dh gone to sleep on the couch

[lostboysfallin]

And I'm just going to leave him to it.
He's annoyed because i didn't buy a new laptop today, i haven't confirmed our holiday booking and i didn't find him a spare key.

seriously, are these good enough reasons to storm off and sleep apart?

Laptop, i have no idea, actually started a thread today but no responses
Holiday booking, i can only email because of the time difference, and nobody has emailed me back
Re the key, i forgot, sorry. However, he knows where the spare keys are kept

And apparently i didn't respond quick enough to his text messages today.
Sorry, i was upstairs cleaning ds's room and phone was downstairs, it was half an hour, fgs

He sounds like a sulky twat.

Tell him to go boil his head.... sounds like a night on the sofa for him will do YOU the power of good!

Make like a STARFISH in your great big bed all to yourself! ;-)

Maybe he is just having a bad day? Or something else is going on at work, he feels unable to talk about yet? What else has happened? Is he generally like this? Must be hurtful and confusing. Are you usually good communicating with each other? I feel your pain :(

A friend of mine when similarly pissed off with her DH, poured a cup of lukewarm water over his crotch to make him think he'd wet himself.

I wouldn't advocate doing that though

He'll stagger upstairs at 3am when he realises the sofa isn't that comfy.

And then blame you in the morning when he's tired.

Lol at Hissy and olympiceater!
He is in a bad mood, goingforgoalweight, ever since he walked through the door.
He's just so bloody dramatic, none of those things are urgent
He just hates it when I don't do things to his timetable

We have been having a bad time, decided to go to counselling, things been a bit better, had great weekend, felt like he was really trying, and now this.
Have counselling appt tomorrow, guess we have something to talk about now!

Counselling throws up all sorts of emotions and in addition might be playing on his mind. It is a good sign to prove it's working, if that is the case. You'll find out tomorrow let him do most of the talking if possible :)

Good luck

Let him sulk while you take advantage of being able to starfish all night

Is the counselling to address the way he treats you like staff?

Even if you're mad at him and feel he doesn't deserve kindness, try to gently talk to him. Not now, he'll probably wake up grumpy or too dozy to understand you. Find some time together soon. Try hard not to raise your voice or rebut(t?) him and make sure you listen fully. It might be that he needs to do the same for you, but lead the way. If he refuses to talk about what's really bothering him (it might be that he doesn't know how to put it into words) then address the small things you mentioned and share points of view.

The counselling is to do with his stress and what its doing to our marriage.
But you could look at it that way AThinginyourlife! That sounds very cut and dry, but a lot of things he gets annoyed with because I would do it differently to him.

Boomerwang, I do, largely. I am always the peacemaker,
I rarely lose my patience with him.all I did tonight, was ask him to stop shouting at me

Those are petty things to get annoyed with your wife about. However if you regularly say you'll do something then don't do it then maybe his annoyance is just accumulating? Have you talked about this?

It is perfectly fine for you to do things differently from him, and in your own time.

He's not your boss.

And even if he were, he'd be an absolutely shit boss for browbeating and micromanaging staff.

The only response his bossy hectoring deserves is a quiet "fuck off" and the assurance that he will have to find himself a permanent place to sleep, much further away, if he doesn't stop treating you like shit.

Stress is no excuse.

Change the focus of your counselling from him finding excuses to why he is a dick to you. Make it be about your stress at being bullied by your husband.

Is he somewhat autistic? My dh is a bit like that, in that he has to feel things are ordered and the situation is under control. Otherwise he feels anxiety that comes out as anger.

We have worked out the issues over the years, I am now sensitive to his red buttons and he is a lot more considerate of my ways of doing things

Flatbread, yes, yes. That's exactly it. I have seriously thought about autism/aspergers.

Flibble, we have talked about it, we are pretty good with talking about what is wrong, its just fixing is!

Athinginyourlife, yes he is a bit of s tyrant boss in work, and I guess he gets things done. We are also a bit different in that I do have a much more laid back attitude

Hope you left him there

I too thought of leaving Dh many times but honestly, he is a wonderful guy in most ways. Loyal, doesn't drink too much, doesn't hang out with the guys, doesn't spend a lot on himself etc. He also had a wicked sense of humour and makes me laugh.

I am very laidback, so over the years, I have slowly being passing along the work to him. for example, i chose the holiday place and let him do the boring follow-up as he is so anal about it. We chat, he sends the follow up emails on my behalf and checks every hour to see if there is a response and we both are happy

One thing I have realised, which is admittedly a pain, is that I cannot say something and then change my mind. So if I say 'let's see a movie on saturday' and then come Saturday, I change my mind, he has a minor meltdown. Apparently he has the day mapped out in his mind and this just throws him off balance.

That's not autism, that's just being a controlling arse with the emotional maturity of a toddler.

My 3 year old is learning not to try to pull shit like that.

Athing he is a controlling arse at times but then he is also easygoing about a lot of things which matter to me. I love to choose where we eat when we go out, what to order as I am greedy a total foodie. I spend what I want and I can go on holidays with friends and family without feeling an iota of guilt about leaving him behind as he is very supportive.

In the bigger picture, is the childish behaviour a deal breaker for OP, or does he have enough redeeming qualities to balance it out?

Flatbread, did you have any help, counselling?

Talked about last night in counselling today. Think he felt a bit ganged up on.

lost no counselling. I think the turning point for us was somewhere at the 7 year marriage mark. I realised that part of what was making all this more difficult, was my expectation that he needed to change his behaviour. I realised that either i accepted him as is or left him. I wanted to stay together so adjusted my expectations and accepted that this is the way he is, and importantly, it is ok for him to be this way.

It was my simple mindset change that really eased the situation. When he had outbursts after that, I was fine, and he could sense I was not reacting negatively, there was no irritation or disappointment on my side. This really helped dissipate his anxiety and anger.

We are truly happy now. It is hard work living with someone who is so different from you, but just accepting them the way they are makes all the difference. My dh knows I am not judging him and he responds with so much love in his own way to make up for his behaviour.