to put a reward chart in toilet? I NEED to poo in peace!

[youarekidding]

Luckily for me DS is a well behaved child so never really done reward charts. We do do earning priviledges/ losing them etc.

BUT he has a horrid habit of NEEDING chocolate, drink, batteries in a toy everytime I go to the loo. I have IBS so often it takes me 5 minutes each time.

So AIBU to put a chart on the door in the hope that he'll come to door, open his mouth to demand something and then think better of it because he'll lose a privelidge for doing so?

Bit wary because last time I told DS to disturb me only for death/ hanging off limbs he climbed the worktop himself and had to disturb me as he has a hole in his chin from falling down.

But I need to go in peace and he needs to learn priorities.

Yanbu. You have to do something. We always have cbeebies on so it helps keep the peace, a bit.

I have IBS too, on the worst days I parent from the bathroom and have to deal with the carnage everytime I come out.

How old is your DS?

He's 7. He is an only child and I'm a LP. I always make sure he is doing something.

This morning he was eating his breakfast, I said I was going to loo, get there and he calls me...............................

to tell me t's 7.15 am. I mean WTF? Why? I really wish I could understand it. He isn't an attention seeking child and will not do it if I'm in the kitchen cooking, in the bath, in bedroom getting dressed. JUST when I go to the loo.
It HAS to STOP.

Well he is old enough to understand, Can you not just go to the toilet and not tell him? I don't announce I'm going for a dump, I just go.

Or just ignore him?

I don't always tell him but if I do I say I'm going to the loo do not disturb. Maybe I am putting the idea into his head to disturb him.

I really need to ignore ignore ignore scalds self but guess that since last time I did we ended up in A&E I have made the problem worse?

At 7 he is plenty old enough to know that he shouldnt go helping himself. I dont think a reward chart is the answer here.. I think a punishment chart sounds more in order.

pretty much my idea squeaky A chart on the outside of the bathroom door that can be ticked when I get peace and a cross when I'm disturbed. The crosses will mean loss of priviledges (use of laptop/Wii etc). Ticks will mean he can use them as he would normally. Hopefully it will serve as reminder to think before he calls through the door.

He is allowed to help himself to snacks. He has a box that's filled daily and he gets whats in there and fruit bowl. He's very able to control his eating so that doesn't bother me. The fall was because he climbed up to get a bowl for cereal. He makes his own but there's always a bowl got down for the morning and tbf to him he was trying to do it himself not to disturb me. He got it wrong and has learnt from that.

With a DS of 7, you should be having long lie-ins, if that's what you want, let alone asking for a 5 minute loo break!

Could you try explaining to him that by interrupting you in such a way, it's potentially affecting your health? Obviously, you would know best how much detail you would want to go into about your IBS.

I get lie ins! He can make toast and cereal and put on DVD, watch TV. I usually wake up when he gets up but then doze and he lets me without disturbance. I just make sure the breakfast stuff is where he can reach it.

It's just the toilet he seems to disturb me on.

i don't think it's a reward chart you need tbh. i don't think you should punish him for talking to you while you're in the toilet, that's a bit weird tbh

what I WOULD do is say "DS, i am just going to the loo, please don't disturb me"

if he then starts talking/calling to you just ignore. if it gets beyond ignorable then remind him that he is to leave you in peace for a bit and then carry on ignoring.

I agree with thisis

tell him to wait and leave you alone. I don't know how you stand it. I would get really annoyed.

thisisyesterday I am going to continue telling him I'm going with a do not disturb! I really do need to practice my ignore. Thankyou for the advice. It did seem strange to me to have a reward chart for such a thin but felt lost as to what to do.

I think part of it is when your doubled over with cramps and wondering if your stuck on the loo -think mornings and needing to get out the house! or dinners on and your hoping it doesn't burn! it seems like an added stress.

I think part of it is my issue.

