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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To raise this with the headteacher?

27 replies

NickNacks · 09/01/2012 13:58

i've had a call from school this morning to say that my son got extremely distressed during his swimming lesson. They wanted to let me know now instead of at pick up time because another parent had gone along to watch and suggested to the staff that he should be taken out of the water. Teachers disagreed and left him in the water as they felt it would only set him back to see that tears would mean he got to leave the water.

I'm not comfortable that he was left in the pool distraught for 30mins but since I wasn't there should I leave it to the school to make the judgement or is the fact that another parent felt she had to step in enough evidence that they went too far?

OP posts:
Binfullofsiliconelimbsonthe45 · 09/01/2012 14:02

i would talk to the other parent if I could, to try and get a measure of her take on the situation.

What has you son said about what happened and why he was distressed?

Can you talk to the teacher directly involved?

NikkiH · 09/01/2012 14:05

Do you know the other parent? Can you get their take on the situation? Could you discuss with the teacher involved how they could handle it better should this situation arise again next week? Maybe you and the teacher could discuss together swimming lessons with your son, why he got upset and what could be done to prevent him getting so distressed next week?

I wouldn't rush to the headteacher but would like a more constructive way of handling the situation worked out with the staff involved so to prevent his distress in future.

Original poster
NickNacks · 09/01/2012 14:05

I haven't spoken to DS yet as it only happened this morning. He doesn't like swimming at all and will quite often be upset before getting in but settles once in. It's never been like this though.

I'm not sure how to find out who the parent was- teacher who called me didn't say.

OP posts:
Heswall · 09/01/2012 14:06

Tears should mean that he leaves the water for fuck sake, imagine any of situation where you are terrified but for your own good and completely out of your control you are made to suffer. Some teachers are fuckwits IMO.

ceebie · 09/01/2012 14:12

I think you should arrange to talk it through with the teacher(s). Give them the opportunity to explain exactly what happened and why they felt that it was in your DS's best interests to persevere in the pool. However bottom line is that your DS was in their care and so they have to make their own judgements even if it's not how you would have handled things - unless they really were being negligent or cruel.

Kayano · 09/01/2012 14:14

Being left in that much distress can actually make it worse! My god as a phobia sufferer I am livid on your DS behalf!

Stupid teachers Angry

LornMowa · 09/01/2012 14:14

I used to go along as a parent helper when my daughter was in primary school. I must say it took all my strength to avoid getting into agro with the swimming teachers.

The pool was freezing, they often had far too many children "swimming" in the same area so they kept bumping into each other. They wouldn't let them wear googles for health and safety reason so their eyes would be stinging.

To top it all the teacher wouldn't project her voice when giving instructions and would then scream at the children when they didn't do as she asked.

My daughter has been put off swimming for life.

Perhaps you should ask other parents/children about their experience of the lessons and find if there are ways of improving how it is run.

DeWe · 09/01/2012 14:15

Other parent suggesting he should be taken out doesn't necessarily say they went too far. If I'd been there I might well have said "would you like X to get out and come and sit with me" if I was there to watch. That wouldn't mean that I felt they should take him out, just to make the teacher aware that I'd offered if they wanted to.

I would talk to the teacher rather than the parent.

For what it's worth, at the dc infants they have summer lessons twice a week. The first week there's often several children getting upset, sometimes very upset. I've never known the tears go into the third week. Almost all the children are jumping in independently, or with only a hand to help by the end, even those who are terrified at the beginning.

Original poster
NickNacks · 09/01/2012 14:15

He's cried nearly every lesson (it's better when I'm able to go along and watch but I can't do that every week) and their approach of making him get in doesn't appear to be working but apparently worse if today is anything to go by.

He's only 5 and I hate to think of him scared.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 09/01/2012 14:18

Stupid teachers? Fuckwit teachers? That's for the OP to have an opinion on, not us, having only heard one side of the story. Swimming lessons are always a difficult one. OP should speak to the teachers and try to attend another session if at all possible. It's vitally important children have good water skills. Could be the right time to start lessons privately, given the DS's reaction.

SandStorm · 09/01/2012 14:18

You need to talk to the school because you actually have very little information. Your definition of 'extremely distressed' may not be the same as the school's. The other parent may have very different tolerance levels to you or the school. How far into the lesson did your child actually become distressed? They have only said 'during' which could be anything from 2 seconds after he got in to 20 minutes later.

