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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i should have heard back (divorce related)

17 replies

EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 18:36

I have now spent almost 3 weeks waiting for my ex's solicitor to get back to mine. Surely if he was THAT bothered about contact he would have at the very least replied. BUT he hasnt and I am waiting now on my divorce! I cant wait to get it! The sooner the better.

AIBU to start to wonder if he is taking extra long on purpose just to stress me out more? (not that its working) and to keep me tied to him (which i am not) ?

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 19:30

solicitors dont always work very quickly it may not be just him dont rise to it relax and wait a bit longer.

carabos · 20/01/2012 19:48

Solicitors have to respond to each other as a professional courtesy. Ask your solicitor to chase up the other side- they will come back, even if just to say they are waiting on instructions.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 19:52

I have phoned my solicitor and left her a message. He seemed to work quickly enough to get the appointment and they sent me a letter out pretty quickly. Seems like they are dragging their feet and maybe they werent expecting me to come back and say okay divorce me! Maybe and he would play these games he expected me to contact him and say lets try again....umm no!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 20/01/2012 20:00

Why use a solicitor if there is no property involved you can do it yourself far cheaper than 80 quid a letter.

kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 20:00

TBH things happen solicitors have other clients too and deal with prioity at the time or sometimes solicitors also represent in court to so away from the office or holidays sickness etc. i think u are being a bit quick to jump to they are dragging their heeels, mind you ex could be just thinking on what he wants to do or you could be absolutely right, been through messy DV myself with arse of an EXH. you have chassed this up which is the right way to deal with it just sit back and have a nice bath with a glaas of wine and chill,and wait.

Pandemoniaa · 20/01/2012 20:00

If you have both got solicitors on the case then they will correspond with each other, not directly with you. In other words, your solicitor writes to your ex's solicitor. They take their client's instructions and write back to your solicitor. Your solicitor then contacts you, shares the information received and then takes your further instructions.

It's quite easy to see how the process can take 3 weeks. So I'd not be looking for deeper and more devious motives just yet.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 20:10

Its contact that he wants, and surely as the letter said it being in my sons best interest to see "their client" my ex i would have thought they would have heard something back pretty quick, but maybe i was wrong. I hate just sitting waiting. Contact is as i have described or through courts. End of story is the only way i feel safe would be to have handovers etc at a contact centre. The court i dont doubt will agree with that, just maybe not the amount of contact.

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 20:16

depends on the case and how much domestic abuse you can document courts rarely put in contact centres unless theres proof that the child will be harmed. they are too overloaded.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 20:24

He did stab me in the leg. Apparently there is shed loads of documented possible DV on my medical records. He is also on cocaine or has been and has alcohol dependency. Hardly a fit father to just give the child to. I know contact centres are overloaded but i really dont want contact with him. Wish i could stop him having contact with our son but i cant. He is his father and has the right to a relationship with our LO. But that gives him absolutely no right tohave contact with me!

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 20:44

well seems u have a good case here for contact centre. how old is your child?
as its his right to see his father not the other way around his father does not have the right to see him just parental responsibilty .( just to say also on your side here, also come from DV relationship)

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 20:59

My Little boy is 19months old. It is supposed to be what is best for the child. And my ex is not having my mobile number or new address when i get it! Not that i am being unreasonable but i see he could make my life hell on earth if he wanted to.

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 21:43

yes well if hes that young then the court would say its in the childs intrest to have contact with his father ( even though he may be a Bd) i will warn you though in my case the court ordered me to divulge my address as the father had a right to know when his child was residing!!!!! ( six years on still makes my life hell)

Lets just hope that this anger and controll will subside with you and stop comming for contact when he finds other things to do i wish u the the best of luck, be strong.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 21:59

I might just forget to mention to him then that i have moved out of my mums when i finally move....ooops. Thought i my solicitor has informed his solicitor not my fault. (innocent face)

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 22:02

lol

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 22:58

I would just feel safer. Also i know if things were to go tits up with his mother, he would immediately come running to me!! And i will not have him there with me....i can already see him at my door, standing there with his sorry looking puppy face saying he has no where else to go and god knows what would happen should he find someone else in there with me!! Dont really want any trouble when i move. He comes to mums, mum will tell him i have moved out or just phone the police to have him removed and destroy any letters/get an injunction as he has absolutely no excuse to harrass her!

OP posts:
kittycat68 · 20/01/2012 23:11

i know how u feel just hope your mum is okay with this and can stand up to him trouble is if he can he will, hopefully he will move on to someone else!

Original poster
EllenandBump · 20/01/2012 23:35

Mum will just phone the police. He has no but my son is in there and wife (asap not to be wife though, i have sort of been chatting to someone online and why shouldnt i, we are seperated no longer together...and he didnt care when we were together about going off with three other women but not sleeping with them or so he claims, just everything but!) Mum should easily be able to take out an injunction on him and she would allow the police in to see we were no longer living there which should cease him returning there. I sooo wish he wasnt the father to my son!

OP posts:
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