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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has this person got problems they are projecting or am I being unreasonable?

24 replies

TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 11/01/2012 21:48

A bit long, I was wondering if you think my neighbour is ott or is it me?

Don't want to drip feed.

Neighbour dropped a note through the door a few days ago, asking me to look for a dead animal in my garage, as her dog was digging her garden up, and was digging near my garage. I had a read of the letter and spoke to someone to come and help me as I am scared and I have mobility problems, they were due to come tomorrow as it happens. I find my neighbour a controlling bully on the few occasions we have had dealings, and they seem to have issues with undiagnosed OCD, as they have major cleaning issues, they hoover several times a day and the like, I also found out from others that she was discussing the fact I had plants in my conservatory at one point, she used to push trellacing down that I had up for my veg garden several times, as she didn't like poking over the main fence level, she was very nasty about it, I never said anything to her, just kept putting it back up she had a go at me, so, she is very aware of my disability issues and that I am a lone parent, she has been very nasty many times over the years, and when she found out I was on my own her son came and knocked on the door the next day offering to sell my home, I had no intention of moving cheeky sod. They have opened packages, delivered when I was out, and my royal mail as well. The list could go on and on. They have reported me for crazy things to the council, we all own our homes, for example last year it was too snowy for the bin men, and and as I had no clue when they would next come I left my rubbish out, this was reported to the council as rubbish all over the front garden, the council drove by and wrote to me about it saying that they couldn't see a problem, she reported me again, recently, another neighbours dog got loose, owner no where to be found, and attacked my bins an hour before the bin men were due, the bins were actually at the side of my house, and she again reported it to the council, I was at a hospital appointment and have left before the incident, another visit from the council.

So today, I had a visitor and I had just had the supermarket delivery dopped off, and I was just about to sit down the door went, I thought it was the delivery man, it was her, I said it isn't a good time I have a visitor, and went to close the door, she pushed against the door to try and prevent me from closing the door, she was raging and shouting at me, that no I was going to speak to her now, then the door got closed and she shouted she was calling the police. The visitor was still there and then later the police showed up, wanting to examine my garage, I told them no, and that the council had said to me previously to report the neighbour to the police for harrassment, and that I feel she is harassing me now. They said they would have a word with her to ask her to not come near me again, no harassment warning as they are not aware of anything else.

I have cancelled the person coming tomorrow now as I feel that she will think she has bullied me into rummaging around the garage, am I unreasonable to give my professional visitor my attention and to look in my garage at a time that suits me and the person helping me? Would you be annoyed at this woman?

Am I wrong in thinking that she should focus on dealing with her dog herself and her issues, she is probably annoyed at the dirty dog legs or something and can't cope, I really don't like people controlling me, funny enough my ex was a controlling man too and he said next door reminded him of his parents and didn't like them either!

I know they are sneaky, as once some kids built a camp at the end of their's and our garden, exh was going to get up early to wreck it as the kids kept looking in at us in the garden, when he got up he said next door must have wrecked it in the middle of the night, so I am scared of them and what they will do, they are a husband and two grown sons, and her.

I have never had much to do with them if I can help it, I keep myself to myself and get on with my own life.

OP posts:
bumpsnowjustplump · 11/01/2012 21:56

yanbu and your neighbour is being rude, intrusive and totally unreasonable. I feel for you I hate conflict.

fergoose · 11/01/2012 22:06

Your neighbour sounds awful. Why do you need to look in your garage, how has her dog left a dead animal in there? How would it have got in. It just sounds like an excuse to have a go at you.

Well done for standing up for yourself - they sound like vindictive bullies to be honest.

Is it worth you keeping a note of what they do and reporting it to the police/council yourself.

Jux · 11/01/2012 22:06

You're definitely being bullied. Don't do anything that doesn't suit you. Rummage in the garage as and when YOU want to.

Did you say the council had said report her for harassment? That's what you do if she makes a fuss over anything (unless, of course, it is justified, but that seems unlikely!).

TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 11/01/2012 22:12

She has it in her head that there is something dead for some reason, in my garage as her dog is digging her garden up on her side of my garage. The person coming to help me has a dog, so I rang them when I got the letter to speak to them about it all as I found it all really quite strange.

As I said the first rubbish thing, I saw loads of people do the same leave the rubbish out until the bin men turned up. The second time, it was an hour before the bin men came and someone else's dog broke a bin bag open.

I couldn't believe that the police will come out over such things, she apparently told them that she was just being neighbourly, she missed out the bit where she shouted at me and pushed my door to prevent me from closing it, a bit like she made out to the council there was rubbish all over the front garden, she exagerates about me and underplays herself, weird woman.

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TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 11/01/2012 22:13

Should make clear, the council woman said that she was told there was rubbish all over the front garden, where as there was not, there was a bit down the side of the house. I was not around, I was at a hospital appointment when that other person's unattended dog attacked the bin bag.

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TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 11/01/2012 22:15

Her son is a noise nusance actually, always has in various ways, he had one of those minimotor bikes when he was about 12 years ago, he rebells like mad when they are not there, the music goes up full blast etc!

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fergoose · 11/01/2012 22:15

So she is accusing you of having something dead in your garage? - wow that is awful. I hope her dog digging hasn't caused any damage to your garage.

and the rubbish thing - that is vindictive. I can understand if it was days or weeks but she is totally unreasonable about that too.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 11/01/2012 22:22

but how would the animal of got into your garage???

TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 11/01/2012 23:09

The dog is not in my garage, the dog is digging around in her garden, in the part that is next to my garage, which leads her to believe that there is something dead in my garage. Not having a dog I don't know about these things.

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TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 11/01/2012 23:10

oh sorry I misread, how would an animal get into my garage, I have no idea, a small hole somewhere, sneaked in when the door was open at some stage??

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rhondajean · 11/01/2012 23:21

I'm sure it's a criminal offence to interfere with someone else's mail.

rhondajean · 11/01/2012 23:21

Sorry I know that's not the point but all the same.

ZhenThereWereTwo · 11/01/2012 23:25

You need to make a record of all the abusive contacts that you have had with her/members of her family that you can remember (dates, times etc...), take it to the Police, make a complaint about her and get police to serve her with a harrassment notice. This will warn her/them not to have contact with you or else they will risk arrest for harrassing you.

If you do nothing it is likely it will escalate as she clearly is not in her right mind and has now taken to raging at you and trying to force your door open which is an escalation from malicious reporting to the council.

runningwilde · 11/01/2012 23:27

Please report this awful Bully for harassment. Tell them how she tried to force her way Into your house and has opened your mail. She sounds bloody unhinged! You need to get a restraining order and she needs to get the wind knocked out of her with a visit from the police the fucking bitch - I am livid on your behalf x

olgaga · 11/01/2012 23:29

I think you should seek the help of a local disability advocacy group. Not knowing where you are, I can't help you - but there are certainly disability organisations in most areas who could help you with this. It sounds terrible.

I know that the police are also quite sensitive at the moment about helping disabled people suffering harassment. Perhaps you should try to contact your local PCSO? Get them round to discuss what's happening.

I definitely wouldn't leave it. What you said about the son coming round to offer to "sell your home" is quite worrying, because it indicates that they are trying to take advantage of you.

olgaga · 11/01/2012 23:42

You might want to call the Equality and Human Rights Commission helpline - they will help you to take your complaints further:

www.equalityhumanrights.com/about-us/contactus/

They have done a lot of work on disability harassment recently, and what local councils are doing/should do about it - read more here:

www.equalityhumanrights.com/legal-and-policy/inquiries-and-assessments/inquiry-into-disability-related-harassment/

SexySunday · 12/01/2012 00:01

Talk to your mailman with regards to your mail going there, if he/she knows there is a problem they won't leave your mail with them.. or if you order something give details on what to do if you're not in, such at "leave at number 4 if no answer"

Or just send yourself a big yummy looking cake with arsenic in Wink

Kladdkaka · 12/01/2012 00:04

I feel for the dog. No wonder he's so desperately trying to dig his way out.

TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 12/01/2012 00:43

And there was me thinking I was wrong, I am so lacking in confidence still, so you think that she is harassing me?

I have changed a lot in the past few years, I was far more of a push over then than I am now, I would have gone straight into the garage to sort it out and let her force me to listen to her when it suited her etc, so that is good. Also when the police came around, the person I was with was a witness, which I would normally not have had, not to what happened at the door sadly, they just heard a comotion and saw I was shaken up after and heard what I had said, I was kind of pleased they were here, as things like this happen a lot around here, and I sometimes think they are so bizarre that people must think I make them up.

Another neighbour kept knocking on my door about my cat going into his house via their cat flap, I told them to get a catflap with a lock and lock my cat out, they didn't, another time his sister was messing around looking through the cat flap into the house, she then posted the cat through the catflap back into my house, then knocked on this side door, went past thorns and everything to get past, telling me that there has to be a reason the cat keeps coming into their house, I kept telling them the cats here a lot as well. I also wondered if they had wet food, as the vet told me to stop the wet food due to dental issues, and the cat hates dry food. The last I heard they knocked on the door to tell me they had got special colars for their cat and that my cat would not be able to get in any more. Cat has been hanging around here more now, I am sure it was their wet cat food it was after.

I am sure I am gossiped about, unfairly, oh well I hold on to the belief that this will all be registered by him upstairs.

I will have a look tomorrow at contacting those people, after I have made a list of all the issues from next door. I don't really want to get into all of this crap with them next door, I would only do it if it stopped her, I don't want to do it and it make her worse iykwim, as she obviously has the opinion she is far superior to me.

OP posts:
TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 12/01/2012 00:44

I like the idea of mailing something to myself and not being in to collect it, they will rip off the plastic to see what it is or open it, what could I send myself?

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Kladdkaka · 12/01/2012 00:48

How about ordering this?

TheSecondComing · 12/01/2012 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 12/01/2012 00:51

She probably has herself convinced that is what I have in the garage, she and some others have probably wound her up on their dog walks.

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TheMouseRanUpTheClock · 12/01/2012 01:26

Well, well, well, I have just googled reasons dogs dig and there is nothing about it being about them looking for dead animals in garages or looking for dead animals at all, it is about trying to escape, boredom, stress and basically the owner not giving the dog what it needs. I also saw that the dog could be damaging the foundations of my garage with all that digging, good job I kept the letter from her she put in my door and obviously now it is recorded with the police as well, she has potentially shot herself in the foot!

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