To want to travel by plane instead of ferry?

[SESthebrave]

DH is Irish. He has lived in England for about 20yrs but all his immediate family are in Ireland. We normally go and visit a couple of times a year and his parents normally come to us once a year.

The last time we went was for DH's 40th birthday last July. He decided to go by car/ferry and DS and I flew together with my parents who came with us (DH's suggestion!)
DH then spoke about going again in October but decided not to and then again debated about going in December (just him and DS as I couldn't get the time off work). Nothing got arranged so he now wants the 3 of us to go during my pre-booked week off work mid-Feb. This is fine by me as I enjoy spending time over there.

He is insisting he wants to go by car/ferry. This takes 4.5hrs to drive to the ferry port, 90mins sitting in the car prior to check in, 4hrs on the ferry (which leaves at 2.45am and then a drive of just over an hour the other side. Total cost about £380 plus petrol.

I would generally rather fly and do not travel well by boat. This time, I particularly would prefer to fly as we are talking about travelling on my birthday, DS is 2.8yo and I will be 5mo pg. I do not relish amusing DS for the time he will be awake or sitting in a car that long myself. The cost of return flights is approx. £100 per person and we live about a 20min drive from the airport at this end, with an hour's drive to his family the other end.

DH wants to take the car for ease of taking luggage and the flexibility of having a car over there without having to pay for car hire.

DH just came to bed where I was sitting up worrying about this and researching times, prices, etc. I told him and he laughed, put his earphones on and started watching something on his iPad. He didn't acknowledge my concerns other than to say they weren't an issue and that if I didn't want to go, he would go anyway. I told him I do want to go, just not by boat to which he insinuated I could choose to fly with DS and he'd go by boat. I just wish we could travel together by plane and that I didn't feel left as the bad guy for not doing what he wants. I also don't know if he did drive and we flew, whether he'd agree to come and get us from the airport or if we'd have to get the bus!

AIBU to want us all to fly together?
AIBU to think I shouldn't be feeling like the bad guy and DH should be trying to understand my perspective?

I have a friend who is in a very similar situation other than she isnt pregnant and her child is a little younger, but they always drive. I asked why and she said that even though the plane is quicker, having your own car, and being able to take all the things that you need makes it much easier than going on the plane.

He is being a prick

Let him go by sodding boat and tell him to pick you up from the airport - don't you dare get a bus

Get your balls on and tell him the cheeky sod

I'd take your DS on the plane and let him go by Ferry.

Flying to Ireland is a doddle, the plane just stops ascending and then immediately starts descending...I've spent longer on a bus to town when the traffic's heavy

Let him take DS on the ferry while you fly. Put your feet up and get picked up at the other end. Let him have a taste of amusing DS for that long

I'm the opposite. I've spent 40 years flying to Ireland. The last couple of times we went by boat and took the car and it was bloody wonderful. No luggage restrictions, no hiring cars, no worry about car seats. We book into the travelodge near Hollyhead and get on one of the first ferries out. Am in the kitchen drinking tea by elevenses.

That said, your concerns and preferences should be give equal weight to his so he's a prat if he's ignoring you.

Why on earth do you go at such an obscene time?

Is the overnight Liverpool/Belfast route an option - board, go to bed, get rocked to sleep by the sound of the sea, wake up, drive off - voila!

Thanks for your replies.

Squeakytoy - I think that is how DH sees it. We are talking about travelling Tues night/Wednesday morning and coming back early Sunday morning so it just seems a waste of time that we could be there with his family and we'll all be knackered on the Wednesday (which is my birthday!)

I am guessing that the OP lives down south like my friend and has to drive to Holyhead for the boat. That would tie in with the times that my friend sails too.

It seems the ferries only go at stupid times (when you take into account the drive to get to the port).
Liverpool/Belfast not a great option as we live in SE England and DH's family are about 60miles SW of Dublin.

You don't need to fly out together. It's a few hours, really isn't an issue. Having a car out there would be convenient too. There's no need to feel like the bad guy though. He prefers the boat and you prefer the plane. Nothing wrong with that :)

With you OP. I fly to Dublin every 6/8 weeks from Stansted, drove once but costs much more when all added up (especially as just me in car) and the time cuts into time in Ireland. Flying on 17th for £45 return, that's not even a tank of petrol!

I have a friend who is an aircraft engineer, working on maintaining planes and HE WOULD NOT FLY if he could avoid it. He had to fly recently to the UK for a refresher course and he was terrified. This is because he knows what goes on with maintainence and he is shocked. He is nearing retirement age, but they are bringing in very young, newly qualified and inexperienced people, plus not doing the work as frequently as they should.
From the horse's mouth, I think.
Go by ferry.

He should understand your perspective, but you should understand his too. Both opinions are valid and both ways of travelling have their benefits.

This time though, you are pregnant, so you should get your way. There is no way I would want to spend that long in the car or get a ferry when pregnant either. That's just asking for you to feel like crap.

Cant you compromise by saying that you will take the ferry next time? As you go there regularly, you should both get to use your preferred method of transport sometimes. Take it in turns.

Btw, it being your birthday has nothing to do with it. I would leave that out of your efforts to persuade DH, it sounds a little childish.

Whichever way you choose to go he is being an arse for not discussing things with you and listening to your point of view.

Get DS to run headfirst into his nadgers

YANBU to want to fly and he is NBU to want to drive. Horses for courses and all that. But he is BU if he expects you to do it his way every time without discussion.

Agree with IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll, can't you agree to take turns? Fly this time and go by boat next time.

You fly. He can take your son on the boat.

You fly. The cost of going by ferry is fooking ridiculous.

I've travelled by car (me driving from Kent to Dublin) several times whist pregnant. Last time I was 36w. It's easier to drive than be the passenger but in all honestly, fly over. It takes me 12 hours start to finish. When you can fly for one hour.. for a fraction of the cost. Last time I checked. it was 40euros return from knock to luton on Ryanair.

Thanks for your comments. Absolutely right that we are both entitled to our preferences and good suggestion to alternate it.

I've a funny feeling that this time round he may go by ferry and I'll fly with DS.

"I told him I do want to go, just not by boat to which he insinuated I could choose to fly with DS and he'd go by boat."

OP, why "insinuate"? That's a loaded word. He's said, do it the way you want, so why not take what he says at face value?

We did this at Christmas, except a 10 hour drive and a 2 hour ferry crossing. It was fine with DD (2yo).

We can pack loads more stuff and it's great to have the car.

I can see both sides. It is convenient to have the car but also a pain with all the hanging around with the kids. So, as others have said, I would let DH drive with ds and you have a relaxing flight since you are preggers. Everyone happy.