To feel like I just don't "fit in"

[BlackCatTryingToFly]

I always seem to say the wrong thing!
I have never really been popular anywhere in life. At school I was always the quiet shy one. I have no friends in real life. I am just an odd ball!!
I have wondered before if I have something like aspergers or autism cause I'm just no good at social stuff!

OR

AIBU cause I didn't get enough sleep last night and am very tired.

I think your issue is you need to understand that as a cat you will never actually fly.

But yes when i am sleep deprived i tend to feel pretty crap about myself everything seems bleaker somehow, are you usually pretty happy?

The "Flying" is to do with Flylady (it's a house keeping website).

You just haven't found (yet) like minded people. Nothing wrong with being shy and quiet at all. Just try and find people who appreciate you just the way you are.

It maybe to do with Flylady but ABatInABunkFive has a good point.

As a shy person, maybe you weren't born to be Miss Popular, maybe you are more liked than you think, maybe you don't give others a chance.

I have foot in mouth issues, but have friends, some of them through sheer hard work. If you're no good at social stuff, maybe a good way to meet people and be less lonely could be joining a group where you have a shared interest... yes I know that would be a social group, but the focus is on a mutual interest rather than socialising, the friendships build slowly and there's no pressure.

Do you want masses of aquaintances? Or just a few well chosen people you like and can talk to if you need to?

Not sure this all comes across. Be proud to be a Black Cat, stop worrying that you can't fly, but try and tackle the bits that you crave... chin up, hope you have a better night's sleep tonight. x

I am very similar, have always been shy and quiet which just doesn't sit well with some people. I don't have many friends but eventually made peace with that fact. I suppose it depends on whether you are happy being a bit of a loner, or whether this is getting you down. People always say to me "Oh I'm shy too, I just pretend I am really loud and get on with it" which bothers me a lot, I don't want to be complete fakes like them. I used to get down about being a bit of a one man band with few friends, but once I realised there is nothing wrong with being an introvert, and I could fill my time doing things I like, it didn't get to me as much. If people have a problem with me being quiet I don't have time for them.

Being tired definitely makes you magnify your flaws though! Perhaps it will blow over when you have some sleep.

I'm a bit like that too. I stick to a few tried and trusted types and keep it at that. For whatever reason I don't work in groups. I become the foot in the mouth one.
Tiredness makes it much worse - the other day I was convinced I had upset two of the three friends I have as I hadn't heard from them for a while. I rang them up and neither answered the phone - which made me more convinced. They rang me back the following day and all was fine - just all in my head. Get some sleep and worry about it another day.

YANBU. I spent many many years feeling the same way. It was only when I started counselling and many issues from my childhood were identified as the cause of how I felt, that I started to think "actually, I don't want to fit in or be popular particularly, I just want to be ME and want people to like me for who I am". I have a huge circle of acquaintances but actually in recent months I have really trimmed down my circle of proper friends, and only spend time with those that appreciate the real me and take me as they find me.

psketti I am rubbish in groups too; I've tried all the group thing and girls' nights out etc but I find I am far better in one-to-one friendships. I think also in big groups where everyone is friends it can leave everyone open to being bitched about or left out.

YANBU, I feel like this lots.

Yep, I can never fit in either. Hexagonal makes a good point about issues from childhood, I wonder if that's relevant to anyone else?

I prefer one-to-one friends as well; they're less socially exhausting IYSWIM.

I am very very different & always have been, right from Childhood.
I really do think differently from most people.
I've had spells when I had a good social life but right now (SAHM in small town) I've a dearth of like-minded people to mix with.
There are heaps of folk like me on the Internet, I reckon. Why would anyone with a terrific "real" life spend much time on here?

I feel like this. I have to work really hard at friendships. DS has autistic traits and is being referred. I spend a lot of time wondering if I have asd.

I feel like this. I have to work really hard at friendships. DS has autistic traits and is being referred. I spend a lot of time wondering if I have asd.

I am a bit of an oddball but have learned to try and not give a shit.

YANBU - I'm no socialite, never have been, happy to be that way

I am not particularly quiet. But i feel like a round hole, square peg. When ds1
was diagnosed as aspergers, I started to wonder how aspergerist I was too. I'm still not sure. But I sure find life harder than I think it is supposed to be.

There's nothing wrong with you at all - there are lots of us who are like this :) It's only the modern age which insists everyone has to be a "bubbly" extrovert, when actually many of us are just not made that way. Can you find some activities where you're likely to meet people with similar personalities?