to still feel sad I didn't bond with baby straight away?

[Newmummytobe79]

I watched one born every minute last night and it's made me sad.

My baby is four months old and I couldn't imagine life without baby now and my love is unquestionable.

I did however have a terrible birth and for the first six weeks I cried all the time and felt very empty. I thought terrible things and struggled to bond. I bf and cared for my baby very well but the love took time to come.

I now can't believe I ever felt like that and it makes me feel very sad. I fall deeper in love every day but feel envious of those mums who bond straight away and of our family who smothered our baby with love from the minute they met.

My DH says I shouldn't beat myself up about the hazey days as I adore baby so very much now - we've even discussed having another one (one day!), which I never thought I'd do!

Will the sad feelings ease in time?

Yes, the sad feelings will ease.

You may always have a bit of regret if you think back (like when you come across threads like this) but mostly you will forget.

marriedinwhite - that was a lovely post, thank you for sharing it.

I had brilliant first birth and bonded at first sight. Had traumatic second birth and did not start bonding for four months. It was the most frightening experience of my life and I felt so very guilty for not having reacted to my children the same way but the birth of the second was so badly handled by an evil midwife..
anyway... obviously it is not unreasonable to feel sad about those missed moments in the early weeks but you have a lifetime to deepen the bond you now have..
suggest you read down came the rain by brooke shields who had postpartum depression and didn't bond for a year.. you are not alone..

I really feel for you OP - I strongly urge you to listen to your husband and stop beating yourself up about this.

It is very, very common to struggle with bonding. There's so much pressure on mothers to feel this immediate rush of love that we are all led to believe will happen the minute we see our babies.

I didn't - and I didn't have PND either. I'm just not the sort of person to feel ecstatic when I 'should' do. For eg, my wedding was a fabulous day but most certainly not the 'best day of my life' nor was giving birth to my two dc.

I've had loads of 'best days/moments of my life' doing ordinary things with my dc like watching them score match winning goals, or us all falling about laughing over something silly or dancing round like loons round the kitchen together.

I'm not sure I'm making myself understood but try to be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and enjoy the rest of your life with your ds

I didn't bond immediately with my DD. In fact it took me years to even begin bonding with her (long story for another thread) and I feel incredibly sad at the years we have both missed out on. I look at pictures of her when she was younger and wish we could go back to that time but with me feeling the way I do now ie full of love for her, instead of the way I felt then like DD wasn't actually my child and I was looking after her for someone else.

i struggled to bond with my son, i was convinced he was going to be taken away from me (silly i know) and didn't want to get attached

Not silly mchappy I felt the same