To be so damn mad at myself....

[mistakemaker]

I know I'm not but just really need to get this off my chest.

I am a single woman who enjoys sex and partakes in the occasional one night stand.

Last night I ended up sleeping with a friend of a friend who has a girlfriend and a child. (He said they weren't really together but I was under no illusions)

I was drunk (too drunk really) it was crap sex, I feel horrendous for being so selfish and utterly mortified if my friend finds out. On top of this I'm panicking that I may have an STD of some sort (I feel like I've got cystitis).

I have honestly never felt so shitty about myself.

YANBU to be mad at yourself. Awful behaviour on your part and his too... Is your drinking always that bad? That you lose control I mean?

I would suggest that the first thing you do is to go to a GUM Clinic tomorrow and get checked out.

It's fine to enjoy sex and enjoy going out but it doesn't really sound as if you had a good time. Drunken sex is always pretty crap IMO and even more so if you think that the other person is already in a relationship.

I guess you can only learn from it, get checked out and always carry/use condoms in the future so that at least you don't have the issue of STD's.

Honestly? Sometimes. Under no circumstances would I have even considered having sex with him sober. I didn't even find him attractive.

I'm mortified

Thanks Squashed,

I'm just so embarrassed. I'm a grown woman with kids and a professional job. I shouldn't behave as I did.

GUM clinic and a bottle of wine to drown the shame, actually, scrap the wine you don't want to revisit him! Box of chocs to hide the shame?

No you shouldn't and yes you should feel ashamed.

You have potentially become a barrier in a childs life

You sound out of control to me as well as a bit icky

Get yourself checked out and you will have to tell them (not just him if he is a lying shit) if you have something. On the drinking... have a long hard look at that. To be dramatic, you have endangered your life having unprotected sex with someone your sober instincts wouldn't have had you go near. You have also participated in infidelity, which it sounds like you wouldn't have sober. Be honest with yourself about the drinking and get help if you need it.

I'm not icky, I just really fucked up.

Maybe I am out of control, I was last night.

Right, you're in the horrors. It was a crap thing to do but the alcohol aftereffects will be making you feel exponentially worse.
I do wonder about your relationship with alcohol, sounds like a hugely messy night. Do you find it hard to stop once you've started drinking?

I don't drink regularly but when I do, I drink a lot. This doesn't mean I have a drink problem does it?

Forgive yourself.
Just don't do it again

If you find it hard to stop, that does suggest a problem. There's a checklist out there somewhere, I'll try to find it for you.

Thank you for being nice to me. I'm so utterly fucked off with myself and I can't get it out of my mind.

I am a horrible person.

alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/l/blquiz_alcohol.htm

Just might like to check for your own peace of mind

We all do stupid stuff sometimes - some of us do WELL stupid stuff. You know that what you did wasn't the best for you or for other people, so I ain't going to rub your nose in it.

I'm no expert on alcohol problems either- many of us get too pissed from time to time - but I would say that if it severely altering your judgement on things when you DO drink, then drinking on these occasions might be a problem for you...

Get yourself checked for STD's - it might well be simple cystitis - especially if sex is infrequent (think honeymoon cystitis) but get yourself checked!

Use it as a springboard for sorting your life out - what do YOU want from life - a reality check, if you will - you sound quite mortified - there is more out there for you than this!

You don't sound like a horrible person. You've done a bad thing, that doesn't define you.

When I split with DH for a while I went a bit out of control. Drank too much and had two very regrettable one night stands that I would not have done sober, plus one was unprotected. I thought I was fine but it was quite a dark time. Please address your drinking, I'm not judging you in the slightest but you have harmed yourself through this behaviour and you need to deal with it.
Nothing wrong with no strings, guilt free sex at all, but it should be fun and empowering, not shameful, risky and depressing.

Of my 4 closest friends , who are wonderful human beings, every one has done some seriously stupid stuff, stuff that makes them want to cringe and weep the following day.

You're not the first, and you won't be the last . Treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend. Forgive and forget

Thank you for your replies, I just really needed to voice it.

The questionnaire said that if you answer 3 or more questions yes, you may have a drink problem. I answered 5!

I can't actually believe that this is me, I don't do reckless things generally. Obviously alcohol affects me much more than I realised.

I have a 'drink problem'
I'm not an alcoholic but I can very easily start to depend on a daily drink (so I don't have any in the week) and when I go out I drink far too much regardless of what I have on the next day (so I save going out to times when DH and DS are away)
When I feel lost I drink more and it leads to shitty decisions. I know this about myself and am dealing with it (long process) and maybe you need to too.

I very rarely drink at home, never alone (unless getting ready to go out) but on the nights I go out I drink lots. Yesterday I probably drank 2 bottles of wine, 3 beers and a shot of something-or-other. I drank that much ironically because I was nervous about how I would come across as I didn't know many people.

Everyone I know apart from dh has a drink problem according those questionaires

x-posting

i did exactly the same the other night and felt like i had an infection this morning, ive drunk 4 pints of orange squash today and seem to have been weeing all day but its all gone now and i feel fine...well by ladybits feel fine, i still feel disgusted with myself for being stupid, naive and used in such a way yet again but at least it doesnt burn when i pee...hey ho!

dont beat yourself up, it was a drunken mistake just concentrate on trying not to let it happen again :)

Regardless of the drink tools etc, I think a measure of whether you have a problem is the amount of control you have. If you only drink once a week but have to get absolutley shitfaced then this is a problem. If you can happily go without alcohol for some time and don't need to get hammered every time you drink then don't panic.

The sex thing is unfortunate and I know lots of people slate the 'OW' but he cheated on his patner, not you.

I would think that most, if not all, on these boards have done something deeply embarrassing and shameful while drunk. Take the lesson and let yourself move on.

You made a stupid drunken mistake the same as most people do at some time or other. Keep your head down and hopefullly no one will find out. Watch what you drink in future though as breaking other peoples relationships up is no fun.