that I'm still not ready for a relationship?

[vitaminC]

New here, but I've been reading for a while.

I left my xh 4 years ago and the divorce was finally completed 9 months ago. I have custody of the kids, but he takes them alternative weekends, plus half the school holidays. He's actually pulled his socks up and become quite a good dad these days .

I still can't face the idea of a new relationship, however. And the more threads I read about other people's relationships, the more convinced I am that I would only end up just as unhappy again, but with a different partner and the added complications of step-parent/kids relationships...

I'm so much happier now. Happier than I've ever been in my almost 40 years on earth. I've gone back to university and done more with my life these past 4 years than I would ever had dared to before. My kids and I have a great relationship without my ex constantly stirring up trouble like he used to and my home life is great.

I do sometimes feel lonely, though, and crave the company of another adult in my life. Someone to share the load with. A travelling companion on the journey of life... But I'm terrified :-(

Has anyone here successfully remarried after a divorce? Are you happier this time around? Do you honestly think there are any decent men available? All the guys I meet (and most of my friends' husbands) seem pretty similar to my ex in many ways (controlling, lazy, self-centred... :-/) and the few really decent guys I know are already happily married.

What do you think? Should I try to find a new DP or should I concentrate on enjoying my independence?

akaemmafrost My ex's uncle got married at 24 to a 40yo woman! They've been married over 25 years now :)

Well I like my own company and I like not answering to anyone but I do miss the physical side of things! IE a decent shag on a fairly regular basis .

That's hopeful vitaminc he is a bit older than that but not much!

I had a toyboy for a few years but we split in the summer. He's still a friend, though. Which is rare for one of my exes. It all usually crashes and burns. I know I should learn something from that but I'm a bit obtuse about my own behaviour.

FabbyChic I'm aware you've had a shitty time, from your other thread. Glad you're having an ok evening. I'm hoping there is something good to watch on tv after I've finished all the laundry - oh, the excitement!

Oh, and I would give the married men a wide berth. They are either bastards, self-involved egotists, or looking for an easy escape route including at some point imagining they are going to come and live in your home and sponge off you financially and emotionally, when in fact they should be making things right with wives and caring about the future of their children.

I was alone for 7 years after separating with my exh. Had a bit of fun with a couple of guys inbetween but was NOT interested in meeting anyone permanent. Was happy as I was. Then went on a dating site and registered purely to right a book about my friends and mine disasters (she had only had disasters on this site) and I met my husband. We have now been happily married for nearly 4 years! Was a completely bizarre situation really.

I'm very happilly married to DH who is my 2nd husband, my first was and is a total twat! I was VERY nervous about getting involved with someone new, especially as I already had DD1 with first husband.

My DH is an amazing stepfather to her and father to our DD2, our relationship is strong, mutually respectful, loving and fun. Sure, we have our issues (he could do more around the house imo and I could no doubt nag less in his!) but nothing that we can't work around.

This to me is what marriage should be like, it's not perfect, noting ever is, but it works. My first marriage clearly didn't, infact I don't think we should have got further than a couple of dates really.

LisaD1 Oh dear lordy, that rings bells with me about my ExH: I don't think we should have got further than a couple of dates really.

But then I wouldn't have my two DC.

I could write some of these posts.

My XP left 6 years ago for another woman, it devastated me. I did date a bit after the first few years and I've had an amazing friend with benefits in the past. Nowadays I just can't 'see' me being in another long term relationship.

I basically had to rebuild my life and self esteem after the split. My XP played mind games as well which made it more difficult. The 'friend with benefits' was ideal, as I didn't have to give myself emotionally and I had space for myself. Over time we did become attached, and I'm not sure where it would have led. Tragically he died much too young, so I'll never know.

My life is very ordered and stable. We have a nice home now, I'm at uni and have a long term career plan. More importantly the girls are happy and well. I get on ok with ex, when he's not being a thoughtless twat.

I do have the odd lonely moment, and I wonder if I'll ever meet someone. But then I think where would he fit in? What if the kids hated him? Plus I'm not getting any younger or better looking.

Wow, MissMogwi, sounds like we are living parallel lives ;)

I never looked (or felt) my age until the past 6 months... unfortunately it's finally catching up with me!

Oh and I think I failed an exam yesterday, which I will now have to resit in September :(

In another weird coincidence I thought I'd failed my last exam and spent Christmas bricking it. But I passed with 65%, that's good enough for me.

So you never know!

Yeah? So there's still hope?

Actually the pass mark here is 50% overall, with a minimum of 40% on each module. Hopefully I'll scrape the 40% I need for it to count...

I'm in medical school and the exam yesterday was for the module I plan to specialise in after graduation, which is why I'm kicking myself :(

Anyway, as my daughter keeps telling me, it's done now, so best move on and concentrate on the next module

Yes we need 40% too. As you say you can't do anything now. It's a horrible feeling though isn't it. I say to my own kids "you can only do your best" but then tie myself up in knots!

Good luck. Sure you will be fine.