Not to go to sisters 30th weekend?

[ruelachesty]

So back story, I turned 30 a year ago and as it's a horrible skint time of year for everyone I couldn't get anyone to do anything, I had really wanted a party but too many hums and haws about money so I never bothered.

I am getting married in October this year and when we booked the venue last year I knew it was near my sisters birthday but didn't click it was near her 30th.

She has since jokingly said (well maybe only half jokingly) that she can't have a party as it's too near the wedding.

I was talking to my other sister today about maybe going away for 3 days for a honeymoon and she said oh well remember dsis is booking to go away for weekend at end of Oct for her birthday. She told me the plans and it's 3 nights away costing £300 for accommodation alone!!

There is no way that we can afford a honeymoon (which was just a few days up north) and a weekend away and there is no chance we can get a babysitter for two weekends.

Also her DH is 30 soon after so they are also going away to New York in November.

I just feel she is being a bit unreasonable expecting it and I'm also (immaturely) in a bit of a huff as I couldn't even muster enough excitement in anyone for a night out for mine!! In fact, I've already been told again this year I'll get no presents for my birthday till payday as everyone is skint but they are planning on spending a fortune on these!

We simply can't go but I know it will cause problems.

I realise it seems very trivial and I'm probably BU but it's annoyed me a bit.

Grow up, all of you. Obv your honeymoon is more important than someone else's birthday. You're both adults (apparently), your birthday is only important to you and your partner/kids and possibly your Mum

I think you need to separate the issues here.

Your birthday is in January which is (and always will be) a bugger for everyone. I know this as my eldest turned 20 last Monday. There really is nothing you can do about that I'm afraid and it doesn't get any easier when people get older and have kids/houses to spend their money on. So that's something you'll have to accept.

You've decided to get married in October and therefore you will have no spare money for your Sister's birthday weekend. You also can't get childcare to cover it. So that's a bugger too but something your sister will have to accept.

That's the long and the short of it. But if you bring immature feelings about 'not getting presents until payday' and people not being able to 'muster excitement' straight after Christmas...well YABU because you're not a child.

Both you and your Sister need to look at it like this...A birthday is simply the anniversary of when you finally vacated your Mother's womb. You're both adults now and Mothers yourselves so perhaps it's time to concentrate on the children's Birthdays and leave it at that.

As long as I get a home made card from the kids and tea and toast in bed from DH I'm as happy as a pig in shit and it's quite liberating

Or what Stepford said in far less words

Your mini-essay was very elegantly put though, Worra, have a :)

Second what Stepford said as DD's birthday is in early January and everyone is partied and presented out so it's difficult for them to muster enthusiasm for her birthday . Also agree with the rest of what she said .

Enjoy your wedding, concentrate on that not your sister's spending

I'm a Jan birthday, but luckily am not fussed about them. However yanbu to decide how you spend your own money, so yanbu not to go.

Is your sister on MN? If so, I bet there will be a "AIBU to think that my sister shouldn't have arranged her wedding so close to my birthday as now she can't come to my party despite wanting one for her's?"

You just have to tell her you can't go to her weekend away as you can't afford it after the wedding. Your birthday being in January is no excuse for no presents- they do know when your birthday is and plan accordingly. I'm sure they could manage to buy you something small or buy you something after payday. Some people are better at demanding attention than others- I'm not sure why a wedding would get in the way of 30th Birthday celebrations.
You'll have your wedding to look forward to - concentrate on that.