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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have stood up for my dc?

24 replies

ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:35

Was at a social event and my dc was playing with another dc when he accidently knocked the dc over,they were getting a little overexcited ,the adult of the dc got up and started shouting and telling my dc of.,even though I was sat there.

I stood up and said calmly I will tell my dc off so aibu?

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 08/01/2012 20:37

If it happened exactly according to your very sparse op, then no yanbu.

However there is usually a lot more going on than you've mentioned here

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 08/01/2012 20:37

Depends on what happened really, but no one should shout at your child, so it depends how severe the telling off was as well

frecklyspeckly · 08/01/2012 20:37

do you mean i will tell him off instead of you ilovecandles?

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 08/01/2012 20:39

nope. you wbu if you just sat there and did nothing while your child ran riot - it could be that the other parent was just a bit quick off the mark having encountered parents who don't discipline their DCs and who do let them run amok, so didn't think you would do anything. As it happened you were watching and were there, and able to sort things out, so all is well. If they were actually shouting at your DC they were OTT, and are perhaps pfb or got all "mamma bear" hate that expression but it does the job and needed telling calmly that you would deal with your DC.

squeakytoy · 08/01/2012 20:39

Did your son need telling off or not?

Littlefish · 08/01/2012 20:40

Did you do anything to correct your dc before the other parent spoke?

Perhaps they were a bit over the top, but if they thought your dc had hurt theirs and they could see that you weren't doing anything, then I can understand why they might speak to your chid. However, it's still not appropriate for them to shout at your dc. Speak to them, yes; shout at them, no.

tigerlillyd02 · 08/01/2012 20:40

If it was just an accident, why did you need to tell him off?

frecklyspeckly · 08/01/2012 20:43

a granny yanked my sons leg on a piece of play equiptment and shouted at him in case he trod on her grandson who was about 2.. that was very difficult - happened last summer... felt bad for ds but seeing as he only told us afterwards wasnt much we could do... would have had a word with her about implications of pulling children about - e.g. potential fist in face from less understanding mother... he has just been diagnosed as dyspraxic and can appear a bit out of control .. felt awful as he obviously upset this granny but then she upset him by grabbing him. Think i can imagine how you felt OP.

JellyMould · 08/01/2012 20:43

How old is he?

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 20:44

If it was exactly like you say in your OP, then why are you even asking? Confused

Original poster
ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:46

As soon as the dc was knocked over I got up to go to say you need to be careful you may have been a little rough playing and knocked over the dc but the adult was there shouting at my dc.

At the time it was an accident it was not done on purpose.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:47

No he probably did not need telling of but told to be more careful I felt he neede telling of by the way the person had reacted.

OP posts:
Pocksrule · 08/01/2012 20:48

No adult should shout at anyone else's dc but I have intervened when another kid is attacking mine. As a rule I only intervene if my dc is being hurt. And if it is an accident I would certainly not be shouting but maybe it didn't look like an accident

Original poster
ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:49

Im asking as I was upset and it ruined my day,I hate social events and dread taking my dc when this other person is there. Pil have been on the phone and asked if everything is ok I have not mentioned anthing to dp.

OP posts:
frecklyspeckly · 08/01/2012 20:50

sounds like you handled it okay, given the circumstances. You asked her to let you deal with your own child. Unfortunatley it just happens sometimes especially in parties or soft play areas. Do you know this adult?

Original poster
ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:50

Yes very well.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 20:51

Are both the kids the same age?

PurplePidjin · 08/01/2012 20:51

Also, one person's over excited is another person's boisterous and hyperactive. There are huge differences in interpretation of shouting - I have an excellent teacher voice I occasionally bring out on dnephew (4) when he thinks he'll get a yes from me when dsil has said No. I've had raised eyebrows for it from others, yet dsil is quite happy to be supported this way (and i'm very careful to check) so it really is all in the interpretation.

Original poster
ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:53

No both kids were not ,mine is older.

OP posts:
frecklyspeckly · 08/01/2012 20:53

sorry - i see you do know them, try and not let it stop you taking your child out in the future, if she/he can't see accidents happen they will have to let go at some point! it wasn't malicious, end of story . Don't worry

Original poster
ilovecandles · 08/01/2012 20:54

In defence of my dc he later was being hit in the face by the dc and the person looked and said nothing, I just asked my dc to move away.

OP posts:
frecklyspeckly · 08/01/2012 20:56

that sounds typical ilovecandles, unfortunatley . Do the dc see eachother regularly ?

PurplePidjin · 08/01/2012 20:59

Based on all the info you've given you're still NBU.

I take it your Pil's have noticed and were present. Any chance you can confide in them and get them to publicly support you? Is the cowbag other parent also a family member?

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 20:59

How old are they both?

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