to be annoyed with DH for being ill? (ok, yes. yes, I am.)

[brdgrl]

But come on!!!
I was away for several weeks with DD...we both got very ill, it sucked, but I had to get on with looking after her even while I had my own head halfway down a toilet.

Now we are home, but it seems that our holiday-spoiling virus is making the rounds, because DH has come down with exactly the same thing. Only not as bad! But he's totally living up to the horrible cliches about men and illness, by hitting the bed hard and not getting up, so for the last two days I have been doing virtually all the household tasks, the childcare for DD, and whatever looking after two teenagers need (which granted isn't all that much, but they do create an unholy amount of dirty dishes, spilt milk, etc.).

Now, I know this is all normal and part of that partnership/sickness and health thing I signed up for...but I'm supposed to be handing in my PhD dissertation in two weeks and I needed every minute of every day and he was supposed to be relieving me of DD care so I could get on with it and I am going to MISS MY DEADLINE and I just want to cry.

Suppose I am not really annoyed but I am sort of frantic with anxiety.

He's being a dick. My DH does exactly the same thing. I now have a rule that unless limbs are actually falling off, one day of sickness is allowed, beyond that Sucking It Up is mandatory and whinging is Not Allowed. But for the love of all that is holy woman, why oh why are you cleaning up after teenagers?

YANBU. I was furious with DH last week when he brought home yet another cold, just as 2 yr old DS was getting over pneumonia. It's the 'woe is me' act that really gets my goat. That and the fact he gets so many colds because he sits up drinking most nights instead of getting some sleep as well as refusing to take any cough syrup, preferring instead to hack away all night, waking up the poorly 2 yr old and the 7 week old.

You have my every sympathy and I hope he gets better quickly so you get your dissertation in on time.

oh, cailindana, that is a very good question and one i have been asking for some time myself... (stepmum here.) (and short version back story, whilst i was away, DSS and DH had a row about DSS not doing his chores, which ended with DSS losing most of his pocket money but also being taken off the jobs rota so I have come back into the middle of that. which of course adds to my current annoyance.)

and yes, edwinbear, the thing is i had exactly the same symptoms so i know he's feeling really poorly...but i also know that i still had to get on with some things and i still had to be there for baby DD all the time but he couldn't sit with her for ten minutes so i could get a shower in? grrrr.

and i want to be the lovely kind wifey who brings him cups of mint tea and a hot water bottle, but instead i'm a bitchy harridan.

YANBU. DH gets a chest infection every year which lasts all through December and January because he refuses to see/register with a doctor or take any cough medicine. For two months I have to endure loud coughing bouts that are so intense, I'm surprised he doesn't suck his trousers up his backside. It keeps me and DD awake at night. It's like living with a TB infected Steptoe.

Sorry MixedClassBaby but

Cackling away at the image of Mixed's DH sucking his trousers up his arse

Only not as bad!

how do you know?

I'm surprised he doesn't suck his trousers up his backside.

at least i don't have that problem...DH is only too happy to have strong medication...surprised he hasn't turned to the christmas brandy to sort this one out, though!

loosyloo, fair question!
i guess i am basing it on the amount of time he spent vomiting (1 evening versus my full 24 hours) and also the fact that he was well enough to eat breakfast this morning. but you are right, of course, who's to say he's not feeling twice as rotten....

and yes, i am working on the dissertation right now! fixing citations between checks of mumsnet posts...probably not ideal.

no, i am not being unreasonable, I have changed my mind. See, today he is up and much better, so looked after DD all morning - only to now have a terrible pout because The Football The Football is on and yet he is still being expected to be a parent.

Fuck. Off.

He has told me to shut my mouth, and also said (to my remark that I could not cope with waiting on him while he's ill, looking after /feeding/cleaning up after all three kids, walking the dog, and work on the dissertation: "all you did was bring me a couple cups of tea and a hot water bottle. i guess you weren't one of those little girls who wanted to be a nurse when she grew up!"

I told him "I wasn't one of those little girls who wanted to be a housekeeper to three ungrateful shits."

I (obviously) avoided saying "well, at least all my patients don't die", which would have been unforgivable. (he nursed his First Wife and his First MIL at the end of their lives, which gives him no end of moral superiority over myself, since I clearly can't even be nice during a bout of Unspecified Virus.)

It is our one-year anniversary today. Which he had clearly forgotten anyway. And which he intended to spend watching the Manchester Derby whilst I ....oh, right, whilst I tried to manage a one-year-old and the looming deadline of my life.

Fuck. Off.

Oh dear brdgrl, this sounds a bit more serious than I thought.

i know...totally escalated.

Can you completely prioritise the PhD by moving to a Travelodge or some such place for a couple of weeks days and just letting him parent alone for a couple of weeks days?

And then deal with him being a bit of a shit when you have dealt with the PhD?

travellodge sounds a good idea.

sympathies. I also spent a day vomitting and mopping up one childs vomit and feeding the other one who was lonely and hungry after recovering from vomiting a couple of days before and was hitting my foot whilst my stomach was trying to turn itself inside out as i had a head in a bucket. I hated their dad, from whom I am seperated because he wasn't having to deal with it. therefore you are not unreasonable to hate his guts and he is bloody unreasonable to whinge about parenting whilst watching the football.

thanks.

i'm considering the travelodge idea. partly to work on the phd and partly because i can't stand to be in the same house with him at the moment. but i would have to take DD. She still nurses mornings and at bedtime, and anyway, i wouldn't want to leave her; we'd both hate it plus he's useless at dealing with all three kids and i'd just worry. but i might still do it - even with DD, at least i'd not have the stress of being at home and fighting with DH and trying to do housework or be nice and cheery with the SCs when i am miserable.

i have just come back from overseas visit with my family and am feeling more aware than ever of how shit it is to have absolutely no family with whom i could leave her for a few hours. to make everything worse, DD still has jet-lag and her sleeping schedule is all over the place, so I have had almost no sleep myself.

(i actually told him to go stay in a hotel, that way he could lie in bed and watch telly and get room service and i could get on with things at home - bastard hasn't gone yet, though.)

God he sounds like a dick. Is he usually this bad or is this a blip? My one year old still nurses morning and night but tbh I would still leave her for a couple of nights for something as important as a phd deadline.

Dear MixedClassBaby, you should be aware that GPs have no powers to prevent chest infections, and nor do cough medicines.