A DS was nearly run over by a van - AIBU to refuse to ever take them out again?

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Took the 3 DSs (aged 9,9 and 17 months) for a stroll to the park about 5 mins alk from home with a ball for them to have a kickabout. Put DS3 on walking reins so the 'walk' could tire him out as he hates holding hands but he decided to pretend to be a puppet on a string and I was continually having to get him to walk and it took 10 mins just to get to the top of the road.

The twin DSs were in front arguing about whose ball it was and therefore who should carry it. I bend down to lift up DS3 again and heard the screech of brakes. Stood up to see DTS1 in the middle of the road picking up the bloody ball with a van screeching to a stop in front of him. I screamed at him 'what in hell's name are you doing'. Van man put his hand up and went on his way

Apparently DTS2 had thrown the ball in the road and DTS1 thought he had time to get it.

I mean ffs we are always telling them never to run in the road, especially not to get a ball. Surely they are old enough to get it through their skulls by now? I am sick of repeating myself. I normally put the ball in the shopping tray on the pram but obviously did'nt take it this time.

I am fucking furious at them both. No least because the scenario of the van driver not being on the ball and being alert could have meant that I lost DS1 in front of my eyes or it could have had to swerve and caused an accident. A usual day could have turned into a nightmare.

Both twin DSs are horribly behaved when we are out anyway even when with DH, not listening, wandering off, running about, arguing etc. We recently lost DS2 in a busy shopping centre because I expected him to follow us and he did'nt. After 20 minutes frantic searching, I went to the police station to report him missing but he turned up just after that when I was beside myself. I could rationalise that nothing would have happened to him but I kept thinking 'what if we can't find him'.

AIBU to say that I am never taking them out on my own again. I really do not need the stress, they literally make me dizzy! They can bloody well stay indoors and be bored shitless until they're 18!!

Sorry - should have said. Yes we did go straight home. DS2 said 'I thought we were going to the park' as if his brother almost being run over was not even an issue .

It is often not possible to go straight home when they start being silly as I will have shopping to do, appointments to go to etc. I have already stopped most 'treats' such as library/cinema/theme park visits, just cannot stomach taking them when all we get is bad behaviour and disrespect in return.

Thanks for your replies. I have recently started making them do housework which has been met with a lot of resistance (DTS2 in particular you would think was in pain with the tantrums he has on being asked to dry the dishes). Think I need to up the ante there.

I don't consider myself as a totally ineffectual parent and I have always done my best to make them behave, never ignored bad behavior and praised good. You would have to see them to believe it though sometimes. DH does work a lot and I have never had family support so the responsibility has felt enormous.

DTS1 is top of the class in all subjects at school, never had behavioural problems there. DTS2 has recently been diagnosed with learning difficulties although we are not sure what . Though as his level of communication skills and understanding of everything apart from schoolwork is tremendous, we are very sceptical. We have been told it is because he was the much smaller twin so therefore undernourished in the womb. He has always been very behind at school and always behaved badly apart from the last 18 months where his behaviour has massively improved (although not at home).

It sounds like a horrible experience and like you're finding this stage really difficult. Have you considered splitting the twins up more? It sounds like they wind each other up quite a lot. I know that may not be practical, but I find with my (toddler!) twins, that often the key to getting them to engage in the adult world is to remove their built in co-conspirator. I could see how it might be the same at 9 too.

Another thought, what about going in the opposite direction - instead of treating them as though they can't be trusted (I know that's how they're behaving), try giving them more responsibility. I don't mean piling on the chores, though that might be a good idea too. I mean actually responsible for getting something they like to happen. Maybe one of them could be responsible for movie night every Friday, renting a film, getting drinks and popcorn for everyone, tidying the lounge so you can all sit comfortably, etc. set a budget and pile on the praise when they do well.

My kids are still years from all this, so these are untested suggestions. But I thought you might like an idea for a more positive approach, you must be hating all the conflict.