to be irritated by dd2's grandfather referring to her as a fussy baby?

[rhetorician]

long story, really - we're a gay couple with a known donor, and it has turned out that his parents also see the dcs - which is fine. But I find his dad very hard work (opinionated, a bit narrow minded, have nothing in common with him) - they are here to see dd2 for the first time. She is 7 weeks old, has a grotty cold and was put into a pavlik harness yesterday; she cried when put on her changing table because there is an overhead light nearby and when DP asked me to turn it off he said 'she's a very fussy baby' !! Actually, she's a pretty unfussy baby - she's just under the weather and is very conscious of new people etc. She sleeps a good bit too, and he is saying things like 'we've hardly seen anything of her'...

grrr, venting, really...she is only tiny and has had a lot going on the last couple of days, poor little mite

reading back, I probably am - it was just a turn of phrase, probably

Its a phrase, very much doubt it was meant with any malice or nastiness. Definately not something to get riled about.

you're right - it's just a bit stressful having them here because they aren't people that we really know very well and they are in our house 24/7...

Standard grandparent stuff am afraid.

My FIL never fails to label all the gc in different ways. Just ignore.

Later on, if your donor sees dd, could he take her to visit the gps, then you wouldn't have to deal!

They're staying with you?

Gosh, that must be hard work.

If he says things like that a lot, just say 'Oh, I hope not, don't want her to turn out like you!'

When he says it just say 'Nah, she isn't!' cheerfully, in the tone you might use if your DD at a later stage in life says, 'Mum, Cheryl Cole is prime minister'. If he repeats it, laugh and say 'Naaah!' again. Basically behave as if it's an amusing but utterly misguided statement. And just ignore any leading comments about frequency of visits.

Yanbu. It is upsetting when family members say stuff like that. My brother keeps making comments about how I 'drew the short straw' with dd and how 'difficult' she is. She isn't at all - she's pretty easy compared to most toddlers her age and most people who know her make comments about how lucky I am to have such a good natured child. But she IS only 19 months and she does have a short attention span and likes to run around and explore - pretty standard stuff. But according to my brother (and my father too, to an extent) she is a complete handful. It does rile.

i'd have just said "you would be too if you had to be in that harness!"

i think sometimes people just speak without thinking tbh, but i wouldn't read too much into it.
how lovely of you to encourage her relationship with her grandparents though!

#When you are sleep deprived in those early days, innocent comments can be taken the wrong way pretty easily. People just want to say something, they don't mean it as a criticism of the baby.
You might want to think about some boundaries about the amount of time they are with you though - it won't get easier once it's established.

It is a little thing, but I know exactly where you're coming from with it grating on you.

I like Eightieschick's suggestion

backforgood very clear boundaries, I am glad to say - they see them 4-5 times a year - my problem is more that the important relationship in my book is between them and their dad, whilst I am happy for them to see gps, they do rather take over, and dad won't stand up to them. So they almost always muscle in on 'his' visits...but that's between them and isn't in the end anything to do with me.

And yes, as they get bigger (dd1 is 3, but a shy and cautious kid) we will not have to be quite as involved - hwich I am sure will be a relief to the gps as well as to us. Not that they are bad people or anything, on the contrary, just not quite my cup of tea in my house...