AIBU to be reluctant to lend cash to a friend in need?

[Inthesleeplessnightgarden]

Will try and keep this short...
Good family friend,(was best man at our wedding, is DS's godfather) is in financial strife. Having been made redundant from a pretty good job started taxi driving. Now transpires that he had the car on HP and has missed payments and the car has now been taken so he can't work. He owes six grand which is about a quarter of my savings.
He also owes on a mortgage, he has two kids and his wife works part time. He called my husband ( is his friend really) for help as apparently his family can't. We, or rather I have the money, but....... We might need it soon as DH's job isn't secure beyond the summer. And I work bloody hard to save that kind of cash and can't afford to lose it.
I am a definite subscriber to the never a borrower nor a lender be school of thought, but would feel dreadful if the kids were to suffer, e,g, if they lost the house too.
What would you do?

Never ever lend money unless you can afford to GIVE it away. MIL's DP has loaned money willy nilly to his mates. THey owe him thousands. Now they're behind on their mortgage, they've had a prepay meter installed to pay off energy debt and they may lose their house. The friends silly step-FIL lent money too won't give him so much as a tenner. And they're not even repaying the money he lent them either.

I think Totem is right you know, if the car has been repossessed it's not necessarily the case that he'll get it back, even if he does repay the amount owed.

to not too

i think the best help you or your husband can give him is help him sort out his finances not give him money. he needs to contact cab or payplan, they will work out what he can afford to pay back and deal with the companies on his behalf, maybe he needs some help with the paper work, it can seem overwhelming when all you are receiving is threatening letters and phone calls

then maybe help him out a little but this is what needs doing now i agree with other he is probably stressing and really struggling to see a way out of this but there is but it is not you lending him more money

i have lent close friends money and would again if i was in a position too but not right now, i have savings but i have to think about ds first and have no one myself to fall back on

Only lend what you can afford not to get back if he does not repay you. You do not want to put yourself in jeapody.

YANBU. He's been very folly not to have made payments on the car when that's been his one reliable source of income - also, wtf did he buy that he's 6k behind in payments? To draw a parallel it'd be like you not showing at the office and then getting angsty when you got fired.

These days most people have credit and credit cards and loan accounts access coming out of their ears - so to my mind a person who has used up all these avenues up is in serious s* and a couple of thousand here and there from friends will make NO difference, and just put YOU in jeopardy. I am sure you can find a way to say no nicely (although tbh I am surprised he asked - perhaps men are more like that). Sounds like he hasn't thought it through.

I honestly wouldn't gift the money either. Why should you go to work to bail him out? He can get a job himself and bail his own family out. I don't think you will be helping him out in the long term, he needs to take responsibility for his own finances - you aren't a fairy godmother.

Also, if he wasn't working enough hours to pay for the taxi - why should you go to work to fund his not working?

and what happened to his redundancy money?

Zip up your purse, lock down your bank account and support him as a shoulder to lean on, not an ATM machine

I wouldn't give him or lend him the money. Maybe a solution is to offer practical help and support. For example, clothes for the children at birthdays, books, stuff you got 2 for 1 at the supermarket. ? Things that could be considered fairly normal not looking on them as a charity case or you as a constant source of handouts.

He would be much better off if you got him to ask for help from this lot:
boards.fool.co.uk/dealing-with-debt-50079.aspx
or
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=76

Both are internet discussion boards where people in debt help and support each other. You also get experts who post on them. Obviously your friend wouldn't want to take the word of a single anonymous poster as the gospel truth, but there are so many people on these boards that it's easy to get a concensus of opinion of the best path to take.

As MoreBeta said, this might well be bankruptcy, but the board will take individual circumstances on board and tailor the advice accordingly.

I wouldn't lend the money though. :( Even though he is a very deserving case, you could be in a very precarious position yourselves after the summer. :(