So, bit of background, I have dd1 from a previous relationship, and dh and I have dd2 together, dh has been in dd1's life for over half of it and his family treat her like any other member, they spend as much time and give as much affection to her as they do to dd2, all except his father & his partner, who i've always felt treat dd1 as a bit of an afterthought, eg forgetting to buy her pressies from hol & awkwardly telling dd2 to share hers, never asking after her special occasions or spending any time with her apart from when they visit us at home, all this I just grit my teeth & get on with as I just think they have no idea what they are missing out on & dd1's relationship with the rest of the family is wonderful.
Dh & his dad dont have that close a relationship, its birthdays/xmas, once or twice in the holidays etc so dd1 has never really cottoned on to the fact they have no interest in her.
Wed was dd1's birthday, so as not to dripfeed efforts are always made by ALL of dh's family on birthdays- usually cards/visit/pressies (no matter how small) & Fil is always included in this, he also splashes out a lot of money on dd2's birthday, now this really isnt about the present, but aibu to be so annoyed that dd1 got a card, that turned up a day late, no message, no present with no mention of any to follow, and while speaking to me that day didnt even ask about how her day had been.
Now in all fairness dd1 hasnt noticed any of this but I am really hurt tbh, and am wondering how I can let them spoil dd2 so much on her birthday and make such a fuss while barely acknowledging dd1, and have told dh from now on if they dont make the effort with both of the dd's then no effort is to be made for any of the family, including me/dh & dd2, or am I expecting too much of them considering dd1 is biologically of no connection?
Sorry for the essay!