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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want other kids to smash up my sons toys when they come over?

35 replies

diminishedresponsibility · 10/01/2012 21:19

Am just a bit fed up with all the broken bits when other kids mistreat his toys. Should their mummy be stopping this behaviour or really am I being unreasonable. Should I just accept that things get broken. It's my son's 3rd birthday this weekend, should I hide all the toys in case all the bits get distributed across the house/garden?

OP posts:

SiamoNellaMerda · 10/01/2012 21:20

How about a little pro-active parenting and discipline when there are other kids over? Have you tried that?

TurkeyBurgerThing · 10/01/2012 21:22

I hear you. It drives me mental. YADNBU.

Hide them all away and only leave out the broken and indestructible ones!

Original poster

diminishedresponsibility · 10/01/2012 21:25

I am preparing a cardboard box and a biscuit tin for everyone to play with, is that going too far?

OP posts:

MissBetsyTrotwood · 10/01/2012 21:27

Of course their mothers should be stopping this behaviour.

If they don't, you have to.

BUT to make your life as easy as possible for the birthday party, I agree with TurkeyBurgerThing about leaving out the broken and bomb proof ones.

youarekidding · 10/01/2012 21:28

my DS would love that! He's 7

YANBU re broken toys.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 10/01/2012 21:28

In answer to your second question, yes.

NormanTheForeman · 10/01/2012 21:31

YANBU - I remember now when my cousin came over to play when I was about 3 and broke my plastic toy trumpet! I was always very careful with my stuff so was completely !

pigletmania · 10/01/2012 21:31

YANBU at all, I hate that. My dd 4.5 got a walkie talkie for Christmas and my friends 4 year old ds got very angry with it and hearled it across the room, I was . His mum told him off, and child's parents should and offer to pay for a new item if the child breaks it.

pigletmania · 10/01/2012 21:32

my friends ds did not break it thank goodness.

bobbledunk · 10/01/2012 21:58

Why do you let them?

Tell them to stop.

Charge their mothers for replacements.

Send their mothers home with them if they continue to misbehave.

YABU to tolerate this nonsense.

Original poster

diminishedresponsibility · 10/01/2012 22:20

Lose a friend, retain a fireman sam sort of thing you mean?

OP posts:

bobbledunk · 10/01/2012 23:13

They're not much of a friend if their allowing their children to destroy your son's toys. Yes, I would retain fireman sam and upgrade to better friends if they weren't prepared to respect my child's possessions and our home.

exoticfruits · 10/01/2012 23:17

I would either not invite them or speak to the DC yourself if the mother won't bother.

40notTrendy · 10/01/2012 23:17

Drives me mad too. I just step in and remove whatever it is that's likely to be trashed and put in our bedroom. Although ds once drew (in pencil thankfully) on a bedroom wall of an old friend's house . I did go mad quietly chastise him .

larks35 · 10/01/2012 23:20

My DS has just turned 3 and none of his friends has ever smashed up his toys and he has never smashed any of theirs. He came close to smashing his new remote-effing-controlled car today (lovely xmas pressie from his nan - grrrr) but I'm amazed that you and your DS's friends parents allow this kind of behaviour tbh.

psketti · 10/01/2012 23:32

We hide things if someone a bit destructive is coming round. The thing is you don't always notice they've broken something until they've gone.

tigerlillyd02 · 11/01/2012 01:01

YANBU!

I hate it. I don't just hate it, it drives me completely up the wall. DS is 2 and so far is very good with his toys. I'm probably always harping on about playing nicely with them. But my 2 nieces (6 and 5) come over occasionally and every time there's at least 1 toy broken - never mind the rest of the place looking like a bomb has landed! Just a simple trip to the toilet ends up with soap being squirted all round the bathroom and water everywhere. No amount of telling them stops them. To use 'proper' punishments such as time out etc is always met with screaming from them and parents therefore not in agreement so I eventually made it known in a round about way I don't like them coming over. They don't visit much now. If I have the joy of looking after them, we go out.

My 3 yr old nephew once jumped on my laptop and snapped the wire when I had to fight to get him off it and on a seperate occasion threw my £350 mobile phone in the sink (full of water ready for washing up). Totally ruined. I was fuming. His mothers reaction? Don't leave them lying around then!!!!! In my own home! I've never allowed them back either and we don't get on now... not just for that one reason but for all sorts of reasons involving her child.

tigerlillyd02 · 11/01/2012 01:05

The laptop didn't break by the way, fortunately! Just the charger.

blueballoon79 · 11/01/2012 07:02

I had a friend with a son who was the same. He always broke DD's toys and once even climbed up my TV stand and broke it.
Her reaction "Oh it doesn't matter too much does it?"
She has two DD's aswell who eat all my food and run around throwing crumbs all over the floor.
Thankfully she hasn't been round in over a year. My house would be a tip after she'd left, without offering to help tidy any of it up!
I'm not missing her at all, someone who treats your home and possessions with such little care and respect is not really someone I wish to have in my home!

MovesLikeJagger · 11/01/2012 07:08

YANBU. My best friend's son is like this, he's destructive to a ridiculous degree but she doesn't seem to see it. 'He's such a boy' is all she says. I regularly have to chastise him but I just put things away now when he's coming round as I don't want my kids things being wrecked!

needanewname · 11/01/2012 07:08

And you met this happen why?

YellowDinosaur · 11/01/2012 07:11

I agree that I wouldn't allow people who show a blatant disregard for my things into my home. If the friendship is important meet out, like at soft play where its hard to break stuff!

The party is a little different - children are a bit hyper and excited. I've always had parties at home (until this year) and take the majority of the toys away before the party to avoid them getting trashed. Then do party games to amuse the kids - works fine

Whatmeworry · 11/01/2012 07:14

Anyone who allows their kids to mistreat your home and stuff is not a friend.

Gumby · 11/01/2012 07:51

Are we talking school age

My 7 yr old comes and finds me when things get out of hand

At that age you have to trust them

At 2 or 3 you should be in the same room as them

Areallytiredwoman · 11/01/2012 08:00

We had this with DSS's cousins who were badly behaved and not disciplined boisterous (sp?).

In the end I had to discuss with other family members that their children couldn't play in the boys room or with their Xbox . Apparently 'boys will be boys' and I was being unrealistic . It ended in a heated debate when I pointed out that my boys weren't like this.

It caused a few problems but I was fed up of the kids being upset when things got broken when they look after their things

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