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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it's so much easier just having one child.

78 replies

dollywashers · 18/01/2012 17:20

I have two daughter's. My Mum has started picking one of them up from school one night a week (alternate weeks for each girl). It's just so much easier with one child. We have had such a lovely time together. Not that we have an awful time when we are all here but just think it's so much easier with one.

OP posts:
paisleyII · 18/01/2012 20:27

OP - btw, i think from my point of view, it probably is easier having one. i have one and find it a piece of piss although she is an easy independant child, i know not all kids are easy, i could never imagine being able to look after two and have always admired the other mums at the school gate with more than one child although i will never know what it is like

paisleyII · 18/01/2012 20:30

iuse - as i said, i have a HUGE chip on my shoulder and am going through one of my 'dark phases' when i get very upset about the fact i will never have another child, sorry i snapped, it's my problem and i shouldn't be so quick to take it out on other people :(

MaureenMLove · 18/01/2012 20:31

Paisley, do you talk to anyone about how you feel? You sound like you could do with it. I'm really not being sarky or rude about this, but you do sound very angry about it (understandly so obviously) but maybe you need to talk to someone about how you feel.

Please don't think I'm being nasty to you, I really am not. Smile

MaureenMLove · 18/01/2012 20:33

Oh and I suppose it might help to out myself as not a mother of an only by choice. I had two ectopics after I had DD, both of which almost killed me, so I do know 100% how you feel. Smile

paisleyII · 18/01/2012 20:35

mo - i am the rude crabby one. and yes, i have seen a fair few therapists over the years but they don't help, they can't really can they. but i am too old for another child now so it is easier to let go as i don't have any hope, it was hope that was such a nightmare before, the monthly rollercoaster. but i am in alot of pain and it is something i have to live with. i am not always this rude and crabby, it comes in waves. Sometimes i find the threads on MN a bit like a gory horror movies, you don't want to watch but you can't help yourself. when i see a thread about having lots of children and it read the posts by other MN's who have lots (most have lots) it is very hard, i feel so envious and inferior, less of a women, may sound ridiculous but all of the women i knew with SI felt the same, you probably wonder why i read the posts? morbid curiosity.....most of the time actually i am a happy person who loves her life, i just grieve sometimes for the child i will never have (i lost one whilst ttc and one before dd), i am a stupid sod.....it will pass

paisleyII · 18/01/2012 20:38

mo really sorry to read about your ectopics, that really sucks :(

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 18/01/2012 20:39

Paisley Sad

I am sorry you feel the way you do and I hope you have lots of love and support around you.

I understand as much as I possibly can, but I won't pretend to know how you feel.

Infertility is shit.

paisleyII · 18/01/2012 20:40

iuse thank you :) big hugs to karma, really sorry

MaureenMLove · 18/01/2012 20:44

i feel so envious and inferior, less of a women Sounds perfectly normal to me. I've been there!

I promise, promise, promise, that it will get easier. It really does.

paisleyII · 18/01/2012 20:46

mo, thank you, i know, it is already so much better BUT as you have read, i have times when i feel really low, i think i should avoid some threads (sorry OP, i didn't mean to take over...i'll go now)

MaureenMLove · 18/01/2012 20:52

Bless ya! Grin

IKilledIgglePiggle · 18/01/2012 20:59

YANBU, I know what you mean and I know this thread was meant to be lighthearted. I have 3 and it is nice to have time with one on their own, especially as my DD and DS 1 have nine years between them, it's nice to escape from DDs toddlerhood and listen to stories from the strange world of the ten year old boy, and one less always seems so much easier because you are used to the number you have.

Forrestgump · 18/01/2012 21:05

Op I feel the same when one of my 3 is missing, 2 is so much easier. when 2 are missing omg 1 is just lush! Bit I like chaos and nothing i like better than when all 3 are here!

My thoughts are with everyone who has taken this post personally.

brandysoakedbitch · 18/01/2012 21:07

Karma - I am so so sorry for your loss

I have four children (expecting 5th) and when the two older are at school and my 3 year old is at playgroup having my little chap at 16 months all to myself is amazing as his big brother is always all over him. I love those mornings when we are on our own but nothing in the world beats seeing all my children together. I feel so incredibly proud of them all especially when we are out and people are really lovely about them [beams with intense pride]

BsshBossh · 19/01/2012 10:52

My DD (3.5) is an only child and plays happily for long stretches on her own; she doesn't demand my time and I'm able to drink hot coffee and read the paper if I want too. At the same time she plays very well with her friends. I'm very lucky and yes our life is easy.

But then I know parents with one child who have more demanding "onlies" and find it hard.

Each child is different. You can't generalise.

NorthernWreck · 19/01/2012 12:03

Mummy play with meeeeee!

When they get older, it's not easier at all. When my ds has a friend over it is easier because they go off and play leaving me to MN make tea.

Cherriesarelovely · 19/01/2012 12:10

Karma, so sorry to hear of your loss xx

OP, I have a friend with 2 DDs who regularly takes one out while her DP takes the other out and she tells me that they really enjoy this one on one time. Not all the time obviously but once a weekish.

I only have 1 DD and it is indeed very calm and easy but I would've loved to have had more.

Katy1368 · 19/01/2012 13:05

I have one and I love it - my DD is great at playing by herself, really self sufficient so I must say I never seem to have many problems being pestered to play with her all the time. I really admire people who have more than one particularly if close together in age, I just couldn't do it.

OhdearNigel · 19/01/2012 13:25

I am sure it must be easier - which is why we are sticking with one. I see my friends that have more than one child and think "no thanks to that !".

One child I can cope with reasonably happily without being shouty and stressy. If I had more than one I think Angry Shouty Mummy would be making a lot more appearances.

NorthernWreck · 19/01/2012 13:29

I am sad that ds is already 5, so he wont get a sibling to play with even if a miracle strikes and I meet a nice man TODAY!

mojitomania · 19/01/2012 13:31

I only have one DS due to having him later in life and being single. I knew I could cope financially with one, not two.

I often feel sorry for him though not having a sibling Sad It's my one regret as I have two sisters whom I'm very close to.

NorthernWreck · 19/01/2012 13:33

Oh mojitomania. Lets have a lesbian wedding and adopt a shedload more kids!Grin

CamperFan · 19/01/2012 13:35

I've only got one, he does miss out on the camaraderie and sibling fighting that it all part of growing up and as a result he is quite naive about stuff like that (he just can't understand why some of friends are deliberately horrid to each other, or try and get each other into trouble. It just wouldn't cross his mind to do that)

Er, DS1 is 5 and has a little brother and it wouldn't cross his mind to do that either! Perhaps that will happen in the future?! Confused

ZZZenAgain · 19/01/2012 13:35

I don't know if it is easier or not but it probably feels like that atm because it is different and so the time alone with 1 of your daughers feels special

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/01/2012 13:36

I only have one and whilst in some respects it's easier, in other ways it's harder. He looks to me and DH for entertainment, he is so used to adult company I think he thinks he is one and hence prefers adult company sometimes when he could be having fun with other kids.

When we go on holiday for instance he wont make friends, he will just hang aroun with DH and I which of course is fine, he is our son, lol, but sometimes I would like to just chill with a book rather than rush around the pool like a mad thing pretending to be a shark.

I think he has missed out big time not having a sibling but sadly, it wasnt to be! However, he is 9 now and I am so over wanting another one.......:)

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