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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be friends with this woman?

27 replies

ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 17:07

A friend told me she overheard someone admitting to putting made-up details on a direct debit form for her children's sports club because there was no money in her account. Apparently she seemed to think it was amusing. I was pretty horrified that someone would think this was ok.

Now this woman keeps sending me FB requests and suggesting we meet for coffee. I'm so far avoiding her where possible. Am I being judgemental to not want anything to do with her on the basis that she has dubious morals?

OP posts:
lisad123 · 14/01/2012 17:08

No morals are important. I wouldn't want her as a friend either

scarletforya · 14/01/2012 17:12

I'd avoid her as well if it's true. She could end up to be one of those people who leech off you, you know, favours, fivers etc etc! Hmm

Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 17:31

Ok, that's reassuring, thanks. I wasn't sure if it was wrong to decide to steer clear on the basis of this single issue.

OP posts:
wilkos · 14/01/2012 17:40

I think you're being a bit unfair actually, bearing in mind what you heard could be malicious gossip and she is in fact innocent

HarrietSchulenberg · 14/01/2012 17:43

Yes, could be gossip or could be that she was joking when she said it. I wouldn't judge her on the basis of a second-hand overheard snatch of conversation.

TidyDancer · 14/01/2012 17:44

I agree with wilkos actually. I would absolutely think YANBU if you were certain about this, but it's hearsay right now, and you could be rejecting this woman for no reason.

duckdodgers · 14/01/2012 17:49

Well there could be more to it - because if its true the DD wont go through and she will be pulled up on this, ultimately her children would have to leave the club. Maybe she didn't have the money for a few days and its to give her some grace? Maybe it came across as she was amused because she was embarrassed she had no money? The point is you dont know for sure so to judge her so quickly seems a bit presumptuous to me.

NewYearFestiveCheer · 14/01/2012 17:52

You could always add her on fb as z friend and look at her wall to see if you can make a more informed decision about whether you think you'll like her or not.

If you hadn't heard this about her from a friend would you have got to know her?

ExpatAgain · 14/01/2012 17:53

assuming it's true, then no, you're NBU

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 14/01/2012 17:54

What's your GUT reaction to her, go with that!!!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 14/01/2012 18:07

It's not unreasonable to not want to be friends with a person for any reason. It doesn't matter what your reason is, or even if you don't have a reason you "just don't like her" - that's fine. It has never been obligatory to be friends with people.

FeelingsorryforSnape · 14/01/2012 18:20

Go with your gut reaction like Averyyounggrandma said.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/01/2012 18:23

I think YABU to just decide you don't want to be friends with someone/don't like someone because of a piece of gossip that might very well not be true.

I've recently been the subject of some unkind, untrue gossip and it's horrible.

Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 19:38

I'm confident it's true - I trust the friend who told me and when she told me there was a third party there who had also overheard it.

I'm often tight for cash myself but if I couldn't afford an activity for the kids then they wouldn't go.

My gut feeling is that she wouldn't be trustworthy.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 19:41

I'm sorry to hear that Hex, it must have been misrable:(

OP posts:
JustHecate · 14/01/2012 19:42

So how's that going to work then?

When the DD gets rejected, they call her up and she says whoops, I must have given you the wrong account details, gives them the real details, by this time there's money in the account and she's bought some time and the children didn't miss their activity?

Or she just never takes the children back to the activity? - so what would have been the point?

Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 19:51

The point is that the details could belong to someone else - ok the names wouldn't match but it's just wrong.

It's dishonest, and even worse she felt it was acceptable enough to share with others. Why even mention it?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/01/2012 19:55

How could the name, sort code and account number that she made up belong to a real person?

I'm not justifying what she did, but the reason you give is just wrong.

Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 20:03

I know it's virtually impossible in practise that they'd match someone else but theoretically they might.

I guess maybe I'm overreacting and it's acceptable to do this? I just find it very dishonest and the fact that she was open about it makes it seem that she doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with it?

OP posts:
SecretMinceRinser · 14/01/2012 20:06

What JustHecate said.

ExpatAgain · 14/01/2012 20:07

no, it's wrong

Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 20:16

So to clarify, Hecate and SecretMince (fab name), it's ok to buy time like that, even if the club goes short for a week?

OP posts:
SecretMinceRinser · 14/01/2012 20:21

Not at all just wanted to know what her plan was.

Why didn't she just say she didn't have her details with her and would bring them next week? It doesn't ring true to me.

Original poster
ohbugrit · 14/01/2012 20:24

I can't answer that, but I have confidence in the person who told me this. She isn't a gossip IME and I think only told me because she herself was pretty aghast.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 14/01/2012 20:33

I didn't say it was ok. I was trying to understand WHY she did what she did. What was the point of her doing what she did.

Where did I say it was ok?

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