To be sad my mum doesn't want to look after both?

[pinkyp]

The title makes me sound so ungrateful, honest I'm not. Brief background: my mum is a bit obsessed with my 1st ds, spoils him rotten, gives in to his every demand. My 2nd ds she didn't even look at until the 2nd time she saw him (we went to show him to her and she didn't even acknowledge him at all-must of felt guilty as 1 week later she came to see us and held him).

When I went back to work she said she didn't want ds2 all the time just 1day (fair enough, grateful for any help - I do 14 hrs a week, she has him for 5 hours). The other 2days I pay a childminder for. I mentioned to her that I'll have to send ds1 to afterschool clubs in hols etc, she said "no no I'll have him not a prob etc" (not needed yet).

Now the childminder has told me her hols, I wrote down all the days I needed cover for either ds1 or both up to sept (10 weeks altogether) My mum had a look and offered to have them for me a few of the weeks. Very greatful. Today she told me which weeks, so I wrote them down. When I've looked she's picked all the weeks when I just need cover for ds1, ds2 will be at childminders. So I will have to drop one child at grandma's and one cm :( aibu to be a bit sad, I think she's done it on purpose. If it was 2/3 weeks if ds1 and 1/2 weeks of both I wouldn't of thought a thing.

I know exactly what u mean pinky x dd2 wasn't even born when my mil stated she wasn't gonna look after both of them which I understood at the time because a baby is harder work than a pre school age child but I wasn't even going to ask her as had already planned the work / childcare thing and didn't need her ( prior to ml she was looking after dd1 after pre school three days a week fir about 4-5 hours) . Now my dh is being told I'm stopping her from seeing dd1 just because if I need a baby sitter I ask my parents as they will watch both x

You obviously do have bigger issues here than your mum only wanting one child at a time. I would actually withdraw her CMing services for those weeks, and say very clearly that you think it's fairer on the DCs if they are both in the same kind of care, and you wouldn't want them growing up thinking one is more important than the other because their GM has that DC more. You don't have to be absolutely explicit in accusing her of favouritism, just that you wouldn't want the DCs to grow up with that impression. It might be enough to shock her into realising what she's doing.

My DM and ILs sometimes find it a bit overwhelming to have both DCs at the same time if it's for a long time, but they won't favour one over the other, they will have them on rotation.

She is getting older, she has a bond with the eldest, plus the eldest can do more interesting things, doesn't need constantly watching and will be better company. I wouldn't try and make her have both of them, you could ask her to share her time with them equally but that may mean she chooses to spend less days in total looking after them as she considers days with your youngest as harder work and more exhausting.

Yabu, my mum has dd1 who is 4, and even takes her on holiday and stuff buy doesn't take dd2 or ds, for the simple reason she can't understand their needs, therefore doesn't feel comfortable.

She would be worried while cooking etc with ds around, her house is not baby or toddler proofed, no stair gates, cleaning stuff under sinks with no cupboard locks etc.

Maybe she doesn't like the diapers changing? When I did child care, I realized after a few years I was sick of changing dirty diapers, and changed to caring for only toilet trained children. Just a thought.

My mum favours my 3 in birth order... 5 yr old DD goes round after school maybe 1 afternoon every 3 weeks (i have to drop off and collect). She use to have DD while i work pt 15hr. Was going to do the same for the 'next baby' but when found it it was twins said no. Will not have the twins/babysit unless emergency - when dt2 had his op she had dt1 while dh was at work.

MIL clearley favours DD and has a massive preference for DT1 over DT2 but as they dont see them that often i am hopng it wont be a problem?

Could you suggest that on the weeks she's picked you will alternate whether she has ds1 and ds2. Would the childminder happily take ds1 instead of ds2?
You could do 3 days of ds1 and 2 of ds2 as the younger would be hardr work and she seees him during term time.