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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

40...

23 replies

Dinocroc · 21/01/2012 22:17

To be happy with just a cake with 40 candles to blow out (plus singing from tuneless family). Not to have week away abroad with best friends, then weekend away with family, then party in local bar with a couple of hundred of close friends, night out with work friends, night out with school friends, obviously special night away with husband , being 'spoilt rotten' etc etc. I know I may seem like a grinch but I am not six any more and it is starting to feel like weddings all over again. The pitying looks I get when I say I 'm honestly not that bothered are wearing a bit thin. Is it me?

OP posts:
sodapops · 21/01/2012 22:19

No, not just you. I was 40 last year, I had some nice presents and went out for a lovely meal with DH and the DSes.

misselizabethbennet · 21/01/2012 22:20

YANBU. Your birthday, you can have what you bloody well like.

PurpleKittyKnitting · 21/01/2012 22:20

I was 40 a few months ago and did nothing special at all! I got a kindle, and a few gifts and was more than happy!

I am not into parties at all and had no intentions of having one!

AgentZigzag · 21/01/2012 22:20

I wasn't bothered about turning 40 either, it'd be a bit embarrassing all that fuss!

Is there any way you can get out of some of them?

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2012 22:20

I did what sodapops did.

But obviously with my own DH and DSes Grin

shootfromthehip · 21/01/2012 22:22

YADNBU... my DH is the 'big 4.0.' soon and I thought he'd be exactly the same as you, not wanting a fuss just a nice meal or a night away. Turns out I was wrong and he wants a massive party Shock. Gutted Wink.

Bogeyface · 21/01/2012 22:23

Our close friends did the holiday/party with friends/party with family thing for both of theirs and I didnt get it. But they are both v spoilt and the female in particular had a right strop when she realised that her DH hadnt organised exactly the weekend away she wanted. Luckily we couldnt afford to go, because according to those that did go, she was a bloody nightmare all weekend! I hadnt thought of it before but it was a bit weddingy, and I am now v glad that i didnt know her them when they got married!

I am 40 next year, and tbh I think I'll even pass on the 40 candles :o

shootfromthehip · 21/01/2012 22:23

Oh and have a nice time when it comes Thanks

QuietOhSoQuiet · 21/01/2012 22:25

YANBU I turned 40 what seems like an eternity ago -over 4years ago- and did what I wanted not what everyone else did.

tribpot · 21/01/2012 22:26

I've got two friends who are both being flown to Iceland for their 40ths (one this weekend, one next - mine is in the middle!) by their partners - I do somewhat wish a trip abroad was a possibility for us but my DH is in a wheelchair and there is nothing remotely holiday-ish about going anywhere by plane in those circs. Of course, I've felt too guilty (and skint, in fairness) to plan to go away without him.

I've also had to give up alcohol after many years of abuse and am still recovering physically from the after effects of that, so I'm absolutely buggered if I'm arranging a night out so my workmates can get leathered whilst I sip ginger beer! I've been meaning to arrange a lunch which is a bit more my speed anyway - I find the homing instinct extremely strong at this time of year when it's so dark and cold.

So, in short: do whatever the hell you like - that surely has to be the best bit about being 40, you should be too old to give a toss about doing 'what people think you should'!

Enjoy your birthday!

tribpot · 21/01/2012 22:28

These people having strops about their 40ths ... has a new word been invented? Forthzilla?

Original poster
Dinocroc · 21/01/2012 22:28

Ah thank you all, I feel better now! Have never really enjoyed being centre of attention but chocolate cake is nice. I have nothing but that planned. But bogeyface(!) I think you need the candles. Just cramming them all on and trying to light them will be fun enough!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinocroc · 21/01/2012 22:30

And forthzilla. Nice!

