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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

thinking this is extreme?

28 replies

EllenandBump · 22/01/2012 16:38

My sister at certain times of the month, gets very teary over nothing, generallu nasty and horrible and sometimes on the verge of hysterical.

Is this PMT or something more serious.
Am i being unreasonable to ask for others opinions/experiences and ask if there is anything she could be put on?

OP posts:

JustHecate · 22/01/2012 16:40

If by 'certain times of the month' you mean the same time every month and linked to her periods (and not just randomly different months at different times of the month) then yes, sounds like serious pms. I think that there is stuff she can go on. Perhaps you should advise her to go to the GP for a chat about it.

lollilou · 22/01/2012 16:42

How old is she? I have heard(and have experience of) that it gets worse as you approach the menopause.

SiamoNellaMerda · 22/01/2012 16:44

Does your sister actually want to be 'put on' something?

Original poster

EllenandBump · 22/01/2012 16:44

By what her partner has said to me, who is quite worried it sounds like about the same time every month. She changes really fast and for no apparent reason and goes into tempers and sulks etc.

OP posts:

SiamoNellaMerda · 22/01/2012 16:46

Oh right. So you don't actually know this for sure?

JustHecate · 22/01/2012 16:47

How would she feel about her partner discussing this with you? In your shoes, I'd tell him to talk to her (at a different time of the month!) about it, rather than discussing it with you (I assume behind her back?)

Original poster

EllenandBump · 22/01/2012 16:50

I remember what she was like to live with, she is 28 and the way she is towards me for nothing so it is believable.
I dont honestly think she realises how bad she is and she is really quite nasty. She deleted me and blocked me from facebook (work of the devil i know) because i said i didnt have any money to spend, which was the truth and she went into a strop cos she thought i would be buying stuff for her. Its not her birthday or anything. not until june.

OP posts:

missduff · 22/01/2012 16:53

Yes for some people pmt can be awful.
My dad's ex goes really psycho at the time of the month, she even once tried to strangle him over very little.
I also heard a statistic that women who murder someone, about 90% of the murders are committed whilst the woman is on her period.
Of course I'm not saying she's going to murder anyone but I just mean that pmt can do awful things to people.
She really needs to see the doctor, I think treatment would probably depend on her age and whether she wants children in the future.
Some women even find that the pill helps pmt , personally I've never found it helped in the slightest and even having thinks like Implanon where my periods stopped I still seemed to get hormonal times, like pmt but no period. In fact I felt like I had pretty constant pmt with Implanon.
Apparently diet can also make a big difference too by cutting out additives and processed foods, especially in the week or 2 leading up to a period.

Original poster

EllenandBump · 22/01/2012 17:01

Her diet is solely cheese and crackers cornflakes, crisps chocolate all junk really. She is 28 and does not want children and her partner cant hae any. I am sorry you feel like that on implanon, i also have the implant and no periods but i feel fine. A bit stresses atm, but thats cos of the housing and divorce/contact stuff to be sorted.

I honestly dont thinks she knows how bad she is. She has on numberous occasions attacked me and mum so i would say she was psycho, not sure whether thats to do with pmt or something else. Now i am hearing this again, i am getting quite worried about her.

OP posts:

missduff · 23/01/2012 22:04

Maybe you could just keep a little diary of what happens and when and after a few months you could try having a word with her (at a time when she doesn't have pmt) and tell her in a supportive, loving way that you are concerned about her?

southeastastra · 23/01/2012 22:05

i get like this every month too

Original poster

EllenandBump · 23/01/2012 22:53

Something has got to be done. She has lost all of her friends because of her nasty and spiteful ways and the rate she is going she will lose her partner too and her family. She was so bad at one point when living at home (lives with Partner now) that she and mum ended up in court after she broke mums nose just before christmas three years ago. Hardly what i would call normal. Just want to get her "better" if thats the right word, not sure. She needs to stop.

OP posts:

Piggles · 24/01/2012 07:30

It does sound like bad PMT is a possibility - I had a friend who honestly became nightmarish to be around for week each month. Her partner used to plan to be away as much as possible at those times because she was so unreasonable and volatile. Literally anything and nothing could set her off and she would scream, throw things, physically attack people and generally have toddler-esque meltdowns.

I recall one occasion in a shop, her DP was approached by a female friend of his just to say hi (her husband was with her, so not a flirty approach) and my friend ran across the shop screaming to stay away from her man, took her shoes off and flung at the woman as she retreated, hit her DP repeatedly with her bag, threw merchandise on the floor and generally went mad and caused a scene.

