Is this an unreasonable request?

[deemented]

Firstly, let me just say that i have no desire to ever stop manshape from seeing his son whatsoever, that's not now, or ever has been, my intention.

So. Manshape sees his son three times a week, on a Mon, Weds and Friday, and we have him alternate weekends, picking him up on Friday after he finishes school and taking him home late Sunday. He also speaks to him every night on the phone.

His son lives a 40 mile round trip away. Manshape doesn't drive, neither does DSS's mum - i'm the only driver. The train would take almost three hours for manshape to get home in the evening - he just misses a connection - and a bus even longer, so it's financaily and practically better for us that i drive him and pick him up.

On the days he goes to see DSS, i drop him off about 2pm, come back in time to pick DC up from school, take them home, do dinner for them and then pile them in the car and drive to pick him up at 6pm, so we can be home in time to do bedtimes.

Currently, i am nearly 34 weeks pregnant, and suffering badly with sciatica and PGP/SPD. In all honesty doing 80+ miles sat in one position three times a week is absolutely killing me. I'm behind the wheel for a good couple of hours each time, and i'm in totaly agony. Painkillers aren't touching it at all. I'm not sleeping at night because of the pain, and i'm often worried that i'm going to nod off in the car. I'm struggling to walk as it is, and its only going to get worse until baby is born

So, WIBVU in asking that intead of manshape going up there three times a week to see his son and me being totally incapacitated from driving him, we instead have his son every weekend? At least then i wouldn't be driving nearly half as much. Only until baby gets here and i'm not in so much pain

WDYT?

No he hasn't yet. TBH he's a big bloke - well over six foot and built like a brick outhouse, and we haven't found many cars he could actually fit comfortably behind.

He spoke with his ex tonight - things have been strained with us in the past, but we rub along well enough now - and she's insisting that i can only do what i can manage, so if i'm not feeling up to driving a lot, then thats ok.

TBH it's become so much part of our routine now, my DC are used to it - DS2 is 7, DD is 3 and DS3 will be 2 in a couple of days. Sometimes, simply for ease, we have little 'picnics' in the car, just so i don't have to cook

I honestly dont know how it's going to work if i have to have a CS. Where we live it's an hours bus ride to the city for manshape to get the train, going up's not too bad, but coming back is an absolute nightmare - he can leave there on the ten past six train, and by the time he gets home it's nearly 9.30pm - tbh i'm dreading it if he does that, it'll mean he leaves at midday and then i'll be on my own with all four of them, doing the school run, bedtimes etc.

I know i'll have to get used to it eventually, but it all seems rather daunting just now.

Glad manshape's ex is being reasonable about it. :) Though I still feel for you, 3 nights a week alone with a baby and 3 young DCs is still too much IMO. Is there no way manshape can cut down on the visits during the week? 3 visits on weeknights as well as every other weekend seems a lot, he's actually seeing more of DSS during the week than the DCs he actually lives with, and with you when you really need him to help, I'd be a bit fed up about that . And they're speaking on the phone every night- surely if DSS is 12 he's old enough to understand that his dad needs to be spending more time at home now you're going to have a new baby in addition to 3 much younger brothers and sisters, especially when he lives such a long way away?

And the car journey might be a part of your routine now, but what about when the DCs are older and have homework to do in the evenings but still too young to leave at home alone?

Have you spoken to manshape about how daunted you're feeling? IMO you shouldn't be having to cope with that on your own while manshape is at DSS's. How do you think he would react if you suggested cutting down the number of weekday visits permanently?

Dee you honestly sound like a wonderful step- mum . I wish I had an eighth of your step parenting ability .
Despite everything you have going on I think that is way more than a reasonable request.
I think it shows real commitment and love .

Please don't forget your needs in all of this though . x

Can he drive in slipper socks? Would that be easier for him to learn like that?

Yanbu btw.

Manshape needs to learn to drive, and YANBU to want to change things for a while.

34 weeks pregnant?! 34?! that has gone insanely fast! although not for you I would think :o