To not let my 11 year old dd sleep over round a friend whose parents I don't know

[Hopstheduck]

Dd thinks I am! Its a fairly new friendship and I've barely even met the mum yet - only to wave a thank you for dropping dd home from her house. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of dd sleeping over there. Am I being overprotective?

Dd has been allowed on a sleepover before, but only where I am at least well acquainted with the parents.

She is 11. Can you not
Just ask for a number for a chat?

Year 7 is
Important for cementing friendships and I would let
Her

What do you think may happen?

Hmm don't know as my oldest is only 8 but is getting to the age where I know her friends parents less well than I did a year or so ago.
I think at 11 YABalittleU tbh. She is old enough now to call you if there are any problems. In your shoes I would probably agree to the sleepover but drop her off at the friends house so you can have a quick chat with the mum just to get a feeling about her then go. If your dd has a mobile phone she can call you if she needs you.
She will probably have a fab time. I think this scenario becomes more common the older they get as parents meet at the school gate less.
Dd changed classes this year and I'm not as familiar with some of the parents as I was because I'm in another aground at school for the infants collecting her little brother.

Phone the mum, have a chat , maybe suggest a coffee.

Don't think you can expect to meet parents in secondary school can you? You could invite the friend round for tea first to see what's she like?

You can't expect to meet every parent of secondary school friends, but if you're DD is staying overnight, I would think it was entirely reasonable to want to meet them first.

I might be a bit 'square' on this, but at the end of the day she's your daughter, if instinctively you'd feel happier knowing the family better, that's your decision. Not ours on MN. And not your DDs.

As someone had said yr 7 is a really important year for bonding with new friends. I would say let her go of u drop her off u can have a quick nosey and introduce yourself but I'm pretty sure at 11 I stayed round friends houses and the parents didn't know each other. As secondary schools are wider spread u won't know all the mums. If she has a mobile she can txt if she wants to come home.

Speak to the mother. 11 is the age where kids often get trusted to be left to their own devices... I have fond memories of those time... and we didnt even need to have sleepovers to get upto mischief!

I don't remember my mum "knowing" all of my friend's mums all that well to be honest!

If she's Year 7 it's the year in which I had to start taking some leaps of faith and slacken the apron strings just a little bit. What are your concerns? Could your DD take a phone so she could contact you if she was unhappy?

I think I just feel a bit uneasy overall. I have no idea of what the family are like, where the boundaries are likely to be. Dd has had some questionable friends before which has left her in nasty situations. She absconded after school once, got beaten up, etc. I don't even know where they live yet.

I think it's probably right that I'm not going to meet the parents really in secondary but I think I will tell dd to invite the girl over here first so I can at least meet her first, and that way at least I get a proper chance to say hello to the mum too.

I would say you will allow her to go the house, but not to the sleepover, and agree to collect her at a certain time.

From your last post it sounds like she could be easily led, and you only need an absent parent, an older sibling with their friends around too, and it could get quite messy.

On behalf of working Mums - it is really hard to get to know people when you don't have that dropping off/picking up time to see other mums/dads regularly but we still want our kids to make friends, have sleepovers etc! I have in the past given a little card out parents of a child my DC's want to have over, with my contact details etc and a few friendly words encouraging them to give me a ring, that has worked well. Could you give her a ring, have a chat? I do know what you mean, I guess - I remember some mother letting my DD and a couple of her friends watch a 15 cert horror movie at a sleepover, DD had nightmares for weeks (she was about 9 or 10 at the time) but then I thought she was a lovely responsible, normal woman, so I guess you can't guarantee all will be well even if you go and inspect her!

In secondary school, though...does she feel you don't trust her judgement?

sigh - I mean given a card to my DC to give to the other child's parents.

Yes I was worried too but you have to let her go, you know that. When you drop her off go and say hello and introduce yourself (briefly so the girls don't DIE of shame... LOL).