OP posts:
NoMoreMarbles · 21/01/2012 22:31

its your birthday, your choice on how to spend itSmile

i turn 30 in may and i asked for a break away (havent had a holiday since my honeymoon in 2007) so my Dsis booked a weekend citybreak to paris for the two of us and DH is taking me and DD away for a week somewhere sunnySmile i am overjoyed with thatSmile

hatesponge · 21/01/2012 22:34

You should do what you want, and what makes you happy. If that isn't making a big deal of it, then you shouldn't feel obliged.

I'm 40 this year. I don't have a DH. I've never been married. I didn't have a party for my 18th (just before my A level exams) or 21st (during my finals). I haven't done all of it before, and -although I am in no way looking forward to being 40- I intend to get through it as best I can Grin. So I am having a big party this year. And - because several of my friends are also 40 this year - we are also having a weekend away together, and they are also having parties/meals/drinks evenings etc. But that's what we want to do, I know it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea!

QuietOhSoQuiet · 21/01/2012 22:39

oh hate you should embrace your 40s,as much as I hate the aging process the 40s are a right of passage and I have never felt more at home in my body/mind,don't ask me why but I just don't give a damn any more (this comes from a person who was always properly dressed/made up/worried about everything)

Bogeyface · 21/01/2012 22:40

I'll pass on the candles Dino because of the state of my BILs cake after my sister and I put 40 candles on it! By the time we got them lit, got it to the table and had the obligatory singing, the cake was a mass of melted wax :o

bemybebe · 21/01/2012 22:44

YANBU at all. In my home country it is actually customary to NOT celebrate 40 (for the wrong reason), but I am very happy to oblige when I turn myself in 2 weeks... Grin

crazynanna · 21/01/2012 22:44

My 40th was a blast Hmm

Went to our local here in North London with a few similar aged girlfriends...not realising it was a North London football derby (Arsenal v Tottenham).

The pub kicked off big style....lager swimming everywhere ...dogs barking...and there's me and my mates with our Malibu and pineapples' and our handbags.

Suddenly,a lager bottle came sailing through the air and hit me square on the nose.
I had to go to work the next day with the two biggest black eyes you have ever seen and a plaster across the bridge of my nose Blush

That is one for me best forgotten Wink

pointythings · 21/01/2012 22:46

I turned 40 almost 4 years ago, twas no big deal - we had a bottle of fizz, a nice meal with DH and the DDs and a very posh very chocolaty cake. On the actual day I was out at a conference, y colleague bought me a badge with flashing lights that said '40 today' - needless to say I wore it all day long with the lights on, I'm sure it got our stand a lot of attention it would not otherwise have had.

It's your birthday, it should be whatever you want.

Sidge · 21/01/2012 22:47

I didn't really celebrate my 18th or 21st, my mum didn't seem to think it was a big deal, so it was important to me to mark my 40th, and chose to have a party to do so.

For me it was an opportunity to get all my mates together and have a good laugh, at minimal expense to them and moderate expense to me.

The thing about birthdays, whether for an adult or a child, is that you should be able to spend them exactly as you choose. And not be scathing about other people's choices.

Ample · 21/01/2012 22:49

I'm 40 this year. I'll be happy with some cake (good cake) and company I love. That's all. I don't like any fuss for myself. Never have.
Some people use their 40th like celebrating their 21st all over again. I don't see the point. I enjoy the day and carry on.

curlycubes · 21/01/2012 23:02

Do what you want to do!

My 18th - pizza hut meal with then boyfriend and my parents

21st - huge party, complete with stripogram policeman - I still cringe at the memory, got totally smashed at lunchtime, the party was in the evening in a village hall, my dad refused to attend as I was (a bit drunk) and I was taken to party in a supermarket trolley, can't remember how I got home.. the bit in between was probably quite good and all my friends were there..

30th went away for weekend with DH, I was pregnant with DC2. DH ate too much seafood and was ill

40th - took whole family somewhere sunny as I just wanted to be with DH and DCs and keep it low key - had a lovely time!

At least 50th is a few years away yet

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