to think my DCs should have got Xmas presents from my parents by now?

[ShockedAndSaddened]

Really feel upset about this. Not the actual lack of presents but the actual lack of them giving a shit! Parents were abroad until the 22nd December so they said they would come up when they could which was fine. They spent the whole of the week between Xmas and New Year entertaining my brothers and their families a 1 hour drive away (we were not invited as not enough room and due to the fact my brothers think I'm a waste of space because I had too many kids and don't have a career like them ).

During that week they actually drove within 20 mins of our house on their way into London for a day out and did not mention that they were doing so or say they would pop in.

They went away to spend New Year with friends on the South Coast and I expected they may come up this weekend but they did'nt. We can't travel to them which they know because of work.

They know that as my DH's parents/siblings live abroad, they are the only real GP contact my 4 DCs have and the rest of my 7 siblings have fallen out with me about some home truths I brought up last year about the way I felt being scapegoated as a child and how they have never been interested in my children (which they are not, not one of them visited when DC4 was born which sparked it off), so the DCs had no Xmas presents/cards from any of them. In fact the only presents they got were from us. I made my peace with my parents and although things have been a bit stilted I am shocked they have not bothered with my DCs at Xmas.

Not one of them sent a card for DC4's 1st birthday last year, even my parents forgot and we got a card from them 3 weeks later.

I know I should'nt let it eat me up but I can't help it. It is so shit for my DCs. AIBU to tell them to stuff it if they do decide to come up?

Oh that sounds an awful situation to be in!

I think it'd be understable to tell them to stuff it but it's going to hurt your dc more.

Perhaps try talking to your parents and point out that your dc shouldn't have to miss out on gps and how you feel hurt by their actions.

:( Makes me want to send your dc birthday cards and sweeties or something!

Just as a little point, my in laws (ex now) only bother with my dc the week between xmas and new year, demanding certain times with them with no notice. My dd was bought a voucher to a shop miles away from our house on the morning of her birthday which was dropped off with her dad rather than delivered to her either at her party or after. There is so little thought in it and the children know they are an after thought at best. Believe me no contact is less upsetting than having your face rubbed in it. (or as happened this year go litterally from breakfast till bed and only get fed once

Tell them politely that its not convenient when ever they want to come.

Thank you NYFC and fallenpetal. I know IANBU and sometimes I would prefer no contact at all which is what I decided on last year but I only kept it up for a month and I made the 1st move! We hardly see them anyway (twice last year).

YANBU! Its so hurtful when your own family appears to have no interest in your DCs.

Do you both work 7 days a week? Lack of interest can be hurtful but if you are not making the effort to keep up visits etc why should they?

I'm not minimising how you feel, but I never quite understand why people take not visiting after a baby is born to be lack of interest on siblings part.

Grandparents, yes I think you'd hope they'd want to see at some point, although they might decide that they'd be better to wait until dp is back at work and then support then, but siblings? . Some people are interested in babies and others are not.

I don't think having a go at your siblings for that is fair. Maybe you were sidelined as a child, maybe not. My db often tells dm how he was sidelined/leftout/opinion ignored etc. Actually dp spent most of his growing years (and still do) making sure that we all did what he wanted, checking he was happy... and if he wanted... he got even if it meant the rest missed out.

But it's not UR to wish they would give presents.

Whilst I sympathise with your parents seeming lack of interest (v. bad to forget DC's birthday), you do seem to be rather sitting back expecting them to do all the running. I can imagine they are sitting at home thinking that you've made no effort either.

Did you not talk to your parents before Christmas about when you would see them? Actually from your description it sounds like they have been pretty busy. The natural thing would have been for you to pop up for a day when they were entertaining your brothers - why didn't you suggest that?

I don't think not stopping off for a very quick visit when on a day trip to London is that odd tbh.

If you "expected" them to come this weekend, why didn't you talk to them about that?

Can you really not get to your parents' house if it's only an hour away?

In the least mean way possible, if ALL of your siblings have fallen out with you over some 'home truths' about your childhood, perhaps your parents are pissed off too? What exactly did you say?