not to take DD to family who cant be bothered with her

[angelintraining]

was just having a conversation bout why i should bother taking my DD to her grandparents and other members who dont otherwise show interest?

thing is, when i visit MIL with DP she will sit back facing us on computer playing games on facebook, FIL and DP will watch bikes going round in circles on the tv whilst me & DD sit like spare parts for what seems eternity... then when were abouts to leave they fuss DD good bye! err bit late now you think?

point is ive told DP they are rude and ignorant and i wont be taking her again, he's reply was that 'you cant tell people what to do in their own home' - agree but its comon politeness that you either entertain your guest or you tell them your not in mood for company. come back another day.
they dont visit us and when around the SIL theres still no interaction with DD, she is left to potter around and its me who often keeps an eye on her. this also applys to my own parents who i also avoid taking DD and my 2 DS's as they treat kids the same.

due to lack of knowing who they are DD wont stay with either of them so me & DP cant go out for time alone. DP says just to take DD there and go, but i know she will be freaked and i wouldnt relax.

I see it as if you cant be asked to be a part of their lives - you dont deserve to see them. am i seeing this wrong?

I think its up to your DP to help- but it sounds like he is as bad as his parents in just sitting there not interacting with her?
Also maybe they would do more if you weren't there as you are doing the running around

My Mum doesn't play with or "fuss" my DDs either...it annoys my sister but I just acccept it is who she is...she never played with me ether but I know she loves me! All she does here s gve the DC some sweets and then talk to me.

She's not a hands on granny...MIL is....it doesnt bothe rmy DC so it doesn't bother me.

LYINGWITCH only reson why i dont like going is because i find it a bore sitting in quiet room watching motor cars on tv for hrs. so i wouldnt choose to go thb.

and no they wouldnt miss DD as they had previously fallen out with DP when his DS was born and didnt see his DS until he was 3yrs old. (this was before i knew DP) so not my buisness to go into that.

Perhaps it depends on how often you visit & at what time of day?

When mine were young GPs came mostly once a week in the day time.

The whole point of which was to visit GC tbh.

No TV, no distractions, it was on the floor playing with GC time.

we have vivsted all times of day, noon and evening. no change.

well thats what i thought it should be like, but reading this thread i can see i must be living in the wrong times - im only 29 mind lol

visited

when i was younger i used to visit grandma with my mum it was an hours drive. i used to sit there and let them chat away. my mum had a sister who had kids and they used to sleep other and visit all the time when i asked to sleep once my grandma woulden,t let me.this upset my mum. she never really got involved with me. now i have a dd i bring her up to my mums house and she loves her granddaughter she takes her outside watches her on her bike, they go on holiday, together and talk, on the phone i guess every grandparents different sometimes they have children and they like there grandkids around but they dont want to do anything with them as they have done this before when they had kids.i guess my grandparents never had that connection with me i dont no if it was to do with living an hour away but that was no excuse she was just like a stranger to me i always felt i missed out on grandparents couple of years ago my grandma died i went to funeral with mum i thought id go because even though we wernt close she was my grandma another generation an end of an era really.

myhips i see it often, grandparents on the bus with GC, over the park or i know of friends grandparents who thrive having their GC over. its good that your mum gets invovled with your DD and deep down iinside i wish my DD's GP's would be like that, but its how it is i suppose

OP-are there (m)any other GC?

When mine were young, my parents only had one other, 7yrs older & abroad & for the ILs they are the only two (husband an only child).

So they were rather doted on.

For my GPs-I was one of only two for my Mum´s Mum, so quite spoilt there.

For my Dad´s parents I was one of about 20-so not so doted on, but I still have special memories tbh.

angelintraining my mum always had that nice relationship with me has well, so i always had her love like a grandparent. maybe you can do something really nice with your dd and make it really special. have a meal go out do somthing creative and forget what the grandparents are not doing with your child and make some memorys with your dd instead. grandparents arnt always the pefect things we imagine. some people dont get to see grandparents at all.

angelintraining... That's a shame. Is there anything that you can think of that you could interest them in? Are they mobile? My reasoning for thinking that was that if you feel a bit awkward with them on their home turf, you might be a little bit more at ease with them away from home - and they would be more relaxed with you?

Maybe they just don't know what to do with very young children. I personally prefer older children as it's nice talk with them and find out what they're interested in. Your daughter is very young and maybe they just don't have the knack of interracting with her yet.

angelintraining, I do have a slightly related situation with my MIL who despite not working and being in possession of her own car and driving licence WILL NOT find it within herself to drive for an hour to come and see my DD, despite being invited on many occasions. I can count on one hand the number of times that she has set foot through the door in the last 15 months, and all those occasions were when someone has chauffeured her over. It just comes across that she can't be bothered :(

I decided quite early on that I had two options. 1) I could sit here in my ivory tower and let the relationship between my DD and her GM wither and die until they would be virtual strangers, or 2) I could suck it up and take it upon myself to make the hour drive to take my DD to see the MIL at least once every 2-3 weeks or as much as I can.

I decided to go with the latter, but I do it for my DD not MIL.

I do still stew over it from time to time, not least because money is very tight for us and petrol prices are so high, it would be nice for her to share the burden, but I realised long ago that she's just not going to.

To be fair, when we do go over she focuses everything on DD from the minute we arrive until the minute we leave and would do anything for her. I know she adores DD. It's just one of those things and I have resolved it my own way. But as I said, I do it for DD not MIL.