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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to punish DS for weeing everywhere?

48 replies

JanuaryJoan · 14/01/2012 20:48

Have NC, really not sure if I was a bit harsh so welcome opinions.

Bit of context/background: I gave DS (5) a choice of what he wanted to do today - he chose to go to a local museum he really likes but I think is deathly dull.

We walked round relatively quickly because what he really wanted to do was go to the shop that's attached to the museum. He spent ages looking at stuff and I said he could have something that wasn't too expensive. He kept changing his mind about what he wanted, then finally chose something.

At this point, I was desperate for a wee so I made him come to the loo with me and suggested that he have a wee too. He clearly needed one even though he said he didn't. On the way to the loo, he passed some different toys and said that he'd changed his mind again and actually he probably wanted something different, so I was getting fairly fed up with him at this point.

Two loos - I went to one, he went into the other. When he came out of the loo, I noticed he hadn't put the seat up and and had got wee on the front of the seat so I told him off about that (he knows he has to put the seat up and he wasn't desperate, so it wasn't because he hadn't had time).

I scolded him for not putting the seat up and then I went to wipe the wee off the seat, I realised that he had weed everywhere - all over the floor, over the top of the sanitary bin, up the back of the lid, etc. Basically he had not been paying any attention to what he was doing and just pissed everywhere. Now I know he's only five, but he knows how to hold his willy, he knows how to aim. The loo had run out of paper so I couldn't clean it all up so had to leave this horrible wee-covered loo for the next person. :(

WABU to have told him he couldn't have a toy any more because he had been so careless? He was really upset but it wasn't an accident, he really just couldn't be bothered to aim properly.

OP posts:

Original poster

JanuaryJoan · 14/01/2012 21:35

Good plan Calma. We can go to the pool with slides and waves - we don't go often so it will be a real treat :)

OP posts:

CalmaLlamaDown · 14/01/2012 21:36

Nobody will notice if he wees in the pool!

Dee03 · 14/01/2012 21:36

I have 3 ds 9,12 and 14
Every single time I go into our bathroom there is bloody wee on the toilet seat and sometimes the floor......,. It drives me bloody nuts......not 1 of them owns up to it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 14/01/2012 21:38

YABU
Yes he was naughty/careless. But you should have made him clean it with you then had a serious chat about what he did wrong. Then put it behind you and bought him the toy. Refusing to buy him what you promised is extremely draconian for a 5 year old having a wee accident.

cornastasiaski · 14/01/2012 21:40

I also think you were a bit harsh.

DoMeDon · 14/01/2012 21:43

'Refusing to buy him what you promised is extremely draconian' - arf at this!!! She said he could have something, he faffed about, p'd everywhere and didn't get his toy. 'Draconian'

stuffthenonsense · 14/01/2012 22:08

Given that you say he knows what he should be doing, but just couldnt be bothered, i dont think you were being harsh at all.
I know 5 is quite young, but i guess he has about 2 years of toilet experience, and has had to be independant at toileting in school for at least a term, a little dribble on the seat or floor is one thing, but for it to be over the seat/ disposal unit/ back he must surely have been not at all concerned (or very wriggly).
I wouldnt do anything else about it at all now though, so long as you are both friends again, he knows he did wrong, but he knows you love him.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 14/01/2012 22:42

I've got two of those. Well I think it's two, husband says his aim is good. Younger one (5) is adamant he does not need to hold and point, he just thrusts his hips in the general direction. Older one (6) can never stop talking and is prone to turn round to engage people in conversation mid flow.

They wee in the swimming pool, too. I know because they tell me afterwards, I'm really sorry for all the other swimmers.

I'd have been more annoyed by the faffing. I have been known to say "choose now or it's too late". Have also been known to lose it over irritating behaviour in shops and march them out without buying anything.

marriedinwhite · 14/01/2012 22:50

Have you thought he might not have cared because you had seemed bored because you don't like the museum and have made it clear and also because when it got to the bit he really liked, the shop, it was YOU that dragged him away and to the toilet.

YABU - you rained on his parade today and he paid you back - quite fairly I think.

MCos · 14/01/2012 23:48

Consequences - make him clean up the mess in future. Will direction from yourself and a good hand washing, it should make him more aware in future. Especially if consistent response to this problem.

I wouldn't backtrack, even if you are feeling guilty now.

