To be cross I am being made to feel guilty?

[wifey6]

Been up with DS 3 times in the night..feel ill myself so when DS is ready to get up DH (who is off work) brings him in with us. I am then repeatedly kicked & prodded by a wiggling toddle for 2 hours. Exhausted! DH takes DS down stairs but it banging around & complaining that on his day off he is up & dealing with baby! WTF! He has had 5 days off now & not done any night waking or daily duties with DS....so why do I feel so guilty now he is banging around in a mood whilst I am ill upstairs??

YANBU at all

Yet another example of a man seeing the care of his child as the mother's responsibility and that anything he does is a favour and deserves a medal.

I hope you soon feel better, OP.

agree with hex

sort it out now or you can look forward to years of this crap

Ignore him.

Ask him when your day off might be.

Ask him what he thinks you do on your days off. Or guilt trip him by asking if he's enjoying these precious moments with his child

He is the father of young children. Tell him there IS no day off. And kick his sorry arse!

YANBU to be pissed off, but YABU to feel guilty! It's his turn with the sole childcare for a bit, and well overdue by the sounds it.

Is he generally an arse? Or do you think he just doesn't "get it"? I doubt he'd be much impressed if the next time he was ill and off from work, you told him to get up and look after the baby as you had to get the housework done, and you were going out later as it's your turn for "time off".

I agree with all of you! This is the one morning in 19 months that I have stayed in bed 15 mins after DS has got up...I was wondering if the kitchen would still be intact with all the banging around!

I never get time off MrsMango....he isn't an arse all the time but does shy away from parental duties unless on the 4 hours I work at a weekend & he has DS. E thinks by doing that he gets what I do every day.

Oo dear...have just told DH that no amount of banging around the kitchen will make me feel bad for having a 15 min lie-in when I am ill--19 months is a long time to go without a bit of a lie-in. His face-priceless. The banging has stopped! I think I won that round!

Good. Now stick with that attitude and forget this guilt nonsense.

Whoop, go wifey

everyone has their limit & I am surprised its taken so long to reach mine!

I'd be sitting him down and having a talk about fair division of labour. He cannot expect you to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week, and be on call all night too, looking after his (and ofc your) child. If he wants a day off, he needs to schedule in a day off for you too, and that does NOT include the time when you're at your job! When you're ill he needs to be picking up the slack so that you can rest and get better.

My DH is a bit useless with housework (improving though) but he's very good with DD, and shares the night duties so it still feels like we're a team. However, he always used to slack off when I was ill, until last summer. I had a chest infection and didn't get much chance to rest, turned to pneumonia and nearly ended up in hospital. Was a bit of a wake up call (for both of us!) I've been ill recently, and he's been an angel, looking after DD and doing the urgent housework.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Lots of cross-posts, I type far too slowly! Well done OP!

MrsMango....how can we clone your DH?!
DH is great doing everything else by does by away from day-to-day duties with DS. He plays great but doesn't do the necessary things. It's been this way since we had DS.
I think I have let power go to my head as he had planned a day out checking out car parts & tools....so I told him we are tagging along & he can drop us at the nearest shopping mall!

Clone him? Ha ha ha! It's not long at all since I was posting asking for advice as he did nothing other than his (paid) job! I think the biggest problem for him was that he simply didn't realise how much was involved, and how much thinking and planning goes into it. I don't think he realised how unreasonable he was being. Got some great advice on here though, which also helped me to understand why it was pi**ing me off so much!

Enjoy your shopping trip! :)

wifey, why does it have to be you taking ds to boring shops? 4yo dnephew would scream his head off if i took him out shopping but is a perfect angel at car shows - first time i ever had sole charge (he's my nephew in law) was at Santa Pod for 10 hours. The only dodgy bits were when he realised he'd napped through the jet car and when i had to hold him over the big boy toilet because we ran out of nappies (thought i wad going to drop him in) He was just turned 2 at the time

DS should definitely go with daddy

So when is your day offf then? tell him to grow a pair or keep his trousers on in the future. Selfish git.

I ask myself that question kelly....
To be honest...me & DS had a lovely time & when we got back I put DH in charge of lunch & baby whilst I 'organised' my business tools...well that took me 5 minutes but the catch up on MN took longer!