To wonder how people like me manage to work?

[Sarem]

With a chikd with special needs where there are a constant stream of appointments, with behaviour issues which make before and after school a very tricky time? In all seriousness, how can it be done? All I can think of is working evenings or something you can do freelance from home, or what am I missing?

You need to be a multi-millionaire like Samantha Cameron. Otherwise it's very difficult.

Sarem does the child's father work? Usually there are 2 people to pick up parental duties and income earning duties...

Yes he does, not sure what you mean though?

Understanding and sympathetic and flexible employer.

well, if there are two of you, there are two people to juggle annual leave to take DCs to appointments, and take parental leave if needed, 2 people to ferry them around. I just meant that if you're not the only one having to fit in employment with the extra needs of a child then it alleviates some of the work (roughly half, or should!). For e.g. when ours came down with a STRING of illnesses a couple of years ago, it kicked in about 3 weeks after I'd started my new job. There was no way I could take any time off work easily so DH stepped in. So it made it easier... that's all

Did you work when your child was pre school? A childminder might be a better option than after school clubs- they are often experienced in a range of behaviours and a child may find it easier to settle in a home environment. Medical appointments you split between each parents leave. Most employers are quite reasonable about paid leave for a certain amount outside the annual leave too.

I haven't worked since ds was born. Yes I was thinking childminder would be better. If you use annual leave for appointments you can pretty much give up on holidays then I guess? Added complication is that I go back to my home country to see my family as often as possible.

I was working full time until recently (my eldest has SN), it was very stressful and always felt my employer was doing favours. I could not have done it without my amazing nanny, older lady with grown up children, lots of time to help at the drop of a hat, and loved DS to bits.

Without her it wouldnt have been possible for me to work.

Can't your family come here to visit you instead? Maybe give a bit if help?

My youngest has ASD and my DH has VERY understanding employers which allow him to take time off for appts and make his hours up so we don't lose any money, Also he is able to take time off if the kids are ill. We realise we are very lucky.

Both work part time?

Are part time jobs common? I would love to work part time, don't see any advertised.

I would guess you would use a combination of annual leave and parental leave, which you would be entitled to up until your child turns 18. It is unpaid though, but might help you return to work?

I worked nights mon,thus and every sat with over time sometime that way i could if i need to go to apps .child sick often was, and the holidays, also could manage to have a lot of the summer off but did have to work over Christmas.
Was in haze for 7 years though cant remember most of it. Husband could only cope with night care and weekend care never made many after app after the 1st year or so did do school meeting some of the time . there are loads of them too. He did the morning school run as it fited in with work as it was early start school.

It all sounds rather nightmarish.

It's not easy but do-able. Our dc2 has always needed regular medical appointments, and had surgery at age 2 and again at 7. Nursery was good at pre school age but we found a childminder best for before/after school as a cm can be more flexible. Ours was able to pick up from school if dc became unwell or too tired during the day.

nightmarish, yes.

But how else do you pay the bills? Genuine question. Short of being born into money, working isn't exactly a choice, is it?

I work part-time, dh full-time. Juggling and each doing as much as we can. Dd is now old enough to be left at home, before that I don't know how we coped.

I work from home, DS1's needs are pretty mild but appointments do get annoying (I don't drive and most are in a town 15 miles away, so it's a full day most of the time with public transport.)

When I was teaching, and DS1's appoinments were what felt like constant, I had my pay docked, which was nice.

Its not just about dcs with SN. I have a range of illnesses and work and it is difficult at times to juggle all the appointments I have and still work. But I really have no choice.

I work from home, have to.

DH is the main breadwinner and we are both self-employed. He can't take annual leave or sick leave or parental leave etc. So when appointments come up, I take DS. We can't afford for DH to lose contracts.

Really hard tho. Very difficult to find a childminder who will take DS on, we couldn't find one. thankfully, he got a placement at SN nursery and goes there 3 hours a day so when I come back I work like mad and again in the evenig when he is running round the house sleeping.

I would love to get back into 'a proper job' and really want to train to become a midwife, but it's never going to happen. We have 4 days of repercussions if DH works away for a night, there is no chance DS will cope with me working shifts. I am his main carer and he needs me.

Be prepared for the "my life is far worse than yours and I can still work" brigade or the "you're not trying hard enough, can't you stuff evelopes".

It is really hard, first thing is to try and find an employer to take you on.

Maybe you shouldn't be trying to work at this stage? It depends on a lot of factors? Can you claim DLA (disability living allowance) for your child if he has a diagnosed special need?

My ds2 has traits of Aspergers but hasn't got a definite diagnosis. Meanwhile he got a final warning for being thrown out of afterschool club for bad behaviour. It looked like everything was about to fall apart with me working and it was very stressful. However luckily ds2 did understand the final warning and he was able to pull his behaviour around and now he gets on great at after school club. I did think then about a childminder but none were keen to take on just two afterschool pickups, they wanted fulltime.