Or stupid or not?

[EllenandBump]

I wrote to my former health visitor, who last saw me approx three months ago in a different part of the counrty asking whether she would be able to write a letter supporting that she was about to sign me off after PND and could she also make a note of any incidences where she had suspicions of DV. Now i am doubting she will be able to help. She saw us regularly there sometimes twice a week when first diagnosed so hoping she can help but AIBU in even asking? It really would help my housing case if she did. Have also wrote to my new HV and asked if they could check my records and make a note of dates that any incidences were picked up on. I thought having both would be better?

I have a new HV but she isnt worried about DV as we are now seperated and have no contact unless its via a solicitors. My new HV hasnt got my notes so couldnt write a letter as to whether there are any suspicions of DV noted on my files, such a pain really, wish they had my files. Two months seems a little long but we have had christmas and new year in between. I am going to phone my old doctors tomorrow and ask if the notes have been transferred yet. x

Then you no longer have a problem, and I think you had best forget about relying on events in the past to support your housing situation. Having moved away from a difficult situation, you are now safe, and there is no issue regarding your care of your child. That's how the authorities will see it.

Mum has already written to the authorities to say i cannot stay here permanently, they have decided i am not homeless as they believe it safe for me to return as they have all but said there is no risk of DV, the resut of this being i need to get as much supporting evidence of DV as possible so that they will accept me as a homeless person and hopefully they will house me. So difficult. I have gotten away from the situation but really need my independence, i love my mum very much and her support is amazing, but support and living with are two different things. Locally to me there are loads of new housing going up so i really want to be on the housing list before they are all rented out. My mate also has a mate that has properties and is seeing what they can do for me :) I dont expect to just get a place but being on the list would help!

I know your housing situation because I read your previous thread where you discussed your concerns about your new HV. As I said then, I don't think you can rely on your past problems to help you now, your situation has changed, and they no longer apply.

Did you contact Bexley Women's Aid? The council works with them:
www.bexleywomensaid.org.uk/communityoutreach

It just the council wont help at all without proof of domestic violence, if i can prove it claire from DHA at shelter has said i stand a good chance of getting the decision over turned. I dont expect to get a property but i read up of the ren t desposit schemes in the borough and its either singler people or people in priority need. I dont get why its taking two months to transfer my notes, my new gp hasnt even got my prescription to go on. Its a case of wait and see. Mum has made it perfectly clear i cant stay here....so its get somewhere else or return to where i was before. It doesnt seem i have much choice but to push the council. I have no rent in advance or deposit and dont see me being able to save to get one on benefits and helping with bills etc and paying off debts. Also i wanted a letter from my old HV to say that she was happy that last time she saw me m y PND was under control and i was doing well, as i fear he may use it in court against me to residency of our son. x

Also i wanted a letter from my old HV to say that she was happy that last time she saw me my PND was under control

I think he will have an uphill struggle proving there are any issues if your current HV is happy there are none, so I wouldn't be too worried about that. From your previous posting on this, she was satisfied with your set-up. I think it's easy in this kind of situation to worry, but frankly if there are no issues he'll have a hard time inventing them.

I think if there is no proof of domestic violence, you have no hope of pursuing housing on that basis. I would speak to your caseworker at DHA about other options, such as rent deposit schemes and the like.

It might help if your mum decides on a date when you have to leave - say in a couple of months, then you have an "end date" to discuss with the DHA.

Mum already wrote to them and said i could stay for 6 months. There should be proof really within my medical notes but getting them is so difficult. I spoke to my new doctors yesterday and they still have not got my medical files and are waiting on them, until then i cant view them, and therefore cant find if there is anything of use on them. There is only one rent deposit scheme in this borough which is via the council and is either for single homeless people which i dont qualify for as i am not a single person (i have a child) and a family one, but the council will only assist those in "priority" need. I am hoping to prove the domestic violence, and therefore with any luck they will at least try to assist me. Its so hard when you have no money to help yourself and getting a job really isnt an option as mum will lose her council tax benefit and pension credit so wouldnt be able to manage so i would have to make them up, pay for childcare, cover travel etc, and make enough to live off of as well as save. I wish it wasnt so difficult. My advice worker did say they should take it more seriously if i could get supporti ng documents as what they seem to have done is assume i am in no danger as the police decided to take it no further and as he is prepared to work at the relationship, which is obviously not the case or he wouldnt have been to a solicitor about a divorce and contact. I dont see what other route realistically i can take. I am in so much debt, saving any money out of my benefits is all but impossible and my LO needs new clothes has out grown his old ones. I feel like a rubbish mother, i cant even provide the basics...a roof over his head. I have enough to buy him the clothes he needs BUT that is teh small amount of money i have saved gone. x

I think you're doing all you can, I'm very sad to hear about your situation.

