Come and kick me up the arse

[Wishful25]

Okay, I know I probably am being U, but please can anybody help me to get rid of these negative feelings? They're getting me down!
Basically, I am married with two young children, happy, and relatively comfortable in that there are no day to day worries etc. But, a few years ago, I was at the peak of my career, (prior to children), and couldn't have been happier.
Then, I had my first child, and was deliriously happy, both with husband and child. Fully wanted to give up the career, (which I did), and loved being at home. Fast forward a couple of years, and I missed the career, but also wanted another child. Fell pregnant, and looked so forward to the happiness of having another child. Second child now here, and the good news is I love her to bits, and I couldn't be happier in that sense.
But, for 'me', I'm still not happy. Well, I am in a way, I'm not at all a negative person, I'm a natural optomist and I do love my family and home etc. But, I can't help feeling that something is missing and that I'm still not back to being me. The good news is that I've thought about it lots, and I'm sure it's the work thing that, for me, is missing. To take steps to fix this, I am in the process of starting my own business, working from home. But, I can't stress how much I hope this works for my own sanity - I can't help but worry that I don't think I could cope if Iforever had the feeling of being 'incomplete'. So I'm really counting on the work thing to make me feel better!
But, and this is what I'd really like to know your opinions on, I have a really good friend who lives abroad, Portugual, with her family, and I am growing increasingly jealous of this on a daily basis! Is this normal?! Don't get me wrong I am pleased for her that they've made the move, but I keep on thinking oh I would love to do that, and wish I could! God I feel terrible for even writing that when I know that people have 'proper' problems in the world to deal with, and I don't, but, do you feel envious of other peoples lives? Is this normal? I suspect it is but not to the point where I am starting to compare my life to theirs on a daily basis and I know that this is not healthy. I just want to learn to really appreciate what I have and to stop wishing for more!
Sorry for the ramble!

I think that when you're not content, it's too easy to look at other people's lives and think that the grass is greener. Good for you that you're taking positive steps and starting your own business. I also have felt swallowed up by this "mum" entity that I seem to have morphed into and felt like I lost my identity in it. However, I have slowly started to reclaim little pieces of who i was before which helps. I've had to accept though that I'm not the same person I was before and I think that's one of the hardest adjustments I've had to make - for the rest of my life I will be a mother before I'm anything else, but i think it's about finding a balance.

I completely understand how you feel.
Our situations are not identical, but I could have written much of your post myself.
I think comparing our lives with those of others is quite natural, especially in these times of such constant communication. We get far more information about each other's daily existence from facebook, twitter, MN etc.
I also think that in our situation, being STHMs of young children, having given up our careers etc, that although we have much to be thankful for, it is also easy to feel frustrated and that something is missing.

I have great respect for you in that you are setting up a business to help alleviate these feelings. What will you do? Good luck with it!

With regards to your friend in Portugal, yes I can understand that her life probably sounds exotic and interesting. I can also imagine that her weather is probably rather more pleasant sounding than a UK winter, but do you know all the negative aspects of her daily existence too?
Do you know how much she misses being far from her family and friends? Do you know how many events she misses due to being too far away?
Does she have daily difficulties due to language problems and cultural differences? What aspects of UK life does she miss?
I'm sure she's happy and having fun, but it probably isn't quite as perfect as you might imagine.

I too find it hard not to look at friends' lives and think 'what if', but I have lots to be thankful for and I need to keep positive.
I also think that you should concentrate on the aspects of your life that you can actively work to improve. Your business is a great idea for exactly that and you should throw yourself into it and make it a success!!

It's totally normal to sometimes envy other people, particularly when you're not too happy with your own life. Do you get much recognition from your partner for the work you do at home? I think it's very hard to go from a good career where you're praised for your work and gain some recognition for it, to being a mum where no one sees what you do all day. It can feel a bit like you're putting in a mountain of effort for nothing. That's not the case of course, it's all going towards bringing up your children, but the effect of your effort isn't immediately obvious and so it can be unfulfilling. I think the fact that my DH is very appreciative of what I do and often comments on the progress DS makes with me really helps me to get more out of being at home. I know it seems silly to want praise, but it's not really - everyone needs to feel like their contribution is recognised and children aren't very good at giving feedback!!

Good luck with your business :)

go back to work, you will be so busy you wont have time to think, seriously!

and given that most of the south EU are economically fucked, really dont go there! I have Italian family and friendfs that have lived in Greece, Spain and Italy and its TOUGH, really tough

Those first few years of multiple kids under 4 yo are very hard, and in midwinter dreaming of Portugal must seem like heaven. Still, its someone to go and visit on holiday...and i will bet you'll find not everything there is rosy!