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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask the church to help?

35 replies

OlympicGoldPennies · 13/01/2012 14:40

Not so much an AIBU but an AIM realistic.

My mum is a very regular church goer. She goes to the very poorly attended old fashioned service along with about 6 others. They are all of a certain age (well into retirement).

This week my mum has been unwell and we are at a turning point in terms of her ability to live independently and safely.

AIBU / realistic to speak to the vicar to see if he or one of the lay ministers can pop in to see her once or twice a week just to see how she is / have a cup of tea? This is in addition to some more structured and official help but I think my mum would appreciate a familiar face just checking on her.

OP posts:
IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 13/01/2012 14:41

Definatly NBU. Stuff like that is part of a vicars job, and if he cares about his congregation he would want to know about your Mum and be there to support her. That's what he is there for.

CharminglyOdd · 13/01/2012 14:42

YANBU or unrealistic. I used to be very involved in our church and the vicar always scheduled appointments during the week to visit parishioners.

Sirzy · 13/01/2012 14:43

I would hope just you telling the vicar what was going on would be enough for them to automatically arrange for people to visit her and stay in contact. It certainly would be at our church.

Sirzy · 13/01/2012 14:44

If she wants it they should also be able to arrange home communion for her

Original poster
OlympicGoldPennies · 13/01/2012 14:45

This is good to know. I'm not really involved with church and I live over 100 miles from her. She doesn't have many friends so I am really looking for all the support I can get really. Glad to know that I'm not asking too much.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 13/01/2012 14:46

I think it would be a lovely thing to do, and any vicar worth their salt will be happy to do this.

Kayano · 13/01/2012 14:48

Yanbu

My gran got the deacon to visit my great gran twice a week back in the day.
They (gran and deacon) actually became best friends and are still best friend in their 80s Grin

LizzieMo · 13/01/2012 14:51

Yep, they should definitely do this for your Mum. Don't worry about asking, I think they will be happy to help your Mum keep up with her faith.

Allthesanityinme · 13/01/2012 14:55

Definately not unreasonable. This is one of the fundamental purposes of the Church to support and care for their members and in fact anyone in the community.

RueDeWakening · 13/01/2012 14:58

YANBU. And it might be worth asking for a mention of your mum in the service notes (assuming they do them). Ours contain prayer pointers every week for people who want prayers, also under "other news" sometimes it mentions someone who is housebound and would appreciate visits.

Good luck.

ElizabethDarcy · 13/01/2012 15:06

Aside from visits... people could make meals for her too... would she like this? This happens a lot in my church for the elderly/unwell/new baby in the house.

Pootles2010 · 13/01/2012 15:15

Its totally normal for Churches to do this, as others have said. If she's up to going to Church they may well be able to help get her there/back as well.

somedayma · 13/01/2012 15:39

Absolutely not unreasonable. It's part of the minister's job and I can't imagine he'd be anything other than happy to visit your mum

RuleBritannia · 13/01/2012 15:42

Of course, it's not unreasonable but don't you think he might be already visiting?

LydiaWickham · 13/01/2012 15:42

YANBU - churches do that sort of thing, but they do need to know!

lesley33 · 13/01/2012 15:55

Not unreasonable at all. But when my gran got ill, after going to the same church for over 30 years, nobody visited her once - even though the church did know the situation.

chinam · 13/01/2012 16:00

YANBU, that is what a church congregation and vicar are supposed to do, imho

OneLieIn · 13/01/2012 16:00

Why are you worried. It's simple human kindness.

WibblyBibble · 13/01/2012 16:50

Of course YANBU! They definitely do this (at least at my local church) and have various people who are involved as well as the vicar. I doubt they'd even blink at you asking, it's an entirely reasonable and normal thing to ask of a church. They might have a social group too that they could sort transport to? Ours do a meal once a month for older people iirc.

oikopolis · 13/01/2012 17:00

Part of the church's mandate is to care for the widowed. You'll be hard pressed to find an established denomination that doesn't, at the very least, visit the elderly and infirm.

YANBU in the slightest and you'll probably find the vicar would be glad to be asked.

Toomuchpudding · 13/01/2012 18:27

My Aunt has communion at home and when I was seriously ill the Vicar used to pop in and see me once a week for tea. As all my friends work she was my only visitor in the week.

Sorry to hear your Mum is unwell.

ComposHat · 13/01/2012 18:34

YANBU - but it might take some delicate handling they should do pastoral visits, but the frequency of them is up for negotiation.

If you were to approach the Minister and explain the situation and 'As I am sure you realise, my mum's faith is very important to her and she'd hate to lose touch with the church community at this difficult time' this gives the minister the chance to offer up ideas for how your mum could be supported. It may be that he/she offers more than just an occasional cuppa and chat. (fingers crossed)

trixymalixy · 13/01/2012 18:36

YANBU, my mum is a minister and visits parishioners if she knows they are unwell whether at home or in hospital.

NatashaBee · 13/01/2012 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 13/01/2012 18:42

I agree with the pp who said about the vicar mentioning it in the service aswell but at the same time if that is done perhaps have one person who provides updates for people and arranges visitors.

Whenever Ds is in hospital the vicar mentions it in the prayers of intercession and as such we are inundated with phone calls which is lovely but if your mum is ill could easily get to the to much stage iyswim?