to be scared about what *could* happen?

[JaneFonda]

I'm also wondering if anyone else feels the same way. This post is not a stealth boast, nor is it intended to make anyone feel bad, I'm just wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this!

Basically, I really admire a lot of the posters on MN, because so many of you have had to overcome things, like children with disabilities/ASD/behavioural problems, marital problems/affairs, financial problems, deaths of friends/family... and I've had none of that.

The most traumatic thing that has happened was when our twins were premature, which, at the time, was absolutely awful, but they've come out the other side and are progressing really well.

I feel like something bad really ought to happen to me, because I've not had to deal with any of the awful stuff that a lot of people here have.

Does that makes sense to anyone? AIBU to feel anxious about the bad things that should happen because I've had it so good?

Sounds a bit like the doom scenarios I get with OCD, although the way you say something 'ought' to happen to you sounds like you feel you deserve something bad to happen.

Is it a constant sense of impending doom, or more like you're taking stock of your life and realising you've got away lightly so far so something must be round the corner?

DH and I have had some pretty workaday tragedies and challenges over the last few years. We didn't deserve or not deserve them, they just happened. Also, though we have had huge joys. Which we may or may not deserve. Life is like that. You had preemies but they came through.

If being on t'interweb makes you anxious just put down the keyboard. I suggest volunteering. It makes you feel that you do deserve the good luck.

I know exactly what you mean. I think I'm a bit of a doom merchant because neither dh or myself have been through anything particularly traumatic.

Don't catastrophise, there's enough nonsense out there for many a woman - no need to court it.

YANBU to think your luck can't last. It's not an uncommon feeling. But like any other feeling, if it's something that gets in the way of you leading a normal life, if you struggle to enjoy and appreciate your life as it is, if you hold off making plans because you think there is doom on the horizon... that could be the time to think about talking to the medical profession.

There is no 'quid pro quo' in the universe btw. Some people have lucky lives, some have unlucky ones. It's not something we can influence, by and large, and most of us are somewhere in the middle. I'm sure if you think back over your life you'll find there have been bad times that you have dealt with besides the birth of your twins. Bereavements, job difficulties, accidents... they will have happened.

In the meantime, count your blessing and, if you think you are one of the lucky ones, perhaps do something to help those less fortunate. That's a fairly normal way to deal with irrational guilt

YANBU

I have had some loss in my life, both my parents dies young, divorced etc. ATM I'm really happy, but occasioanlly expect that something shit must be round the corner.

Don't borrow trouble. Plenty of time to worry about it when it happens. (platitudes over!)

I can spend hours worrying about what might happen and I conciously have to stop myself otherwise I can get into quite a state. I found CBT really helped me to challenge my thoughts. Once something bad does happen, I'm usually pretty good at getting through it. The thoughts are generally worse than the reality.

YAB very silly. HTH :)

YABU yes.
How badly do these feeling affect you ? And the people around you? If it's anything more than a fleeting 'feeling' , then I really think you need to start thinking about getting help to put your feelings into perspective.

I think people are being a bit harsh here OP

For a start, I wouldn't dismiss premature birth as "not much". Everyone I have met personally and professionally (used to be parental support worker) describes it as incredibly traumatic. It is fantastic that your DCs are doing well now but don't diminish the experience. Perhaps you are particularly resilient/had a strong relationship with your DP/H which helped you. Instead, you could maybe focus on the strengths that helped you at that time.

Bereavement comes to us all at some point, some of us earlier than others and others more tragically still. I lost my mum but she was over 70. It was devastating but still leaves me totally unable to comprehend the awfulness that some MNers live when they lose their children.

If your feelings are getting in the way of your life and preventing you and your family from doing things then that may need to be looked at as you may be overly anxious or possibly depressed Caveat - I am not diagnosing you as depresessed. I am not a doctor, for starters

I am also prone to worrying and also prone to getting irritated with people who dismiss others' worries. It displays a fundamental lack of empathy. You are who you are. You can't radically change your personality. What you can do is look at specific issues and see if you can work out what is preventing you from doing things and how you might change that.

You are not "silly" and have a on me

I do know what you mean, but from the other perspective. I know that my life is not anyway as bad as some other people, but I haven't had it easy. I was bullied for years at school, then was in an abusive relationship for years. I didn't achieve the academic results I really should have due to an undiagnosed learning disability. I then struggled to get into the career I had set my heart on, and it nearly didn't happen at all due to a stroke of real bad luck. I am now almost there, but dealing with the issue that my job might disappear almost entirely due to public funding cuts.