Original poster

JanuaryJoan · 15/01/2012 00:01

No, I haven't marriedinwhite, and if you think he was deliberately weeing all over the loo because he was trying to pay me back for dragging him off from the shop, you need help :o

OP posts:

runningwilde · 15/01/2012 00:07

No of course you should NOT go back and buy the toy. He needed to learn his actions have consequences so no toy this time. Yanbu

littleducks · 15/01/2012 00:07

I am amazed at some of the responses to this, there is no way I would have piss on the floor/toilet seat in my house.....dh would probably be more furious about it than me! Ds is 3 but sits, both him and dd know to tell me immediately if they have a problem.

The attitude would really annoy me, if it was an accident and he had told you that he needed help and there was a problem,or even if he was mortified and hadnt wanted to tell, I would feel sorry for him. But the not caring at all would wind me up.

runningwilde · 15/01/2012 00:10

What a ridiculous post from marriedinwhite... No wonder there is a generation of super brats about...

Pompoko · 15/01/2012 07:37

You did the right thing! It wanst a drip on the seat!
5 is NOT to young to be punished for pissing without care.
But what I never understand is why do people teach little boys to stand and wee?! Its easier and cleaner for them to sit to wee. Saves so much hassle and mess.

Catsu · 15/01/2012 07:55

Yanbu! He was being careless and didn't seem bothered when you picked him up on it. How will he remember to be more careful next time or be bothered to be careful next time if there are no consequences.
I have a 6 yr old and I say you acted fairly! Absolutely do no go back and get the toy today! Fine to go swimming today and have a nice day but I wouldn't tell him it's to make up for not getting his toy yesterday. I'd leave that as it is now

exoticfruits · 15/01/2012 08:00

A most peculiar post frommarriedinwhite-the message being if you upset your 'little prince' he can pay you back! How dreadful that he had to break off because his mother wanted to go to the loo

I would have gone around to the desk, told them that there was a wet toilet otherwise it will be horrible for other people.

woollyideas · 15/01/2012 08:04

PMSL (but not all over the floor) at marriedinwhite and obsidian's responses. As someone else said above, no wonder there are so many super-brats around.

OP - YANBU and you sound like a really thoughtful person.

QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 15/01/2012 08:12

I have DS (3) at the moment he is only allowed to pee sitting down, as soon as he is tall enough to pee standing up he will be made to clean up any mess outside the bowl (in fact I am toying with the idea of making him wipe the rim everytime he goes). Please teach your sons to clean up their pee.

YANBU but make him sit down on loo until he is old enough to deal with consequences of pee everywhere.

marriedinwhite · 15/01/2012 08:38

Apologies if I'm wrong. My interpretatoin from the OP's post was that she asked her ds what he wanted to do but made it clear that it was boring and something that she didn't enjoy. The tone of the post made me feel that at the museum she probably didn't show any interest in any of the exhibits and try to make sure her ds had a good outing. I also found it odd that if she was desperate and knew ds needed a wee took, why she didn't take him before going to the shop.

Of course I don't think it's satisfactory to purposefully wee everywhere, anywhere but having read the op and thought about what happened in the round I felt that the op having agreed to do what her son chose could have put a bit more enthusiasm into it to make sure he had a happy day. It just read to me as though she was happy to go with a dash round to get it over with and then to the shop and home.

I certainly don't think she shoudl go back and buy the toy and I hope she made ds help clear up the mess. I would also hope that next time she is a bit more enthusiastic about a trip that's supposed to be a treat for her ds.

I don't think children should be treated like little princes but I do think if a choice is made as parents we have to enter into the spirit of the outing and keep our negative vibes to ourselves if we can.

Zalen · 15/01/2012 08:42

YANBU, a little pee on the seat may be forgivable as bad aim, pee everywhere as you describe is more than just poor aim imho.

belgo · 15/01/2012 08:45

YANBU. He is old enough to understand that his carelessness has had unpleasant consequences for someone.

And not buying him a toy as a treat is hardly a punishment.

Original poster

JanuaryJoan · 15/01/2012 09:28

Ahh I see miw, that does make a bit more sense :) I did make an effort to get into the spirit of the outing, he was the one who was racing around the exhibits, not really wanting to look at anything, because he wanted to go to the shop. And unfortunately you have go through the shop to get to the loos and back through the shop again on the way out. Much like most of these places, there is no way to avoid the blasted shop :o

I just mentioned that I didn't really want to be there as a general indication of my mood because I wondered if I was overreacting because I didn't want to be there at all. I don't think DS was unduly traumatised by it, honestly.

Anyway, the first thing he said to me today was 'can we go back to XX one day, and I promise I will do my wee carefully'.

And to those who asked why I taught him to wee standing up, I didn't, he learnt it from the other boys at school. I would much prefer it if he sat down but he refuses.

OP posts:

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