to stop ds with kidney infection having 1 night's contact with exH?

[OcarinaOfTime]

I was called to school Wednesday for ds (7) in pain, stark white with blood in urine. After almost scrapping with doc receptionist (is it a clinic need?!?) doc says kidney infection, temperature = antibiotics, me to get urine sample to hospital immediately (still waiting for results), consultant paed urologist checkup ordered (had hydronephrosis as foetus/small baby) and go straight to children's hospital if gets any worse. He is improved but not better, no blood in urine but still pain. I am administering cranberry juice and water every 15 - 20 minutes, antibiotics three times a day, back to the doc's this afternoon.

Meanwhile exH has been off radar; said last sun his phone cut off, no response to email, finally answered a text to 'cut off' phone today. DS is supposed to go to him tonight until tomorrow, but he can't currently be further away from a toilet than 2 mins (docs is really close). I am not happy that he's turned the corner yet. ExH has failed to take Ds to docs in past with suspected urine infection, said he was better. Everything in me is screaming 'no!' in case he goes off quickly and has to go to hospital. ExH is now moaning he misses him and is terribly worried and has to see him. Ds of course wants to see his father. AIBU to keep him until he's substantially better?

I agree with your last post KitchenRoll - that made a lot of sense.

I just wonder how OP would react if DS fell ill while at the ex's house? Would she agree with DS being too ill to be moved and DS having to stay at dads till he is better but OP not being able to go and visit DS because of estranged relationship with ex?

I was on the ex's side to start because I can see the frustration for him not being able to look after his own child. However, if DS is too ill to travel and needs to stay where he is then the deeper problems of parents not being able to be in the same house together needs to be addressed.

I would not be looking to move a child around who is suffering an infection and in pain, and I am not sure why so many of the posters on this thread would?

Rookie I dont know where you got abuse from - sounds like a shitty break up but arent they all. OP I get you found it hard to get over your break up and it is awful but this is HIS son too and if your son and your dh want to see each other when he is sick, it really cannot be about you and your feelings. Frankly if my child were very ill and I was told I couldnt see them because my ex struggled to come to terms with us not being together there would be all hell breaking loose. At least let them talk on skype and take the advice to offer him an extra day in the week. I know its hard but this isnt about you and your health, its about your son and sick children shouldnt not be able to see a much loved parent because you find it hard. It really isnt fair. I know I sound harsh and I am sorry for that but I really feel you need to seperate your feelings from your sons needs.

Thank you all for your comments, they are chatting on the phone now, That was arranged this morning. I take on board the comments about the exH and me getting on in a different way and I see that this needs addressing.

Not as harsh as the people who think she should be moving him, prettyfly

OcarinaOfTime i'm glad to hear that you have resolved it satisfactorily.

Your child is lucky to have an understanding mum.

I feel for you. I've been in a similar position before and it's bloody awful not being able to just keep your child tucked up in bed when they're poorly, as our instincts tell us to.

However, if there's a court order stating contact times, I wasn't aware you could change thes unless the other person was in agreement.

I have to travel 240 miles to take my DS to contact - luckily only once a quarter and it's supervised. However, one time around Christmas last year (he was only 13 months then) he came down with the flu, as did the whole family (my brother ended up dying from complications of it in the January!). I tried to put contact off as it happened to fall at the time we were all ill. I sought advice and was told that I could not cancel it unless DS was ill in hospital. So, at 13 months, with the flu I had to travel 240 miles for a 3 hour contact session which he slept all through then take him the 240 miles back.

I was extremely upset over it at the time, but was advised by the childs (ex) social worker that I had to attend because there was a court order in place. I'd have thought it would be the same in this case too?

I am shocked to hear you had and have to go through that, and incredulous the law takes presidence over 'flu. It is a serious illness, as you and your family know to your cost.

There is no court order, we are not even divorced, I am too rich for legal aid, too poor to pay for it. Contact is voluntarily arranged, 5 nights with me, 3 nights with him, it moves forward a day each week, because he works a continental shift pattern. I moved out from living in the marital home and found a rental because he was staying in student houses and I would not let DS (who was 4) stay in random houses; he said I was stopping him seeing his son deliberately. Small details of a ubiquitous tale of woe, must stop rambling.

Anyway, thanks for yours and everyone's post(s), it certainly helps me put things into persepctive. Off to the docs.

Why did his father want him to have to travel when he was in that kind of state, tigerlilly?

I am so sorry about your brother.