I'm going to have to take deep breathes and ignore him, which is hard when in pain, but not let the pain be responsible for my actions iyswim?

and I know it's me not being firm because this morning I was on the phone to mum (cousin had her baby during the night ) and DS decided that was the time he needed breakfast. A quick hand up to indicate 'no, go away' and ignoring worked. He didn't ask me when I got of the phone and I had to offer it 10 minutes later.

So it's clearly a behaviour thing I've let develop and that I need to undo.

Alemci I do have been known to yell 'bugger off I'm trying to go to the toilet' before . Even worse was I forgot the bathroom window was open.

God, my ds is 5 and if he tries to bug me on the toilet I yell "go away I am ON THE TOILET!"
I can't be arsed with reward charts.

I certainly think it is a case of him being told in no uncertain terms that it is rude to interrupt unless it is something that could cause imminent danger such as a house fire.. whether you are on the loo, or on the phone.

He is old enough to be told and understand that you have IBS and be told what it is.

A quick hand up to indicate 'no, go away' and ignoring worked.. even a toddler would understand that, and your boy is 7 so he really should know without having to be told that it is rude to be trying to pester you at particular times.

If, like you say, you have to dash to the loo when you are in the middle of something, then he is also old enough for you to put something on a low heat and to say "keep an eye on that pan please", which should keep him busy until you get back. Give him responsibilities.

yeah it does sound like it's one of those learned behaviours doesn't it?
I can remember very clearly as a child going through a phase of calling out for a drink after I'd gone to bed. My mum would ask me every night if i needed a drink and I always said no. I genuinely didn't want one. Then, about 15 minutes after going to bed I felt really thirsty.

one night we had a babysitter (a rare occurence) and I was too scared to call her for a drink and that broke me out of the habit!

so I wonder if it's just a bit like that and for whatever reason you going into the loo has become a kind of cue to him to desperately need you for something.
I realise with IBS that you probably often don't get a lot of notice that you need to rush off, but if you do have a moment or 2 before you go it might b e worth just saying "i;m going to the loo, there's food and a drink on the table, I'll be out in a bit" or whatever?

I think you've hit it on the head thisisyesterday. It's a learned behaviour, and probably one I've started by accident because the loo is an issue to me. He knows that when I'm on the loo I'll do anything for an easy life because it's a time when I'm distracted by pain. He has tried the drink thing - got no response except the TV turned up louder and others but in these situations I've been in control of whats happening. I think I feel so out of control in the toilet I've passed this feeling onto DS somehow.

WOW - that was deep for a weekend

The phone thing is normal kids pushing boundaries but he knows the hand means 'go away' and does. It's unusual for him to interrupt but like any child he'll try it on.

squeaky I'd love to let DS have some responsibility and am trying but he's just not ready for that yet - previous incidents to prove this.

Maybe I'm not the best parent but any of my dc would get sent away with a flea in their ear if they did that to me on the loo! Never mind reward charts, they'd get a bollocking

Glad to hear it Halos DS will be getting one from now on.

My Dcs are 15 and 12. They still yell at me through the door! My response nowadays is "PISS OFF IM HAVING A POO!"
It works, HTH!

Tell him off ffs!

you need to put a walkman on when you go, so you can't hear him.
hopefully, no response will reduce the frequency

saggy

nickel excellent idea. I did PMSL at the idea of me asking DS is I could borrow his MP3 player so I could shit in peace.

Just a thought, how aware is he of your IBS? Does he have some funny/misunderstood ideas on it and is checking on you, in a child's way, cause he's worried? Sounds odd since he's otherwise so independent.

Might do Idocrazythings. I have had related problems in the past that have required surgery. I never really explained what it was as he was too young but he knows I get tummy problems.

I have followed the advice here about reassuring and telling him I'm going to ignore him and it seems to be improving. The other day he kept banging, rubbing on door etc and I said 'DS I told you I was going to the toilet. Unless it's an emergency go away and I'll speak to when when I'm out'. He did and so I praised him. He's disturbing me less and the above tactic is working when he does.