Upset by remark?

[wifey6]

This may be nothing but my single friend with no DC said to me while we were chatting 'wow I could never be a wife & mum'...I reassured her she could..what a lovely person she is etc
Her reply...'no I couldn't..well, let's face it..your life is over now isn't it?'
My reply...'it's not over..it's just different'.
Cue baby crying & we said our goodbyes.
It was the look of pity on her face when she said these remarks. AIBU to be a bi upset by this?

onelittlefish... Do you really think that people who don't have or want children are shallow?

That is a really blinkered and offensive comment if so, I think.

She's bloody rude! I can't believe how rude that is! And hurtful! It's just bitchy.

I've had conversations with my friends about how they are choosing not to have children, but they are not so offensive about my choice to have a family!

LyingWitch....I definitely will from now on. just meant that nothing I did before meant as much as being a mummy & isn't nearly as important in comparison.
My friend sent me a text a few minutes ago to say she hopes I didn't take her 'flippant' comment as offense. I said I was a bit taken back by it as we both know that's not how I feel about being a mummy & I also said I hoped I didn't come across as patronising...to which she replied 'absolutely not'. We have agreed that our lives may be different but they suit us. We have 'cleared the air' & by the sounds of it..we both feel better for it.

I could imagine myself saying this to someone in my mid twenties. I would have genuinely pitied someone at that time that was stuck in the house with kids whilst I was out partying, holidaying etc. That was then, now I know what a joy having a baby is and as other posters say life is different, not better or worse
I do think the 'lovely person' remark was a bit patronising. She really probably has no conception of what it would be like to be a wife and mum right now and certainly no desire to find out. I wasnt ready to settle down in that way till I was well into my 30s

Of course you didn't mean it, OP. She didn't either obviously. It sounds as if you have a good friendship there.

I think if people would just stop judging each other and feeling aggrieved if someone doesn't want their lifestyle, life would be so much simpler.

Enjoy what you have and what you do and keep your attention there rather than on other people as best you can. That's my philosophy. :)

It's a great philosophy LyingWitch

Oh don't be upset. Yanbu to have been upset but clearly thoughtless comment by her, good response by you and not true anyway! I remember being told that my childless BIL had said he would "hate to end up like" us and I was very upset then I realised that I didn't care and in any case their lifestyle wouldn't work for me. All that matters is that you are happy with your life.

Oh believe me, wifey, I don't always stick to it... but if I don't, I find myself getting envious (which I hate) or judgemental (which I hate even more).

It's also pretty pointless to make comparisons because it's never straightforward... so many parameters and reasons why people do and don't do things. Kudos to you for having it out with your friend, I think many people wouldn't and would let the friendship go.

YABU I used to say the exact same thing to make myself feel better about the fact that I had no children and it was looking unlikely I ever would have

Making yourself feel better by making snarky comments to others? And the OP is being unreasonable to be upset at that sort of thing? Niiiice.

Personally, I don't think the friend meant anything by it, but I certainly can understand being upset by it.

I was about to say the same AndiMac...
Nothing justifies upsetting someone/a friend to make yourself feel better. It's just bitchy.

She is right tho. One sort of life IS over. But you have a new one.

Hully - she really isn't right. One sort of life doesn't need to be over (unless you choose for it to be). And I'm sure she didn't mean it that way anyway

meh, I am a bitch, thats right

But a bitch that never thought she would be able to have children but desperately wanted them, but luckily she is a true friend who kind of knew thats why I said it so didnt get upset by it.

Jealousy makes you say and do horrible things at times. Good friends understand this IMO.

maswera - mine deffo did.

Welllll.... you can still drink & smoke with kids... Get a lie in if you've got someone to share the load with.... Go out if it doesn't have to be on a whim... Travel outside of school holidays - OK mebbe not so much that one

I always think you get crushed into parenthood gradually. Mine are teenagers now and I remember when my dear friend had a child (much later than me), she held out the longest of anyone I've yet seen. She still partied and travelled etc until the child was around three before she finally gave up and went to bed before midnight!

Bravo, her.

I have a relative who is same age as me and would hate my life, she says so occasionally, I have two kids, single mum mortgage, etc, she rents, no kids, travels the world, eats out, lazes in bed on a Sunday chillin out to music, lives in London and does all the shows, parties all the time but I don't want her life and she doesn't want mine, I do however go and visit and have a girls weekend in London every so often and have a great time but am so glad to come home put my slippers on and have a cup of tea