to think dp was overreacting and interfering?

[familyfun]

im a sahm and deal with school run/lunches/uniforms etc.
dd1 (4) came home with a letter saying we owed money for a school dinner in december, she takes a packed lunch every day which is eaten every day and as far as im aware has never had a school dinner, i asked her if she had eaten a dinner and she said no never (she is scared to stay dinners) so i put letter on fridge to take to office and query.
dp saw it on fridge and said whats this, why have they sent us this, we dont owe any money, they need to sort the facts before sending letters and then wrote on letter "not dd1, dd1 has NEVER had a dinner, try X" (a girl with similar name) whcih i was a bit about as it was unnecessary imo.
anyway at lunchtime today he asked me if id been in office and i said no id forgetten but would deal with it.
tonight he asked had i been in office, i told him i had and they had taken a copy of the letter (which he had written on) and would look into it and said normally if a child forgets lunch they phone home first to check child can have a dinner so presume its the wrong name so its sorted.
dp then started saying, well why would they send us a letter when they are wrong, we are probably black listed now, what if dd needs a dinner one day and they dont give her one cos we are in debt, they should sort themselves out.
i told him its sorted and he was overreacting.
he said he needed to remind me as i had forgotten at lunchtime.
i said well its sorted now.
he said they shouldnt give a child a dinner if it isnt booked.
i said if dds forgot their lunch id prefer school feed them and ask for money after, why was he goig on?
he then said im rude and always have to be in charge and have the last word.
i told him to leave it as i was doing dinner.
he kept saying i had to have the last word.
i ended up shutting the door in his face and telling him to leave me alone and dd1 shouted "stop argueing" which was awful

we dont normally argue but dp is stressed at work and had a friend in a bad situation at the moment and seems snappy.

i just felt he should have left me to deal with it and it wasnt worth a row.

aibu?

yanbu, but it sounds like there's more to his rowing than just this. He's stressed and is picking on the simplest, most easily sorted thing to vent his frustrations. Once he's calmed down ask him if he needs to talk anything through with you as you know he's stressed and you'd like to help him if you can.

Er, he's mad. Send him for a little lie down.

YANBU

My dh tends to take to do with stuff like this when he's home (he works away most of the time) and it really bothers me - it's my business, (boring as it is) not his

sounds like your dp is looking for an outlet to exert some control over, if he's feeling stressed at his work

try to talk to him when you're both calm and explain that you can deal with this kind of thing and he doesn't need to bother with it

it's sometimes hard to define roles within the house, I think

you need to make him see you're capable of being sorted out enough to look after this kind of thing - this is the small stuff

i am trying to be understanding about work and talk about his friend but i feel like im good enough to look after the kids/house all day then he walks in and starts throwing his weight around which i dont appreciate.

i deal with this stuff every day, its just such a stupid thing to go on about and poor little dd didnt like it.

He overreacted massively - it was an admin mix up by the sound of it, no need to get angry about it.

Looking at it objectively I think you assessed the situation correctly and would have handled it perfectly well, his note and comment just made things more complicated.

i felt a bit embarrased that he wrote on the letter, like he thought i couldnt handle it.
he manages a large number of men at work and sometimes he forgets he doesnt need to manage me or talk to me like one of his workforce.
grr

YANBU. He was being a twunt be going on about something that was being dealt with. He should realise that then you should forgive him.

What was the outcome with the lunch? Did the school realise it was a mistake? I thought it might have been for Christmas dinner? All ours had to pay for one even if they usually have packed lunch.

Yanbu.

Is he a bit dim? Always such hard work?

They might have given her a Christmas dinner.

It is "compulsory" in my dc school. All children are booked in for Christmas dinner, and then they have to opt out. If they have not opted out, they will be charged.

no we had a letter to sign if we wanted them to have xmas dinner and dd wouldnt have one.
dd can have a dinner whenever she wants, she refuses.
school are speaking with the catering staff and letting me know.
dd is only 4 so i wondered if she tried a dinner and didnt tell me

massive over-reaction on his part, and sounds very controlling too

is he like this over other things? hopefully not and this was just a blip..

very occasionally he gets a bee in his bonnett and goes on and on, normally he is chilled and laid back