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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to trim a friend for this?

12 replies

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 14:33

gosh alot of threads of this ilk this week, clearly alot of us are NOT feeling the love!!!

so we have a friend, lovely girl and her DC were friends with mine. anyway she moved away. I kind of expected it would fade a bit, but she did pop by at times. I did get a bit annoyed initially as she would stay you should come and visit. I'd say OK, when? and she would not answer. but hey ho, we are all busy

But one thing I have noticed is some distinct frostyness from her family and some of her circle. I cant put my finger on it. but normally if you meet a friends family and mates there is some friendlyness, not here, even DP commented on it, and DS actually sad he did not like her partner (he is 3!). I kind of think its cos we are of a different social class and background to her family, and maybe they dont trust us as we are different to them, but its a tad icy

I am fond of her, so I have been making efforts to keep friendship going, so always leaping to see her when is in the area. But have been feeling a bit like its on her terms, but anyway

then the weekend just gone I happended to see her and her relative in the park as she was back in the area. It was very awkward, she clearly did NOT want us there. I cant describe but I def got the impression she was very awkward seeing us, and almost got rid of me "OK, we are walking this way now, bye" even though it was my way back anyway

I left it feeling, well sad really. Noone wants to be brushed off like that , so me and DS sadly walked home, and I went extra slow so we did not bump into them again. awkward

so , I did the very mature thing of deleting her off facebook (I know) but every time I log on (too often as its on my phone) I saw her stuff, and it made me feel, well a bit shitty really.

I just feel like, friends should not make you feel shit. maybe I overeacted but i feel like ts time to draw a line under this,but maybe did I overeact?

anyway, minor shit I know but given the high volume on this topic I wanted to ask

OP posts:
Newmummytobe79 · 18/01/2012 14:43

This really depends on how much you want her in your life? If you do, you can ask her if everything is ok - as she seemed not so great in the park? (don't be confrontational, but do mention the park as she will know she was shitty with you)

If you're not too bothered - just leave it. You've deleted her because she wasnt very nice to you and your DC. It'll be her loss not yours.

redexpat · 18/01/2012 14:44

That all sounds like very odd behaviour on her part, and it is upsetting. Don't know what else to suggest other than marking it up to experience and move on. Wish I could be more help sorry.

hiddenhome · 18/01/2012 14:46

this is what happens when you mix with the proletariat Sad

they all sounds like pains tbh.

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 14:46

I am very fond of her, and I would like her in my life. But I am angry as her behaviour made me feel really shitty. I will do nothing I think, and maybe if she sees I have delted her and withdraws, well that saus it all really.

She is a new friend, and have been seeing that new friends aint all that, old ones better!!!!

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 18/01/2012 14:47

Deleting her was a tad OTT considering nothing's actually been said, but I've done that myself in the past... and it appeared I was right in my flounce as not once did the person I deleted send a PM to ask 's'up?'.

YANBU. Maintain radio silence and see if she gets in touch, after a few months, text her and ask what's up? See what response you get.

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 14:47

LOL hiddenhome. maybe I am the prole here!!!!!

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 18/01/2012 14:49

Oh, no, are you the prole?

Oh, well, this is what happens when you knock around with stuck up arses Grin

they're still all pains though.

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 14:51

LOL, nah her family more proley than me. she is lovely, but her family, seem to hate me!!!!

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 18/01/2012 14:53

That's strange. I couldn't be friends with someone where the family seemed to hate me Sad

NotaDisneyMum · 18/01/2012 14:54

OP - I've seen this happen and it's happened to me too, and in those cases the reasons are nothing to do with the 'dropped friend' iyswim?

In one case, the 'friend' avoided reminders of her former life because her DH had an affair within the social circle and she was trying to avoid people she thought knew (they didn't) in another, a friend moved miles away in a blaze of excitement/grass-is-greener kind of way - but it all fell apart and she was really unhappy but she was embarrassed to see her old friends as she thought they'd gloat Sad

It's probably not you at all - and some friendships have a shelf life; that doesn't mean they were any less valuable Smile

LouMacca · 18/01/2012 14:57

Sorry but your friend sounds a bit rude! I had a similar experience (not her family but her other friends, when I met them, were very cool with me) and a couple of years I decided to cut my friend out of my life - we had been friends for 15 years.

It wasn't very nice because our DCs were also friendly but I found myself getting stressed out about her always cancelling meet-ups with me but seeming to have time for everyone else. I confronted her about it one day after her lastest excuse for not meeting up with us happened one hour before we were due to meet. She was sweetness and light and full of apologies on the phone but 10 minutes later I received a really nasty text off her telling me how much I had upset her. I replied that I was upset having to tell my DCs yet again that they wouldn't be meeting up with their friends after all.,

Sorry, didn't mean to make this thread about me, I just wanted to say that sometimes you just have to let go of someone who clearly isn't interested in keeping a friendship going. Concentrate on your better friends.

porcamiseria · 18/01/2012 15:08

thanks all. yeh feel somewhat vindicated, I think whats nailed it is having to walk back from park extra slow with DS so we did not bump into them again, that was not imagined on my part. its sad though, but hey shit happens

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