To wonder if there's more to life than this and not have a clue how to get it

[WannaBeWildCosMyLifesSoTame]

I feel at a real crossroads in my life and don't know what to do about it. I've got a fairly happy marriage, a lovely daughter and a successful-ish career. We own our own home in a nice area (well the bank does but anyway), we're not very well off but not quite on the breadline although DH has recently been made redundant so that could change quite soon...

I think it's the redundancy that's started me thinking like this because neither of us has a clue what we really want to happen now - obviously DH needs to start earning again soon as his redundancy money won't last us long but he's not sure he wants to go back to a full-time job even if he could get one. I freelance from home and I think he'd like to do the same (we both do the same job) but the idea of surviving on 2 freelance salaries is very scary even if we could bring in enough business.

Money seems to be guiding what we will end up doing because of course we have to earn enough to cover our outgoings and I find that so depressing although I know it's a fact of life for most people! But it just makes me wonder what it's all for - working to earn to pay for 'things' and if you do well, being able to buy more 'things'. Surely there is more to life than that? Everyone seems so obsessed with 'stuff', me as much as anyone at times, but more and more lately I find myself getting pissed off with people being so materialistic - all my friends seem to think/talk about is their latest purchase.

I look to the future and I have no idea what I want it to consist of for us. When I was younger I imagined getting a job, buying a house, getting married, having kids etc but now what? Seems like the only milestones in my life will be DD's and then retirement. Is that really all I have to look forward to? I don't want to live through my child but I really can't see what's out there for me. I want something more but I don't know what and I don't know how to find out.

If anyone has got through this - well done! I'd very much appreciate some thoughts from other MNers having mid life crises, I surely can't be the only one that feels like this?

I am going to go against the grain here and say YABU OP.

You have , basically, everything you need, and now you are just bored.
I can understand that to an extent, but dial it back a bit.

Imagine that you don't have a creative freelance career.
You work in Asda. For a manager who is 22 and says things like
"Look Wannabe, you are going to have to stack those beans neater than that. Do you need me to explain it to you again?"

Ok, now dial it back some more. You don't have a DH, so every little bit of responisibilty is now on your shoulders. Feel that?

Now imagine that you don't have a house, and you live in a rented ex-council flat on a dodgy estate. You sleep with a hammer next to your bed because last summer every house on the street got broken into at night when the occupants were in.
You don't feel very safe there.

You sleep badly at night, doing endless sums in your head to work out if you can cover the bills. You dread the postman coming. Sometimes you go without dinner because there is not enough food left in the house for you and your child.

Now imagine that, having lived like this for some years, a fairy godmother appears, waves a magic wand, and suddenly you have everything you have now.

Count your blessings girl. And if you are bored, then take up dancing, help the needy, make friends with some old people (They have great perspective).

To me what you are saying remind me a bit of that famous cartoon of two rich ladies in the back of a limo. One lady says to the other "this champagne is warm and the caviar is too salty. Will it ever end?"

You make a very good point NorthernWreck - I certainly haven't had things handed to me on a plate (in fact I have had some very tough times in the past) but nevertheless I am in a pretty fortunate place at the moment compared to many people. Unfortunately knowing that doesn't change how I feel, in some ways it makes it worse because I know I ought to shut up and be content with what I have.

Gosh, i could have written that, although i am going through a tough time just now and sort of hanker after what sounds on the face of it quite a nice life with few worries. (apart from the redundancy, which please God is only a transient worry). That isnt a criticism becuse i know if i did get to that stage i would be feeling the same way as you.

But heres the thing, we just don't know what is around the corner, anything can happen - you might win the lottery, your DH might get offered a dream job in your dream location, or God forbid, your fortune might not be as good and soemthing terrible might happen. We just don't know.

This advice is as much for myself as it is you - just stop striving for a bit and enjoy what is put in front of you today, this week, this month. Think of something you enjoy doing and do it, be that getting on a horse or getting bladdered with some friends at the weekend.

I know exactly what you mean about peopel and their possesions etc, the mums at my daughters school are always banging on about their new kitchesn, new houses, holidays etc - and how is this for cynical, i only tolerate their bullshit because my husband is a builder and very good at what he does, and i make sure they all know this. Have got him loads of work this way!!!

We live hand to mouth, have no credit cards, no overdraft - sometiems its waring, frustrating, but each day our debt goes down and that is a GOOD feeling. Right now that is the only more i can ask for - but my screen name is not a coincidence and i do know how you feel.

I've been through, in fact still going through, something similar OP. Before I met DH and got married I lived a full, exciting life full of travel and adventure, career on the up etc (many awful times too but I consider that part of life). Then I married, had a child and settled for the first time in my adult life and I love it as I consider this more settled part of my life as a new adventure which I am savouring as much as possible.

But it's not enough and last year I turned 40 and started wanting something a little different again (whilst still staying married etc) and started doing a lot of soul searching. I really began to think about death and how, when it came down to it, want I will want to have accomplished in my life.

For me it came down to creativity - not in my job or in my parenting but I realised what I most want to do is to create something new that reaches out to others and has an impact on them - makes them look at life a bit differently. I'd always loved writing fiction and had written two (unpublished) novels before and realised this is what I need to do now. So in my spare time I am writing a book and it's my new adventure. I feel so much better.

You need to do some soul searching of your own but at the same time consider the search the adventure in and of itself. Reflect, dream, meditate, talk to others... It's a very exciting time for you