a long term friend?

WorraLiberty · 23/01/2012 11:00

You go away every year with your daughter but you're not a mum? Confused

sausagesandmarmelade · 23/01/2012 11:00

and I know that my OH wouldn't go to the wedding of a long standing close friend without me....and I wouldn't without him.

That's not to say that we can't/don't do anything independently....we do, lots of things...but weddings are all about celebrating and acknowledging relationships/partnerships so it would seem very weird for one of us to be invited without the other....UNLESS they couldn't afford to invite us both.

NatashaBee · 23/01/2012 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McHappyPants2012 · 23/01/2012 11:04

Worral i suspect this is a step daugter, but i suppose after 42 years of marriage she see this woman as her daughter.

squeakytoy · 23/01/2012 11:06

I think op perhaps means that she isnt the mum of a young child maybe, like most on here are.

squeakytoy · 23/01/2012 11:08

Do you know the couple who are getting married? Are the other men from this group taking their wives or it could be that the numbers are limited and they have just invited the men only in the same way that people would just invite work colleagues on their own as a group in themselves rather than colleague and partners

fedupofnamechanging · 23/01/2012 11:10

I think it's rude to invite one half of a married couple, but not both. I would turn down an invitation which excluded my husband, and I would expect my husband to do the same.

emsyj · 23/01/2012 11:18

I think it's rude to invite one half of a married couple to celebrate the marriage of another couple - and a bit odd. "Come and celebrate us being a couple, but we're going to ignore that you're part of one too"...

I wouldn't fall out with the friend, but I would politely decline without giving a reason and just send a gift and card. And before the 'are you joined at the hip' comments come along - no, we're not joined at the hip. I have been on holiday with friends without DH, regularly go out without him, but weddings IMO are about celebrating coupledom. So I wouldn't go without him, and he wouldn't go without me.

Original poster
surfdudesgran · 23/01/2012 11:20

sorry of course i am a mum sorry sorry was just saying I am a gran an old person

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/01/2012 11:23

lol!! you are not an old person :)

Original poster
surfdudesgran · 23/01/2012 11:27

the wife of the other mate has not been invited either just the two guys ,I know I wouldn't go without him ,but hey life is too short and all that ,not going to beat a grudge .... just don't look for a Christmas card with my name on it ,thanks everyone x

OP posts:
Original poster
surfdudesgran · 23/01/2012 11:29

bear a grudge

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 23/01/2012 11:39

Being old is a state of mind Wink

It depends on the reasons why it's just the men who are invited. If it's eg, uni friends, work colleagues then fair enough. If not, then you ANBU to be miffed. What you do about it is up to you.

Have you any idea why they've only invited the men? Is it a small wedding where numbers are strictly limited?

ENormaSnob · 23/01/2012 11:47

yanbu

I would happily attend the wedding of a colleague alone but I think that's slightly different.

Unless you don't know the friend at all, in which case it is probably similar Confused

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