To feel like I don't fit in here

[JustMeAndMyBaby]

I've just moved from where I've spent the last 10years (a city with a mix of people and lots of young single mums) and where I had DD. I decided to move back to where I grew up. It's very different, very middle class, lots of SAHM. I just feel like I don't fit I'm a single gay mum. I'm the only single parent of a pre school child I've met here. Every time I go to a baby group I get asked what DH/DP does one mum even presumed when I said I was on my own that DH must have died and when I say I'm on my own the conversation stops. A couple of the groups I've been to are really cliquey and despite the fact I'll speak to anyone people have actually just looked at me and walked away. I'm a very confident person but this is getting to me.

Sorry you are in this situation.

I think sometimes you have to be a bit bolshy - instead of waiting for the conversation to stop, you could jump in saying you're new, and you're missing someone to have a coffee and a chat with, and does anyone fancy one after the baby group/sometime this week? They might all say no but they might say yes!

I don't think this excuses their behaviour, btw, as they should have some thought for how you would feel, but it could be these people you've met felt they put their foot in it by asking after a husband/by assuming your husband died, and when they find out it's not that, they don't know how to apologize. It's daft but my mum, 30 years on, still remembers the woman at her ante-natal group who was v. lonely and very different from the other mums there, and I'll say 'mum, why didn't you just ask her round for a cup of tea if she was lonely', and my will say 'oh, but she was very different from us - I would have said the wrong thing - I wouldn't have been exciting enough'. It's silly but it could be that sort of thing, that they think you'll look down on them for being conventional and they won't have enough to say.

I think your in the same place that I left last year! Its really is a lovely place - honest
PM and I can let you know where I used to go, and the places I ended up not bothering with!

I hope we are all learning how hard it is to be the new one and that we should make especial efforts to be extra kind and welcoming to new people.
Here endeth the lesson!

My experience of baby groups is that they seem really cliquey for the first 3 - 5 times you go then suddenly you become part of the clique. Just give it time.