Have you tried Gingerbread? They may be able to help somehow, even if it's just about finding local contacts and information:
www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Thank you ever so much, its not that i am not open to ides, it more that i have already tried and exhausted them. x

Am so sorry you are having this terrible time, but I'm not sure you are going to get much help in your current situation.

I know you want your independence, but perhaps the main thing is stability for yourself and your DC at the moment? I know this probably sounds awful but you are secure where you are, and you are more likely to be able to economise and save a bit while at your mum's.

You might just have to get to grips (both you and your mum) with making the absolute best of your situation at the moment, doing what you can to get plugged into those local networks where you can find people who can help you with childcare, training and employment. That's the only way you can truly be independent.

There's no doubt it takes a lot of effort, but the one thing you really need is a secure base - which in truth you have at the moment, with minimal outgoings. No it's not your own front door, but you really do have to get to grips with what you can do with the situation you are in, however hard that is. Believe me, it would be no easier having your own place - independence brings with it the sole responsibility for everything. With no money, realistically how will you manage that?

I doubt your mum is going to chuck you and her GC out on the street anytime soon - and I doubt the housing authorities would believe that either.

Best of luck.

I am trying to sort my life out just every time i turn to someone for help they dont seem to be interested. I cant work cos of mums pension and i am chipping in half towards the bills and buying my own food and toiletries etc. So hard tosave. All i really want is rent in advance. I spoke to a friend yesterday and they have said that if the council cant/wont help me out they know someone with properties who may be able to help me, but it would be private rented an there is a possibility that in about a years time they will want to do extensive work to the property, making me homeless once again. But then at least the council would help cos they couldnt say it woul be reasonable to return to a tenancy i would no lo nger have, and i wouldnt have made myself intentionally homeless as the landlord would be evicting me through no fault of my own, however if the work can be done while i am still livin g in the property i would be happy to stay there long term.x

I would ask in writing as to why the council is not willing to help. It varies in different LA's but there are clauses about how much evidence is needed before DV is excepted. Also the time span before you are considered to be resident et in an area. You will eventually qualify, it is just a matter of time passing, which i know, is frustrating. As Olgaga said contact a woman's aid group.

Do you have a children's Centre close to you and have you been signposted there? That is usually the easiest way of finding out about local support groups, including funding that you can 'tap' into. That way as well you will build up a conection to the area.

You can only try to get support from your former HV, so you have done the right thing, there, but to be honest if she felt that there was DV she should have investigated that further or put in a referal, so she may not have noted it. Health professionals often feel that they are adding to a womans problems by making a referal, but ultimately, their not.

Just to add, it might be a bit soon to go back to work, i would first get advice, benefit checks etc and have all the information to hand, before you look for work. Give yourself reovery time.

SiamoNellaMerda- just wanted to ask, what the point of your post was? This is a support line and as problems come up, of course OP's are going to ask for advice. Or do you think when that you flee DV and your home, life suddenly a 'bowl of cherries' and not a track full of huge hurdles to overcome? The OP is working through her problems, that is the point of her posting.

olgaga speaks a lot of sense here OP.

It seems what you are caught in is a poverty trap and as much as I'm sorry to hear about your past relationship, it doesn't seem as though you can use that to further your case because your not in danger anymore.

If your Mum is going to ask you and her GC to leave in 6 months, I suspect you'll have to go through the 'normal' channels of everyone caught in the same trap, and that is to go into an emergency hostel and wait to be housed.

Everyone needs cheap, affordable housing but unfortunately it's like hen's teeth in most areas, hence the priority list

The thing is they are saying they wont put me into an emergency hostel or anything as i have atenancy in another borough, which they think is reasonable for me to return to, but if i return to it, i return to HIM. Which obviously is a danger to me. I know it will take a while, but there is LOADS of housing being built so i really want to be on the liste before they are ready, or they will all be gone and i will struggle to get housing. I think i will go to a children's centre asap. Thank you. Good idea. x

I have just had a thought, it was just after i was diagnosed with PND that the health visitor asked me about domestic abuse/violence, social services were then involved. I am now starting to wonder whether it was the PND that was involving them or the suspicions the HV had.

Can't you take your name off the tenancy in the other borough as you're now living with your Mum?

Then when your Mum throws you and your child out, you should be offered a hostel?

The thing is, I think the HV would be shooting herself in the foot to admit she had reasonable suspicions but didn't consult with anyone else or act upon them.

She would have consulted with someone else if she was the one that referred me to social services, the fact they never bothered following it up, is there matter not mine. If i give up my tenancy in the other borough i will have made myself intentionally homeless as this borough council are aware that mum has said i can only stay temporarily. Such a big mess really If i had gone and said i was living at mums but had suffered DV they wouldnt have housed me neither. I will take my name off that tenancy as soon as i have somewhere long term to live. Then if 2 years down the line a landlord (which i have no idea how i would get the money for rent in advance and deposit) decided to evict me due to no fault of my own they would be obliged to house me. The housing system is bs. x

Oh I see

It's like running round in circles then