about this divorce case?

[tardisjumper]

My mum thinks I am and is convinced I 'have no empathy' due to my views on this.

Family friends have just got divorced under horrible circumstances. He has just been diagnosed with a severe mental health prob that has made him impossible to be with (I am putting this lightly so as to avoid outing them).

They have separated and divorced and children are currently looking after mum. He has moved to their home abroad.

However, my mother is appalled that he has got half her estate following his behaviour, esp considering that she earned more money during the relationship. She is also appaled that he will get some of her pension (public sector).

I think if you are a married adult then you go into that knowing that any money earned durring the relationship is not necessarily going to be yours to keep under current divorce laws. I also feel quite strongly that this situation should not change if you have to divorce due to mental illness. Think about how that could be abused.

My mother says I am outrageous and that the wife in this situation has suffered enough and should be allowed to keep the cash. I don;t agree aibu?

YANBU - there are clear legal guidelines for divorce and sharing of assets, and these should be applied even-handedly to be fair. In any case, whilst I'm not disputing the difficult time it sounds like they've all had, what happened to in sickness and in health? Marriage is a lifetime commitment and both partners take on board life has ups and downs. If you decide it's no longer right for you, that something has changed, that's fine and your choice but you have to follow fair principles through. It must be pretty awful for her husband too.

I wonder if your mum would feel differently if it was a physical condition having such a huge impact on their relationship, rather than mental health? Just seems to have more of a stigma.

Not sure how these things work but she must surely have a larger share due to having custody of the children?

Otherwise 50 50 seems right to me (as long as what they brought into the marriage is also taken into consideration).

If she's resident with the children then no I don't think a 50/50 split is fair regardless of the reason for divorce.

If no children then fair enough however I think it depends on length of marriage etc. I'm not sure that a two year marriage where one party contributed nothing and where mo children were involved would be split 50/50. I always thought courts liked to put people back into a similar position ad they were before they entered the marriage. I don't think it's always as simple as 50/50 but I may be wrong.

I think you'll just have to agree to disagree. It's not like your views affect the outcome and it's not worth the two of you arguing over something that you can't even change, even if one of you agrees the other is right

YANBU.

Your mother is wrong.

He was entitled to half and if that is what he good thats fair

Marriage is not about who gets most when something goes wrong its a partnership.

I agree with you here.

It says "children are looking after mum", I took that to mean they were adult children

Your mother is being very unreasonable thinking he should get less because of a mental illness. Does she not think he's suffering too?

Presumably his mental illness means he has been abusive in some way and that's why your mother is angry. Fact remains, though, it's none of her business.

Yes they have young adult children.

I guess I am more cross as my mother lectures me on the fact that there are legal advantages to being married (I cohabit at the mo) but seems completley unaware of the potential disadvantages. And I am really pro marriage. Even considering these scenarios.