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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect a little more from my DH?

7 replies

HurtLocker · 10/01/2012 10:34

I had a hospital appointment yesterday as I need to have a minor op. The doctor wasn't great, though that's neither here nor there, but just before I left he handed me a form and told me to go to the phlebotomy department to have a blood test "to check it isn't cancer".

I'm pretty sure it isn't and had the blood taken, but when I mentioned it to DH later and said I was a bit freaked out at the doctor putting it so baldly and it had made me a bit anxious, he literally shrugged his shoulders. Several hours later, having tried to talk to him about it again but getting much the same reaction, I was tossing and turning in bed unable to sleep because it was preying on my mind while DH plays computer games downstairs. I tried to bring it up again when he came to bed (more than an hour after me), and he said it was late and he wasnted to go to sleep.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Or am I over-reacting, particularly as I don't think it is anything sinister? I just wanted a hug and some reassurance really, but am upset at his apparent refusal to talk about it, and to favour playing computer games over even just giving me a hug in bed, even if he didn't want to talk about it himself (he could be a bit freaked out at it too, for all I know, but he wouldn't say).

OP posts:
dottygirl1 · 10/01/2012 10:48

I would be upset by his reaction too. But as you say,maybe he is in turmoil inside and is trying to keep it together for your sake.

I hope your results are clear and wish you well with your surgery.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 10/01/2012 10:50

DH=penis face for behaving this way. I don't care if HE'S in turmoil, the poor love(!) YOU are going through this and need support. What a douchebag he is.

startail · 10/01/2012 11:00

DHs worry, they don't want to tell you they are worried. They behave like arses.
Mines usually very good, but he is capable of doing this too!
It's especially a problem if it's some thing they can't fix or give advice on. Just listening and nodding is not always a male skill.
Hugs

edwinbear · 10/01/2012 11:09

I had a very similar reaction from DH when I had a lump in my breast last year. The GP's final comment, after booking my referral and saying it was unlikely to be anything sinister (thankfully it wasn't) was 'of course women your age (36) do get breast cancer'. I was understandably pretty anxious for a couple of weeks and DH spent a lot of his time shrugging his shoulders and saying 'I'm sure you'll be fine'. I think men in general just prefer denial, for themselves as well as their partners, when it comes to illness.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 10/01/2012 11:16

men in general also aren't very good at cleaning and cooking. Hmm

HurtLocker · 10/01/2012 11:17

I guess I was just hoping for a hug from him, even if he was a bit worried. If he is concerned, it isn't coming across at all. I'd love him to say "I'm sure it'll be fine", but he has to be in the same room as me to do so.

But thank you all, nice people of MN who have taken the time to reply. The virtual hugs have helped.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 10/01/2012 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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