It's all my fault-everything!!!

[Molehillmountain]

I know research and knowledge are wonderful things but I'm feeling weighed down by how many things are down to parenting. Thing is - there are things I've found out too late to change and some things that I don't know I could change even with knowledge. I don't think my parents felt like this-it was all down to personality and never their "fault". So every social failing or educational difficulty feels as if I'm responsible in some way-does anyone else feel the same?

not really

It's not your fault. It's the grandparents. It's always the Grandparents fault.

Unless you have a handy ex-husband in the background, in which case it's all HIS fault. And his parents'.

Life is what you make of it. Your children's lives are only partically in your hands.

This is an interesting site.

www.illiteratewithdrawal.com/2008/02/nature-vs-nurture-twin-studies/

www.simplypsychology.org/naturevsnurture.html

I believe that nuture does play a role, but provided you aren't abusive your kids will reach their potential.

Yes it is all your fault.

However if your child is bright, intelligent, good at sports/music/art, polite, good mannered, a good sleeper or any other nice thing, then that luck. Don't try and claim any credit for that.

It is all our fault but being as we are a product of our parents, it is their fault but being as they are a product of their parents and so on and so forth.

I personally blame Rhianna, Eminem, all new technology and the education system for all the worlds ills including the states of DSS's bedroom.

Do your best and go with the flow - most children grow up into healthy, well adjusted adults. If yours end up on the front cover of the DM you have failed.

I feel like that. My DDs are very paranoid and i think its my fault coz i'm not very sociable and quite paranoid myself. DD1 didnt excell at school and thats my fault coz i never helped with homework. DD2 is a fussy eater because i cut corners when she was little. I married a useless man because i was pregnant and its my fault because i should have had more self respect.

But then i've PMT at the mo, so the world has turned black.

Hmm-sounds familiar weevil. This post sprung from my recurrent panic about dd's social skills. She's bossy and uncompromising at times and finding it hard to share and I attribute this variously to 1) having had a third child 2) being bossy and somewhat uncompromising myself 3) giving in too much/too little to her 4) not giving her enough freedom 5) giving her too much freedom. I am, I realise, sending myself crazy with my speculation. Obviously, I also bring my family into it and blame my parents for letting me become all of the above.

No, I'm pretty sure it's all my fault. Everything, including problems with your DCs. After all, I am not only a mother but also a single one. ANd on top of that, I'm a teacher. And a Socialist. It's definitely all my fault :)

Oh YABVVVVVU.
It's all MY fault as I am informed regularly.

How old is she?

Ah-cardibach, I can tick of most of yours too! And she's six. God I'm struggling with her. Either I have to accept she is how she is at the moment and that will be just hellish. Or...I accept that simething can be done and try to help her!!! And then that leaves me with those if only I'd worked it out earlier feelings. Aaarggh!

molehill six is a really, really difficult age. I've done it twice and it's much worse than the terrible twos or the frightful fours.

Of course, since you are a mother, it is all your fault. It comes with the package - anxiety, sleeplessness and guilt are mandatory additions to the motherhood experience.

Research has shown that reading research papers is bad for you, leading to the above mentioned unholy trinity.

I suggest you just follow the slogan they used to put out in WWII - keep calm and carry on. Difficult, I know, but it does work.

This too shall pass

I'm a single mother AND catholic. So everythings MY fault.

DD2 is 11, she is soooo like me it scares me. Except i would have been sewing something at her age, not watching telly or playing DS. Weevils ought to get stuck into some sewing!

Ok, lets be positive.
DD1(18) is living and working abroad and every time she conjures up a meal out of random ingredients she drawing upon her impoverished upbringing which has actually given her a cunning streak!
That was my fault, but in a good way!

Who else has a positive? Come on....! You know you have one hiding!

I am a f/t working mum, which means that clearly everything is my fault. My DDs are destined to roam the streets in a feral fashion, fall pregnant at age 12, do drugs, steal cars and wear hoodies.

All I can say is that DD1 had better get on with it - she's 11 tomorrow, not much time left for the pregnancy bit and she hasn't even taken up smoking yet.

Instead she seems to have inherited my persistent streak, which means she will 1) go on and on and on trying to get what she wants (but she has DH and me for parents so mostly no chance) or 2) Keep trying and trying until she has worked out the solution to a problem. I think 2) will stand her in good stead in later life.

DD2 is almost 9, and she won't wear a hoodie at all. I despair.

pointy...six is a difficult age.
So is 1234578910111212113.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................64

2 of my DCs are adults (in their 20s). Think of a parenting mistake it is possible to make, and I made it. I fucked up numerous times - I was young and shit and there was no Mumsnet back then.

BUT I always loved them and supported them, and I really do believe that that's enough. They're happy, confident young people - they've had their problems, DD especially, and collectively we had some rough times but the key to being an OK adult is being a loved child. Don't overthink it - I know I sound simplistic, but really good parenting is simple. Love them, have fun with them, be there for them - and they'll be OK.

You know what? Aibu is such a good place. It's straight talking but really supportive. I feel crap about dd1 at the moment-and feel awful about the fact that I often think the worst of her, but you've made me feel as if I can get up and maybe do it better tomorrow. And made me laugh too. Poor dd1-she's her mother's child so I'd better teach her the ins and outs of mumsnet so she can be a proper mini me!!!

You have to decide in life what was down to you and what was down to others and out of your control ... then decide whether to keep blaming the other forces or move on.

I chose to move on, I accept my parents fucked up but want a good relationship with them and they ar fantastic gps, I married a mover on too. Both of us had one parent who was a blamer and dh's sister blames all that is wrong in her life on her mother and all that is right as her own success which at 45 is fucking annoying rather frustrating.

Raising children is hard, if you go to sleep each night thinking I could have done that or this, than that is fine, as long as you can also say that that at moment in time I did do the very best I could. And on the odd occasions you didn't do the best or the right thing, it's never ever to late to say sorry.