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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister in law is a pain?

26 replies

TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:17

Please don't flame me, I promise I will accept it completely and absolutely if I am BU about this. (I suspect I probably am, to be honest!)

Okay, first of all, she's a sweet enough person but I think she is a bit spoiled, by her parents and then expected that level of "spoiling" from other adults, if you understand my meaning. She is almost 31 and still talks about "going out with the girls" "getting really spoilt" (for birthdays) and she has really high expectations surrounding gifts and becomes quite upset if she feels not enough thought has gone into a present. This year, I was extremely unwell before Christmas and was admitted to hospital on the 23rd so bought her some gift vouchers. She was grateful but wants something with "a little more thought" for her birthday. Is it just me, or is that quite rude?

She is very overweight (18 stone) - that doesn't bother me, I'm no skinny elf myself and need to shift a stone. What bothers me though is that if we eat out as a family or go to somebody's house for cooking she gets cross if there aren't Weight Watchers options there and she has been doing it for two years now and keeps losing/gaining two stone. I know my BIL is fed up with it because of the money (she won't work and he is the sole earner and doesn't earn much.)

She wants another two children (already has three) but they only have a two-bedroomed house and she also wants to go to university to retrain as a midwife and expects BIL to fund this.

More recently, she told BIL that she didn't love him (they only got married last autumn, although they had been together for a while before that and have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.) BIL came to live with us. He's a lovely man and he was devestated. She then wanted him back because (she told him) "I don't want my children to grow up without a father" - why would you say such a hurtful thing?

I don't know what the point of the post is, to be honest, I just get fed up with her moaning about how hard her life is, the financial stress they are under, the misery she seemingly endures every day when to be honest her "problems" are what normal couples face, I don't want to go back to work but I'll have to and full time since my employer refused my PT request.

Grr I guess she just annoys me so I am BU aren't I?

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 10/01/2012 22:19

Well I still 'go out with the girls' and like to be spoilt on my birthday, and it IS nice if a menu has some lower fat options.

But for saying she'd like a gift with more thought put into it to anyone, you or not, ill or not, is a pretty sure sign she's a twat. For that YANBU.

troisgarcons · 10/01/2012 22:21

I dont think any of it is your business TBH.

Irritatingpeople are in every walk of life.

TBH BIL should have stayed away then she could get oodles of tax credits.

BandOMothers · 10/01/2012 22:21

So she's overweight, she was rude about a gift and she left your BIL and then asked him back and she doesn't work.

The only thing in this that you can really moan about is her expecting certainn gifts...what she said to BIL was honest...I wouldn't want my DC to grow up wthout a Dad...and I am sure there was more than that to her taking him back.

SO YANBU about the gift but YABU about all the rest. Her marriage is her concern and so is her diet and her job.

Haziedoll · 10/01/2012 22:22

She does sound pretty annoying. To be fair to her you can't really comment on the state of her marriage because nobody really knows the ins and outs of another couples relationship.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:22

Oh yeah, I didn't mean she was a pain for going out with the girls, I suppose it's the way she talks about it that gets up my nose, as if they are all little girlies going to a seventh birthday party where she gets her way because she is the Birthday Girl - I can't explain it any better than that but that's really what she's like x

(My birthday is crap - New year's eve! We planned DD's so much better ;) )

OP posts:
BandOMothers · 10/01/2012 22:23

I also know women in their 40s who go out with the "girls" even though they're not really girls...up to them. Harmless. I do however get annoyed at grown women getting all jelly and ice cream about ther birthdays.

Swimminglikeaduck · 10/01/2012 22:24

My sympathies. I thought we might have the same sil when I read your first paragraph!

calamityboo · 10/01/2012 22:25

Don't worry yanbu, she clearly want the world on a plate with pudding! Your poor bil has lumberd himself with a real selfish woman, I can't believe how bad she has treated him, did he go back? Is there any one in the family who will stand up to her and tell her how the real world functions?

Ooh am all cross on your behalf, people like her make me so bloody mad! Gettin all bosom hoiky now!!

BobblyGussets · 10/01/2012 22:26

She is spoilt and immature and I feel sorry for her DH and DCs. All you can is vent on here and be supportive to her DH and Dcs. You sound nice, but you don't have to be that nice to her.