Talk to them, and your child, and see what's what.

ps. how old is your son?

Scholes34 · 09/01/2012 14:19

I'm really surprised that the school is doing these lessons for 5 year olds. My DCs didn't do this until Year 3, and by that time had already been having lessons in smaller groups at the local pool.

EdithWeston · 09/01/2012 14:20

As the school has raised this with you, I think you would NBU to want to find out exactly what went on and why they made the decision they did. It is possible that he was not distraught for the rest of the lesson, and that pushing through was the right thing. Or there might be a genuine problem that needs careful management to find the right way ahead, and that is a discussion you need to be part of. As long as you go about it calmly, this could be a very useful discussion to be having now.

4madboys · 09/01/2012 14:23

some schools do swimming from reception, my ds's school has its own pool and right through from reception to when they leave at the end of yr 6 they have swimming once a week, i think its really good :)

but if my child was VERY distressed i would expect them to take him to one side to comfort them etc and do little games to get them comfortable with being in the pool.

Original poster
NickNacks · 09/01/2012 14:24

Sorry more info for clarity...

He's 5 and in yr1. He's had weekly lessons since beginning of reception so around 16 months.

They travel to the local leisure centre for lessons with a swimming instructor in smaller groups (around 6-8 in his group).

He usually cries getting in and will stop around 5 minutes in. I usually get told how he is every Monday pm but today they called before lunch because in their words he was 'extremely distressed'.

OP posts:
Kayano · 09/01/2012 14:25

Yes
Stupid teachers if a 5 year old is that
Distressed! They should think 'hmm this isn't working with this child, we should maybe try a different approach rather than risk him associating water and swimming with distress.

Whether it be speaking with op to try swimming at weekend to develop water confidence or giving the child some one to one time if possible.

I am a confident swimmer but it's all too easy to associate activities like that with distress and develop a fear, ESP if he thinks he will just be left!

What would they do if he had just climbed
Out? Pushed him back in? No child
Should be left distressed for 30 mins at 5 years old

EmilyStrange · 09/01/2012 14:26

At the age of 5 I would be very angry at what happened. I have also heard that if you push them too much too young you make the fear of water much, much worse. I think they should never have left him in the water.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/01/2012 14:27

Talk to his own teacher first, then the head teacher if you're not happy with the response.

Is there any chance of you taking him swimming yourself (e.g. at the weekend) to help him get more confident in the water?

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 09/01/2012 14:29

If my 5 year old child was Extremely distressed then i would expect him to be taken out of the pool, 30 mins is along time to be kept in the pool while upset, i would be worried about him being terrified of going again

Heswall · 09/01/2012 14:30

Teachers seem to forget they are dealing with a real life person at times, how would they feel if they started to cry in a room full of spiders for example and somebody no don't take him/her out of that terrifying situation it'll do him/her good to get over it.
I only ever ask of teachers to treat my child as they would their own and I suspect that rarely happens in truth.

Original poster
NickNacks · 09/01/2012 14:31

He doesn't behave like this with me!

I think this is because immediately he is more relaxed and i will carry him around until he is ready to go it alone. I can get him to go under, he'll go down big slides etc. At school he cries even before getting in so they never have him in that relaxed state to progress.

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 09/01/2012 14:55

I think you have to either trust the teacher - or withdraw permission for him to go swimming.

They have to get your permission to take him, so if you're not happy just don't give permission.

However, as always, the first thing to do is talk to the teacher.....

M0naLisa · 09/01/2012 14:57

Oh at 5 i would be livid and having it out with the school. :( poor little mite!

dandelionss · 09/01/2012 15:02

I agree just revoke your permission.

thirtysomething · 09/01/2012 15:03

As a child I had a fear of snakes - in Y3 on a school trip I was confronted by someone holding one. I absolutely did not want to touch it, and moved to the back of the group. My teacher decided it would be educational to force me to touch it. Cue absolute hysteria from me, years of nightmares and therapy and I am still absolutely terrified of them. It rules what I can watch on TV, days out, holidays etc.

I firmly believe it would simply have been a manageable fear had it not been for that teacher.

The other parent was absolutely right at the pool today. I am absolutely furious with the teachers on your behalf.