to dislike my 5 YO son's little friend?

[flower68]

Said friend came for a play date at our house several weeks ago. I THOUGHT I had been perfect mum/host catering to their every whim. Out today with my children, DS's friend and his dad. We are having cafe lunch and DS's friend tries to say: "When I was at your house you told (DS).." but his dad interrupts and tells him not to say it. This happens several times until DS's friend finally says " you told (DS) to SHUT UP!!!" (I can't remember saying this but it quite possible). "Shut up" obv v bad in DS friend's house and I felt mortified! Not least because my lapse had clearly been discussed at length by DS friend's family!! Feel DS's friend a) very clever and b) a sneaky so-and-so who am not in a hurry to have back at mine!

YANBU. He told on you the big stinky bum. I hope you said 'No I never, no I never!' loudly several times before bursting into tears. And then told him 'You're not my friend' before uninviting him to any future birthday parties.

I hope you shouted "SHUT UP" as loud as you could. And then pinched his chips while sticking your tongue out

LingDiLong

I hope this is a joke post

why dandelioness?

id have stamped my feet and said i didnt,hes lying!!!

what did you say?the dad?

Well, one would hope thats children can go home and discuss experiences they have had, whether they be likeable or otherwise. your standard ofparenting will not be the same as other peoples. Do you think 5yos should keep secrets from their parents?

I was taught in A level sociology that working class people use 'shut up' whereas the middle classes say 'be quiet'

I use a mixture of the two

Why do you think it's a joke post dandelioness? Sounds pretty normal to me.

The dad did the right thing trying to silence Big Mouth, but 5 YOs being 5 YOs, he was onto a non-starter from the off.

Yes, my kids have on occasion had unlikeable friends. One of my 11 yr old's best mates is a total mummy's boy. I took him with us shopping once, before I dropped him back home, and because my son wanted one of those Lego minifigures, thought I better buy this kid one. My son was touchingly excited about it, but I overheard the kid (his dad's a rich builder) saying "I always throw these in the bin after I've played with them."

The mum rang me up once after the kids had had a little tiff at school. Now he is her only child. I said "Oh forget it, it'll blow over - it always does". She told the kid to ignore my kid, stopped inviting him round, etc etc. About a year later, she said I'd been right all along. I try to bring my kids up to be self reliant, etc and don't like my son even being around the mollycoddling - it's unhealthy.

So nineflowers you urged the friend's mum to take a chilled out approach to a little tiff but you've harboured a grudge over a lego mini figure?!

You can't really dislike him for that, surely? It was a big deal to him, but not to you or your DS, fair enough.

I'm not quite sure what's wrong with a child being clever and surely by trying to discuss your behaviour with you he's been the very opposite of sneaky?! All families have different rules and in many saying "shut up" is a huge no-no so he'd obviously be shocked and discuss this with his parents. I think that's pretty normal, surely?

But a 5 YO has to learn it's not for them to 'discuss' an adults behaviour with them HouseofMirth.

I was being rather tongue in cheek there AgentZig. Though to be fair the Dad did try to silence him.

Blimey what a fuss about nothing.

It sounds like the words "shut up" are not allowed in the friends house... so because it IS allowed in your house, he mentioned it... it really isnt a big deal, it is a child wondering why some things are ok in one house, but not another...

I don't see the issue - "shut up" isn't allowed at the friend's house, he is shocked/intrigued that an adult said something naughty, and being a 5 year old wants to talk about it?

I'm pretty sure that little boy started a thread on AIBU the other day

'Was I BU to wear my judgey pants at flower68 junior's house?'

I really don't get this.

Presumably the child heard you saying 'Shut up' and told his parents because he was shocked as it's a rude thing to say and something he has been told not to say.

YABU and nasty about a 5 yr old for what seems to be no reason. Also the 'perfect mum/host...every whim' shit got my back up!

YABU in that there are far worse horror play date five year olds out there. I kind of know what they mean - we don't say "shut up" here - we'd say "be quiet" - only because I'd be worried about dd repeating it in a TOWIE like way. The dad clearly didn't mine otherwise he wouldn't have gone to cafe with you.

I can only think the Dad hasn't got any older children, because some of the backchat you get from a 9+ YO can only be answered with a 'SHUT UP!'

Lots of parents choose not to use shut up (even to a 9 year old!) - it's possible to accept different households have different rules.

As a kid, it was fine for me to be told to shut up, it wasnt fine for me to tell my parents to shut up... I had no problem with that. :)

I don't think it really matters whether it's shut up or be quiet, they both sound the same hissed through gritted teeth while you're trying to keep control

I had a 'be quiet' mum and she said it in such a way that I did what I was told.

Naw, he isn't being sneaky. Little kids sometimes tattle.
We don't say shut up either, but I think it is more common in the UK, (basing that on comedy films :P )