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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send this email to DH?

23 replies

GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 04:10

Basically he's in nigeria and I'm not happy about it. Since the protests have started he's been confined to his hotel so he can't work. There seems to be no end in sight so I can figure out why the fuck he's still there.
For now it's quiet where he is and airlines are still flying in and out but word is that the situation wil get worse with rumours that mobile and internet coverage will go.
He's been sending a round-robin email to family members to say he's ok but I've written a reply (to him only) saying I want him out of there now while he can still get out. I don't see the point in waiting until it's too late and the aiports are closed.
I dont want to come cross as a whiny wife but I'm scared of how this could turn out. I haven't sent the email yet and not sure if I should.

Would you?

OP posts:
flamegirl77 · 11/01/2012 04:18

Yes yes yes yes yes. His safety comes first.

SidneyBristow · 11/01/2012 04:20

Hell yes I would. I don't think it's whiny to make it clear that you fear for his physical safety. What's his employer's stance? Is he the only employee in this situation, or is there a group?

mumblechum1 · 11/01/2012 04:22

I would, but I would also expect my dh to have the nous to use his brain and get the hell of of Dodge anyway.

If you think he's just sticking it out for the sake of brownie points with his employer, I'd initially take a businesslike approach with bullet points of objective reasons such as what the FO are recommending and why, and how his company are not going to be impressed if he has to be smuggled/busted out in order to do his job properly.

I'd then say how much I and dc love him and want his sorry ass back home.

So no, not a whiny email, but a sensible and loving one.

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 04:24

I a worry-guts anyway and he knows it but to me, this is a whole different ball game. Hell, he has an armed guard in the car to and from the airport when there's NO strike action!

I don't know his employer's stance, or that of the client whose office he's (supposed to be) working in. He's there alone. I think there are other expats there but not from DH's company. He did say that one company were pulling their guys out before the protests started.

OP posts:
Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 04:26

I'm going to send it. Thanks Ladies....

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mrstiredandconfused · 11/01/2012 04:28

Yep, i'm with the others - definitely send. You're not being whiny, you are trying to protect him. I think many men forget that although we might nag a bit (I certainly do!) there is always a bloody good reason behind it!

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 04:30

Sent....
I've been fighting tears all morning (I'm in the Middle East (kind of ironic lol!)) due to being worried and frustrated. I'm glad others would do the same as me.

OP posts:
fridakahlo · 11/01/2012 04:38

Good for you, now here's hoping he listens and gets the hell out of there!

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 04:42

I'm not holding my breath, but thanks.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 11/01/2012 05:26

At least you've told him how you feel. It's funny but when our actions are unchallenged we assume that they have the support of others. He might have needed to hear what you have to say in order to fully weigh up his position.Your email might be just what he needs to make the decision to get out.

NinkyNonker · 11/01/2012 07:50

Absolutely, you've been very restrained!

aldiwhore · 11/01/2012 08:09

YANBU at all. He has to strike a balance between remaining loyal to work and taking responsibility for his own personal safety. If he's not scared for himself, then maybe your email will help him see the situation as unacceptable.

I agree with folkgirl finger's crossed.

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 09:42

Well we've spoken and he doesn't seem too concerned. His hotel is out of the main part of the city and is all very quiet.
He's been told the safest place he can be is in his hotel away from the hotspots. He's also been told the airport is closed, which seems unlikely given that at least once international airline has a plane on it's way there now, so I'm not sure how accurate any of the news he's being given is Confused

He's been told that it's expected to all blow over within the next few days and he's better of staying where he is in a quiet area than trying to get to the airport through the poorer parts of the city.

Wait and see I guess.

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RuleBritannia · 11/01/2012 11:04

I think you should give him credit for a brain cell or two and know that he knows what he's doing. After all, he's actually there and all you know about it is what you read in newspapers or hear/see on the news broadcasts.

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 12:00

I know the news isn't always the most accurate way of knowing what's going on, but those planning what should happen told him the airport is closed yet aircraft are still on their way to Lagos. I would doubt they'd let their aircraft take off bound for a closed airport.
That alone doesn't give me a lot of confidence in the people who are responsible for him.
I'm a little more relaxed now I've spoken to him but I'm still uneasy over what could happen if this situation isn't resolved peacefully soon.

OP posts:
flamegirl77 · 11/01/2012 12:15

Has he spoken to the Foreign and Commonweth Office?

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 14:17

No, he's waiting to hear what the the client has to say. Someone had suggested he inform his Embassy in Lagos and tell them where he is.

I think that if I was uncomfortable in a situation I'd say fuck what the client or my employer wants, I'm getting out of here. I'm hoping he would do the same, and isn't forcing the issue as he's not that worried yet. Not as worried as me, anyway.

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NewYearEverything · 11/01/2012 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cwtch4967 · 11/01/2012 14:35

My parents spent quite a lot of time in Nigeria and had a few near misses. They were almost attacked in the traffic jam when going to the airport on their way out. They would not go back. I think you are right to be concerned and want your husband home.

coraltoes · 11/01/2012 14:38

Jesus Christ, who does he work for? Shell? My company would have us on a strict evacuation of the country if safe to do so. There is no business worth risking your life, and no client will stand by your grave weeping. Totally warped priorities.

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 15:27

Coraltoes, I agree. I told him businesses are expendable, lives aren't.

No, he doesn't work for Shell. FCO says avoid non-essential travel.

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Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 11/01/2012 15:35

I think it's a really good idea for him to inform the embassy of his whereabouts and how to contact him. They will know where he is if British citizens are being evacuated and will account for him if they need to organise special flights etc. Also following FCO advice is always a good idea. Have they revised it?

Original poster
GiserableMitt · 11/01/2012 15:44

Revised yesterday for sure, not sure if it's been revised late today. He's not British but his Foreign Office are saying the same thing.

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