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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask teen for a receipt?

16 replies

brdgrl · 15/01/2012 09:40

She's 16, needs 'smart trousers' to wear to three days of work experience.

We have given her £20 to buy a pair when she goes into town today with her friends.

She gets a fairly generous amount of pocket money, but we don't make her pay for neccessary clothing. Generally DH or I would have gone with her to buy clothes in the past, but she is 16 and there is no reason she can't get a pair of trousers on her own! However, I want to see how much she's paid and get the change back; I don't want her buying the cheapest pair at primark and effectively having extra pocket money.

Not trying to be petty - but 'cost inflation' has been an issue with both her and her brother in the past. I also think it is just a reasonable request on our part, regardless of her trustworthiness or anything else, it should just be our default position. My DH thinks it is silly.

If it makes any difference - we are struggling with money and (like lots of people) tightening our budget where we can, but have trouble getting the kids to see that.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 15/01/2012 09:42

I'd send her to Asda - £6 will get her a perfectly adequate pair for 3 days in an office.

scurryfunge · 15/01/2012 09:44

If you expect her to pay £20 maximum then I would not see the problem in letting her keep the change. If money is the issue then find out prices on line first and give her the exact amount.

Flisspaps · 15/01/2012 09:45

I agree with trois Grin

In fact tell her to get 2 pairs. One to wear, one to wash.

AllDirections · 15/01/2012 09:48

YANBU

JustHecate · 15/01/2012 09:50

I think you either trust her to get a pair or you don't, and if you don't, then perhaps you need to go into town with her. I think 'cost inflation' is pretty normal at that age Grin. Which isn't to say you accept it, of course you can't. But I think it's fairly common for them to try it on Grin

Did you tell her at the time you gave her the money that you need a receipt? What was her response?

Perhaps a different pocket money system would be something to consider? You calculate what would be a reasonable amount for a clothing allowance, bus fares, dinners, personal items, etc etc and you give them that each month. Like a salary. It is then up to them how they spend it. If they want to blow it all on rubbish, then they walk instead of getting the bus, for example.

Teaches valuable lessons about budgeting, and gives them more control. You stick to an affordable budget.

Original poster
brdgrl · 15/01/2012 09:55

OK, so would you just give her the £6 then and forget about a receipt?

See, I don't mind if she spends more and has a naice pair to wear in the future - have advised her to get something dull and 'classic' rather than trendy - and even told her that if she gets cheap ones and can get a top to go with them as well, to do that - she was complaining that she'd no tops to go with smart trousers, which isn't really true - but she doesn't get new clothes all that often, so I suppose I felt that £20 was generous but not OTT - especially if we got the change back!

But I do mind her just having the cash for the cinema, starbucks, whatever - as we already do give her a decent pocket money. I feel like her money is hers to spend as she likes. We also withhold part of their pocket money when they don't do their chores; this rarely affects her as she is pretty good about her chores, but unfortunately her brother does have his withheld frequently - so it becomes an issue of fairness, IYSWIM. I think my DH thinks it sends the message we don't trust her- I just think it sends the message 'you're a teenager. Don't try it on.'

OP posts:
mousyMouse · 15/01/2012 09:58

if you set out the rule before handing the money over yanbu. it's a good lesson in responsibility and trust.

Original poster
brdgrl · 15/01/2012 10:01

sorry, cross-posted there, justhecate.

Perhaps a different pocket money system would be something to consider? You calculate what would be a reasonable amount for a clothing allowance, bus fares, dinners, personal items, etc etc and you give them that each month. Like a salary. It is then up to them how they spend it. If they want to blow it all on rubbish, then they walk instead of getting the bus, for example.
We do this already....she gets £25 a week. £10 is just 'automatic'; £15 she gets only if she does all her weekly chores. It may seem like a lot, but she pays for all her 'optional' personal items from that; we just buy the necessities. How she chooses to budget is up to her. This is an extra, sort of, because it is a 'necessary' item.

DH gave her the money and did not ask for the receipt, but she is going this afternoon and I don't think it is too late to just casually say "oh, and bring back the receipt and change, ok?"

OP posts:
JustHecate · 15/01/2012 10:09

No. It's not too late to say that.

I'd advocate giving her her 'necessities' money in a lump monthly sum too.

How valuable will that be in teaching her how to prioritise? How to decide what she needs to have over what she wants? How valuable to allow her to make those first gigantic cock-ups that we all make now, before she is out in the world on her own?

She might need to save for 3 months to afford that big thing she really wants. she might need to choose to miss that day round town because she's got something important she needs to buy this month.

When the time comes for her to move out and make her own way in the world - what an advantage she would have, eh?

QuickLookBusy · 15/01/2012 10:14

Yabu

As Hecate said you either trust her or you don't. Asking for a receipt is telling her you don't trust her, and she is going to feel rightly a bit peed off with you.

I would just have a chat before she goes. She has a choice either a pair of good quality trousers for around about 20 quid or a cheaper pair and a top. Tell her you want her to spend the whole amount on clothes OR you want the change back. Casually drop into the conversation that you've seen on the websites that you can buy a pair in top shop for x amount and in primark for y amount. I think then she won't be inclined to exaggerate the cost.

Flisspaps · 15/01/2012 10:18

£100 a month pocket money at 16 and that's just for optional extras? Shock

I don't get that much now, can I come and live with you OP? I'm very good at chores Grin

Tortington · 15/01/2012 10:22

if my son goes to the offy for s few bits - i ask for a reciept, but if i gave my kid £20 for a pair of jeans - and they came back with a pair of jeans and maybe had a drink in a cafe with friends and bought £4 worth of shit - i woudn't be too bothered tbh

Original poster
brdgrl · 15/01/2012 10:23

Yeah, I agree with you, but in practice think it would end up costing us quite a bit more....and my DH would never agree, I'm sure - it has taken some time and effort to move him to this current position, which is honestly a big improvement over his more indulgent previous position.

The things we pay for now are pretty limited. School uniform and supplies. She gets a free bus pass for school travel, and her 'going out' bus fares when she can't use the pass, she pays from pocket money. We buy a certain amount of snack food/treats for their packed lunches, but we don't keep the house stocked with junk. We pay for some clothing and school shoes, but what she needs, not what she wants. She has to buy her own presents for family and friends, when there's an occasion, so Christmas was a budgeting challenge for her. She feels it is pretty fair, I think, and doesn't usually complain about having to pay for her own things, but she will try it on sometimes - as I woudl have done myself, really - I think it is a normal teenage thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
brdgrl · 15/01/2012 10:24

sorry, that last post was directed at justhecate.

OP posts:
Original poster
brdgrl · 15/01/2012 10:27

quicklookbusy, that sounds good. Thanks, all of you.
flisspaps - i know! It is more spending money than I have myself. But actually - we're saving over when we (mostly DH) used to just pay for her things without keeping track...

OP posts:
somedayma · 15/01/2012 13:15

I would be quite hurt at 16 if I thought my parents didn't trust me.
Also; she's 16, time to get a job and earn her own pocket money

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