Her DP told her she had to get help or he was off. She started taking a birth control pill (not sure which one) and she did improve to the point that she was bearable - though still a bit of a stroppy mare

Thumbwitch · 24/01/2012 07:36

She needs to do something about it all right! Has she even seen the GP? She should. It is quite possible that it is hormonal and there are many ways to treat it, drugs, supplements, herbs, therapies and quite frankly just eating properly would be a good start! But she has to want to address it herself - and perhaps she won't get around to bothering until she has driven everyone away. :(

Most people I know who have hideous PMT know they do and want to do something about it - it doesn't sound much like your sister gives a shit - have you spoken to her about it (pref when she's not in PMT mode)?

NinkyNonker · 24/01/2012 07:47

If you don't get on very well I'd be pretty hacked off with my partner if I were her.

Snorbs · 24/01/2012 08:02

Ninky, if you behaved like a violent abusive nut-job as OP's sister seems to be doing then I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if your DP reached out to anyone for support.

NinkyNonker · 24/01/2012 08:06

I just mean the OP clearly doesn't have a good relationship with her sister, from this and many other threads. I wouldn't be happy with dh approaching someone I had this kind of relationship with, that's all.

aldiwhore · 24/01/2012 08:26

I never realised how bad I was each month, it all seemed perfectly reasonable and the world actually was at fault.

I have the mirena coil, had it nearly 6 years (on second one) and my life has completely changed. After my first child I had the copper coil and it actually made everything worse, but now, I'm pretty much an 'even' person all year long.

There is probably more than one quick fix issue going on with your sister Ellen but she doesn't have to be this way. It sounds like she's generally unhappy and angry, so maybe a change of diet and some help/assesment from the mental health team would be good... that will be harder to 'fix', because it would require your sister to be the one who decides to help herself.

SmellyMouthedPrickfairy · 24/01/2012 08:40

I get awful PMS, so bad that my dr prescribes me AD's all month around so I can cope with it when it gets to that point of the month.

My XP left me because of my outbursts.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 24/01/2012 08:45

As a 19 year old, I had such atrocious PMS that it effectively joined up into one constant bout of PMS and triggered clinical depression. I was put ADs and the Pill to regulate my hormones - a combination which saved my sanity, my relationship (I was dating my now-DH) and my university education.

But she can't be forced to do anything she doesn't want to... and there iare roughly 247 other explanations for her behavious. she might be under all other kinds of appalling strains that you might know nothing about.

cory · 24/01/2012 09:02

NinkyNonker Tue 24-Jan-12 07:47:17
"If you don't get on very well I'd be pretty hacked off with my partner if I were her."

So does that mean a woman with an abusive partner can't reach out for support to family members whom her partner doesn't get on with either? Because he'd be hacked off? A violent and aggressive person is likely to have a bad relationship with most people- so who is their partner supposed to approach?

Since this woman gets physically violent with other family members it does not seem unlikely that her behaviour towards her partner could also classify as abuse. And in any case, I would find it pretty intimidating to live with someone who had recently broken my MILs nose and was also showing agressive behaviour towards me.

This man seems committed to her as he is trying to find a reason and looking at ways to help her; my own instinct would be to ring the police and then get out.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 24/01/2012 09:11

Could quite easily be pmt. I suffer from awful fits of sudden depression (like a black cloud descending i can go from normal to weeping in despair in an hour over pretty much nothing) I'm snappy, and if provoked I have raging fits of temper when I want to smash everything in sight. Thankfully I know what the problem is, what causes it and this means I can warn close family that I'm that way out and to please not argue with me, and if I start getting stroppy to just leave the room and let me calm down and continue the discussion in a few days when I've turned back into a human being. This seems to work ok and as I've got older and wiser I can manage it much better.

Snorbs · 24/01/2012 09:41

Nobly, violent abusers often try to intimidate their victims partners into not speaking out about the abuse. It's a very common tactic used by controlling people.

slug · 24/01/2012 11:40

My BF used to be like that. Her DH commented it was like living with an alien one week in every 4. I lived with her for years and his assessment was spot on.

One of the bizzare side effects of her quitting smoking was the complete cessation of the alien PMT monster. It was truly startling.

Mind you, she did used to write a fine letter of complaint during the PMT week. We used to save them up for her.

Original poster

EllenandBump · 24/01/2012 17:07

We have all tried talking to her about it, but she denies there is anything wrong. She has always been like it for the last about 14 years, so although stress and strain may not help, it is normality for her. She has a lovely partner, a nice home, two dogs and no money problems. SHE still seems to think she has a hard life! She has no children or anything like that. She can change from one moment to the next for no real reason.

Its doing my head in, so much so she is now under restricted on my facebook! She cant now see half of what i am doing!

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