I am now in a committed relationship with a really lovely guy, and thought my luck had changed and that this would finally be an aspect of my life which would be a little more straightforward and less of a struggle, that it would finally be one less thing to worry about. It turns out that my optimism is misplaced due to DP recently being diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I am now trying to work out whether I should realistically expect everything in my life to be hard work and misfortune, and if so, how I can do so whilst remaining positive about life.

I have the same feelings - more so since my son was born. The worst thing that happened to me is my miscarriage.

But I hear from my mum a lot of very tragic situations - friend's children/partners who have died in awful accidents, of terrible illnesses or have terminal illnesses. Not to mention the things you see on the news or read about in the paper.

I feel I am constantly waiting for my bubble to burst and if you think about it too much you can send yourself mad - I think the human condition is to try and not think about it - the it'll never happen to me approach.

In my experience those that have troubles seem to keep on having them & those who have never really had them carry on in that vein. That's a generalisation though!!!!

Ok so the first thing I would say is that "life" is totally random and that you are never more than taking the wrong turn, or choosing to cross the road when the big red bus (The one we are always told we could fall under) is coming. In fact any number of mundane and improbable things could happen, saying that you think you are due for one is what a way of justifying that something happened to you. Or a way of justifying pessimism perhaps. Why not do the opposite and celebrate and enjoy this period of life that is not posing you any particular problems. Enjoy it and make the most of it, IF and when you have some difficulty you will need those who acknowledge how life is so imperfect, any one who is truly obsessed with how well there life is going will not touch you with a barge pole as they fear that you will jinx their lives.

I would also like to say having a disability is not a tragedy, it is life changing but in no way makes a life any less liveable and fulfilling. The thing that disables is the view that it is a tragedy.

My DS was born 3 months early, he's now 7 years old and doing fantastically well. The trauma of his birth and his first few weeks has never ever left me though. I went on to have another DC after my DS who went to full term, no complications whatsoever, both are wonderful and healthy now... still, like I said, the trauma of what happened with my first is still very much a part of me now.

My mum often says that I don't have bad luck - I have no luck at all.

While I can appreciate the feeling like things might get worse, it is a horrible way to live life. I have had an awful few years but I no longer dread what is around them corner. I feel that I've gone through enough that I will be able to cope. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that.

If you've had premmie babies then you have suffered. Whether or not it is to the same extent as others is irrelevant. As hard as it is life goes on (channeling Noah and the Whale now) and we have to take the good when it comes and not worry about what bad things may happen - because if or when they do you will regret that you lived your happy years in fear of something going wrong.

It's counting your blessings though, isn't it? I try and count my blessings a lot - but sometimes it fills you with a sense of impending doom. It's horrible.

I heard some statistic once that said once you're over the age of 30, you think about death at least once a day. And it's fucking true as well

Nobody can predict anything - don't spoil your charmed life by worrying about what might happen.

Easier said than done, I know.

Aren't you the poster with the mad religious MiL who glues books together and chucks you out on Christmas day while your DP is in hospital? It sounds to me like you have plenty of drama in your life, without worrying that nothing really bad has happened, so your number must be up.

I vaguely remember having similar feelings many years ago, but have had some very bad things happen to me since then, so I can't say it has really worried me recently.

But some people do go through life with nothing really bad happening, except for inevitable things like the death of parents (at an advanced age). Looking around at people I know, the bad things in life certainly don't seem to be evenly distributed - I have one friend who is in remission from cancer, her DH has premature dementia, her DS has a chronic and life-threatening disease - certainly more than her fair share. But she is unrelentingly cheerful and doesn't seem to be constantly anticipating the next horrible thing that will happen to her.

I think what I was trying to say is that rotten luck can strike at anytime. It may never strike, or (as seems to be my case) it strikes quite often.

All we can do is to work on our own inner strength so that if we do suffer misfortune, we will be more resilient and better able to deal with it.

People deal with the most extreme misfortune every day, and cope with things that the vast majority of us will never be tasked with. Most of us are stronger than we think.

It is counter productive to worry about losing good fortune. There is a danger that this will mean that any slight setback will be blown up in your mind to be a sign that your luck is about to turn for the worse, and actually make you less able to cope with adversity.

In my opinion, the only thing you can do is to get to know yourself as well as you can, to appreciate your strengths and to try to work on your weaknesses. Try to find happiness in things that aren't dependant on spending money, be a good friend to other people and be kind to yourself.