to go to Germany, leave DH behind and risk giving birth back there?

[zeegilly]

I am really torn about this.

To put it simply my Oma (grandmother) is dying. My family and doctors think it wont be long at all.
She is back in Germany.
I'm 33 weeks pregnant.
I really want to see her before she goes.

DH has to work and can't come with me.
He has said that it is fine for me to go and he understands that I have to go (for myself and also for Oma)

But I can't tell the future and say she will die next week or in a month.
If I was there, I could end up giving birth in Germany with DH back in the UK.

If I go I risk giving birth in Germany and DH missing it, And I don't know how that will settle with me
but
If i don't go, I miss seeing my Oma before she goes and I don't know how I would cope with that

AIBU to go or to not go?

Well you have to make your own decision, but I would just go and then worry about the timings of things when you know more and have seen your Oma.

exactly what emsy said. Wise words. Sorry about your Oma (((((hug)))))

First child? Its usually a delay and long birth process, DH can get on a 'plane. Germany hardly has the worst health service in the world either.

would you be allowed on the plane at 33 weeks, i know some airline there is a limit.

I would go. Your DH could get an emergency flight to Germany with compassionate/emergency paternity leave for a day or so. We looked at emergency flights when DP's father was passing away and they were around £300 per person (we are in NE so flights a bit more expensive than if we had London to go from). German healthcare is also good. I'm sorry about your Oma.

Go.

Go.

You'll regret it if you don't.

Now for the sensible bit - plan as if you were going to have it there - get your health insurance, a GP, a consultant, midwife, sorted in advance.

Get your EHIC, pack your hospital bag, bring any documents you will need to get your baby an EHIC and a passport. Get your 'fit to fly' certificate from your GP/midwife.

Get all your medical notes and have them translated into German (you don't want to have to do this while in labour). Work out how DH will join you in the event it happens early (he may be able to get there in time - first ones can be slow).

Sort out a plan B if you're too far gone to fly back or don't get the doc's certificate - mine was to have a friend drive me to Calais (I booked several boat journeys each for £6) and my brother to collect me from Dover.

Bon voyage and sorry for your grandmama.

What does your Oma and your family out there say?

Have you checked that you would be allowed to fly?

Sorry about your Oma

I know that some airlines won't allow you to fly in the 3rd trimester so best check that and tbh, its not hours and hours away so your hubby could fly to you couldn't he?

What Toffee Penny said (just don't put gas and air in your birth plan because you can't get it here).

Any way it's still weeks away, you are very unlikely to go into labout at 33 weeks.

I'm guessing you're german and so already know about gas and air. You'll also know that the hospitals are spotlessly clean and midwives are very keen on active labour and getting you into the best birthing positions etc. You'd be in excellent hands.

But like I said before, you'll be home again with weeks to spare.

I would go as soon as I could... say goodbye sweety, you don't have to wait until the end, but I understand the need to say goodbye.

As for you and your baby, your dh, the practicalities... well, you probably won't have your baby in the next couple of weeks, and if baby comes it will come, and you will cope.

From your OP I think you know you need to say goodbye to Oma. That is the only thing you can control right now. Don't feel guilty that you can't read the future.

Thinking of you.

You could easily have another 9 weeks to go (speaks as someone whose dcs eventually turned up at 42 weeks) so potentially have plenty of time to go home, say goodbye to your Oma and be back in the UK long before you go into labour.

If not, Germany has excellent hospitals and is a very short plane journey away so your husband could be by your side quite quickly. Also, while there are exceptions, first labours can be longish.

First child? Its usually a delay

Famous last words for me....my one and only came at 36 weeks.

Anyway, you should definately go! Go and see Oma and make sure you have all your medical records/registration with you.

You will not regret going.

Can your DH get compassionate leave to accompany you or at least come over after you?

this must be such a hard time for you!

Thanks

subur Nope there is no way he could get the time off unfortunatly

loubie yep German and know all that and my Mutti is a midwife

IUse and Morelli Have checked tonight and airlines will allow me to fly for some I need a fitness to fly for others I don't

My family say it is up to me whether I decided to come or not.

Fairpoint of DH getting over if I do stay and go into labour

Thanks Toffee For all that.

I'll go to sleep and if I feel 100& like I should go in the morning then I will go ASAP.

So sorry to hear about your Oma.

You sounds like to really want to say goodbye to her, just go. It is unlikely you would go into labour, if you do your DH can fly out to be with you. Your DH understands your need to go, it also sounds like you will have good support from your family and excellent medical care there should you need it.

Many people think that women often subconciously 'time' their labours - ie to avoid giving birth in terrible situations, on the tube, etc. I know there are many many exceptions to this, but I find it quite a believable 'old wive's tale' that your body would not start producing the hormones to start labour until you were feeling safe and ready. It's not something to rely one, obviously, but personally I think your body will go into labour at the right time for you, and that will fit around your need to say goodbye to your Oma.

You should definately go. Your husband can get on a flight, depending where in Germany you live he could even take the Eurostar to Brussels and from there the train. You will always regret it if you don't go.

Germany has an excellent health care system, so there shouldn't be anything to worry about.

Go and see your Oma, and your family.
I think your baby will know not to come until you return.

My small for dates DD1 waited until the evening before she was due to be induced to arrive without needing to be.

If you gave birth in Germany how long would it take to arrange the paperwork for you and baby to come home?

Go.

You're DH can come over if you go into labour.

I agree with Toffee. Sort everything out in advance, so that you ahve a good back up plan and are ready to react to anything that happens.

Sorry about your Oma.

Definitely go. You've still got ~7 weeks to go, so if you go now you should have plenty of time to see her and be back in the UK for the birth. And if not, well shit happens and you'll deal with it if it does. But you'll always regret it if you don't go and it will be much easier to visit now than when you have a small baby.

I'd probably go, but would you be able to get back before the birth anyway? What if she passes away in say three or four weeks - would you be able to fly back at 37+ weeks anyway? I think if you go you need to accept you'll 99% be birthing in Germany which I'm sure will be fine and doesn't sound like a problem for you, but from someone who had a six hour first labour from start to finish, I'd urge you to talk it all through with your husband first! Can you both accept that there's a huge chance he won't be there? Because that's the choice you have to be happy making.

Would you want to be with your Oma till the end, Sparkle?

My DH's Oma had some kind of a stroke the weekend that I gave birth to our DS. My PILs didn't say anything because they didn't want us to worry. Oma hung on for another month until we went to visit before she passed, it was like she wanted to "see" him.

If you want to stay with your family, you may not be able to get back to UK in time for the birth.

Getting back after the birth isn't a problem. You can register the birth through the hospital normally and get a Kinderausweis from your Rathaus. If I remember correctly, it was not complicated - you don't need a photo or anything.

You will then need to register the birth with the British Consulate in Germany (in Düsseldorf).

Go. It's v unlikely your baby will arrive before you get back.