to think this is a genius solution to birthday party present angst?

[OhBuggerandArse]

Everybody is worrying (again) about birthday party present etiquette and cost over here.

So am going to c&p what I said there, in the hope that it might inspire more of us to do this, and help bring an end to the birthday present arms race.

As follows:

My DC went to a birthday party recently which I think had the best solution ever to all stresses and worries related to present giving, and to tat accumulation.

They didn't say 'no presents', but 'don't bring a present for the birthday child, instead bring a small present for a lucky dip at the end instead of a party bag'.

So all the kids felt like they were bringing something nice, everyone felt like they got something nice, there were no no tit-for-tat (pun intended) worries about price or anything, and no-one was left with more plastic crap than they wanted hanging around the place.

I think it was genius, because it avoids the rather graceless feeling that saying 'no gifts please' always has about it, but cuts out what begins to feel like a rather obscene excess of STUFF.

What d'you reckon?

I think I would still rather buy and take along a gift for the birthday child, rather than for other guests.

Manes sense.

Bit like secret santa really, but without knowing who you're buying for. We did this at Christmas with my uni friends, the girl organising it just said "bring a unisex gift £5 or under." and we had a big lucky dip. Some poor sod was the lucky recipient of a travel-size original source shower gel though

Not sure the birthday child would find that quite such a good idea!!

I think a lucky dip done by the parents instead of a party bag is a good idea though, might nick that one.....

Well its a nice idea BUT I think it is a shame for the birthday child and I'd buy them something too tbh! Also, what if some people bring much better things than others? What if some people feel they can't come 'cause they can't afford a present?

I can remember my primary-school age birthday parties vividly. I have no recollection whatsoever of gifts from my party goers, whether they even brought any or not. Would the birthday child really be that bothered amid all the excitement?

Really really? I totally understand the impulse, but the last birthday party my DC went to I saw the parents leaving the venue with three sacks full of enormous presents, and by the time we saw them at school again a week later the birthday child still hadn't opened any of them because he was totally overwhelmed with it all. So I wonder whether our nice ideas of choosing something carefully that will be appreciated by the recipient go a wee bit astray in reality.

Sorry but I think that's really harsh for the birthday child. So, it's their birthday and they may end up with the same or less than every other attendee, not fair in my view.

(Sorry, that was to Hulababy).

The mum in question has been doing it for years, and says the birthday kids really don't mind, and the older kids get really into it, and even do swaps once they've opened stuff up.

Ds (5) loves getting his presents from his friends...

I don't understand the angst myself.

DD gets invite, we chose a nice gift for a fiver and hand it over to party boy/girl.

DD has a party, she enjoys opening gifts - the good, the bad, the ugly - and I quietly re-gift or charity shop some of them.

Everyone's a winner.

I had a lucky dip for one of my dds birthdays she never got TATT presents always really lovely ones not expensive but not tatt , anyway i had a lucky dip which i made up of books and bubbles is that tatty ?

Why? Because part of going to parties to DD is going and choosing a present that she believes that her friend will like, not some generic gift for anyone.

To me the birthday child gets the gift because they are the one giving/hosting the party, and they are the one celebrating their birthday. The others are guests.

It does make sense, but birthday parties shoudn't be about "sense" really...
Not for 5 year olds anyway. It's a bit like those people who ask for no gifts, but a donation towards a larger toy (like a trampoline) would be appreciated. Makes prefect sense, but still doesn't sit right with me for some reason.

Done thing at DS's school is for one parent to organise a collection. Usually £5 per child attending. That way the child gets a nice lump sum to spend how they (parent!) sees fit - and it cuts down on the plastic tat people bring. And it is usually a lot cheaper than buying another gift. Not sure why more people don't do that. Now even if no-one has organised a collection (late notice of party for example) most people just bung a fiver in the card. But it is nicer to do the collection and present the full amount to the parent.

We also do that for teacher/TA gifts at Xmas and end of term. Saves soooo much hassle!

I think it's bloody mean.

How would you feel if your husband decided you didn't need any xmas/birthday presents and forbade everyone from buying you stuff?

We do E5 per child for 'whole class' school parties at our school too. With so many parties, it works out great.

I have hosted several such parties for my DDs, and they never miss the presents. They like to keep the money received and spend it themselves. They receive presents from DH & I, and enjoy having a party with their friends.
But the key to this is that this is what is 'normal' within their school.

If they saw all the other birthday kids getting loads of presents, I don't think they would be so happy about it!

Yep, normalising different approaches is the key. In my experience lots of kids really really don't want loads of stuff - my own have said (unprompted) that they didn't want more presents on a fair few occasions, and I've heard anecdotal reports of friends' kids saying similar things.

I can see it Might not be for everyone, but honestly, when I see thread after thread of people worrying about what to get and how much to spend on birthday presents, and thread after thread of people wondering whether it's ok to regift/donate stuff they dont want, dont need, and dont have room for afterwards, it just seems kind of logical.

Also it would settle the thank you note dilemma nicely, but maybe that's for another thread!

Angst? Really? People have angst over taking a present to a child's birthday party - that's funny!
But is this really solving the 'angst' - instead of angsting over what to get the birthday child for £5 you'd be angsting over what to put in a lucky dip for £5?

So it doesn't solve the problem does it?

At least you know if the birthday child is a girl or a boy. Buying unisex presents is bloomin' difficult, especially if you don't know the child it is for (I know it shouldn't be but that's a whole other issue). I'd have much more 'angst' buying an anonymous present than one for a child I, or my child, knew.

do people who angst over birthday pressies for kids need to get out more OR need to find more important things to worry about - don't think we've achieved world peace yet

It would not work around here, I just know it wouldn't. Folk would not be able to comprehend the instruction (we're in Narfook you know) and would bring presents anyway for the birthday child. And no lucky dip. Disaster, I tell you. Never mind whether the birthday child could alter their expectations.