I was ill (not hospitalized though) for a few days before Christmas and had to get my closest friend a gift last minute in between Christmas and New Year. When I confessed that I had done that (I made sure it was a nice gift), she was quite happy that she'd gotten a gift at all. You should have maybe mildly called her on that "little more thought" thing. Why would she say that if you have been in hospital? She should have been extra pleased because you'd made an effort even though you were ill.

New time, if she wants "a little more thought", you could wrap up a weight watchers meal for her.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:28

He went back yes. I suppose I'm just thinking how I would feel if DH said to me "well I don't love you, or actually like you much but I expect you to go to work so I can bring up our baby," I'd be beyond devestated - I honestly think I would just want to curl up and die and that's effectively what she said to my BIL.

I guess to be fair my sympathies will of course be with him but I found her a pain even before the expulsion of BIL! x

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 10/01/2012 22:29

How many children has she got again?

And if she wants to retrain as a midwife, then surely that's great for her? She could earn a decent salary.

Marriages are hard. Up and down and what goes on between two people is tricky to judge. Especially if they don't ask you for your opinion.

She's just not your kind of person. Can you just minimise contact or maybe even befriend her properly? You might like her more.

thenightsky · 10/01/2012 22:29

she sounds like a PITA. Tell her to grow up.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:30

Haha Bobbly! :) She does in fairness go to a lot of trouble buying gifts for people, she is the sort of woman who will buy Christmas gifts in the January sales but I'm just not that organised - I work full time, or I did before having DD and now I am on maternity leave money is tight and plus I was unwell. I do try to get people things I think they will like but with people I'm unsure of I go for vouchers. I love getting vouchers personally so always assume others will be made up as well!

OP posts:
Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:32

Mmm well she has three children and wants another two so family of five.

I get the midwife thing in a way but it does mean BIL (who is a teacher - normal with no TLR or responsibilities) is under a lot of pressure financially and he will be for basically the next ten years if she gets her way.

I don't dislike her exactly, she's sweet in her way but I find her a bit spoiled and child-like, wanting everything her way and doing a little bit of foot stamping if it isn't.

OP posts:
calamityboo · 10/01/2012 22:34

What's a pita?

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:35

I think it's pain in the arse! :)

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 10/01/2012 22:39

She sounds very spoilt indeed. Sorry but ffs anyone that can say to a relative that they "expect a gift with a little more thought" when that person has been so poorly they were hospitalised is unbearbly self absorbed.

pita is pain in the arse.

Cherriesarelovely · 10/01/2012 22:40

Hope you are feeling better OP. Horrible to be ill over christmas.

Original poster
TeapotsInJune · 10/01/2012 22:43

Thank you cherries, I'm getting better thanks, have been feeling more like my old self this week :)

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 10/01/2012 22:50

She sounds vile.

The correct response to her demanding a more thoughtful birthday present is 'how rude and ungrateful of you, I won't be wasting my time and money where it's not appreciated, buy your own present'.

When she whines about lack of ww options I'd say 'hasn't worked yet so stop complaining'. (only because she's such a bitchGrin).

When she complains about financial stress say 'well if you would get off your lazy arse and get a job you wouldn't have that problem, it's not your dh's fault, his only crime is to have a lazy, spoiled wife'.

When she talks about wanting more children, 'but you can't afford the ones you already have and you have already told your husband you don't love him, why would he want more kids with you?'.

She is only horrible because nobody ever pulls her up on it.

Stop indulging her.

calamityboo · 11/01/2012 07:29

Blush can't believe I didn't get that!

calamityboo · 11/01/2012 07:31

And next time she asks for a more thoughtful present, I would smile and ask her for a more thoughtful recipient!!

Whatmeworry · 11/01/2012 07:37

She is a taker, feel sorry for BIL but it is their affair, so just keep away as much as possible, smile when you see her and never commit to doing anything.

Icelollycraving · 11/01/2012 07:45

Sorry but I think yabu. Her weight,mannerisms,marraige are none of your business. She may irritate,she just isn't your cup of.

rockyroadicecream · 11/01/2012 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.